I feel like my old self again :) ... :(

I have a partner at work. And we've picked up business like crazy, pulling twelve properties a day and such! I feel like the old aggressive me, pissed to think there is something that I can't do.

agressive yes, but I kinda have to be i think. No mild tempered person really does this kind of work. It's an effin push, go go go, hook that chain up to the tree and pull that ***** out sort of thing.

it's not the bp... i don't think. this is personality that is adapted from life long working labor. I think the bp is aggrevated by it though.

who knows.. I don't really care. Just thought I would check in with the people here that I talk to.

It's good in a way... I totally forget about my problems and just get work done. Sleep is kind of sucking though, and I'm not eating well. But I think I was eating and sleeping too much anyways.. being as docile as I was.

Ever just want to forget. I can if I let myself. Mindlessly take the damn meds and never think twice about what they are for. Just keep my mind busy on what is happening at the moment. I do that. Whenever I think that I am different than other people and that I have a mental ****ing illnes called bipolar disorder, I get really mad now.

I don't really want to think about it. Coming onto here makes me think a lot about it. Why do I do that? It's like baiting myself for being pissed off.

maybe I'm not in my right thinking... but seriously, why would I do that to myself? what advantage does thinking about it all the time really have anyways? I don't really get it. I can put it out of my mind so that is a good thing, right? It makes me happier to not even think about it, say i'm fine and get on with life. otherwise I will just sit around and analyze how I am feeling and get that cold gut feeling everytime I realize I am minimizing **** that I feel and that It's actually real and happening!

Talking about it is not helping me, just reminding me of **** that I would rather forget about.

In your opinion, it's cool to just put of the way, right?
Well, I hope so cuz that's my plan from here on out.
not talking endlessly about it. not letting it rule my life anymore.
seriously, I could just type for hours about it and what would it get me, except unpopular really. Won't fix nothin. Relating to others is kind of like, "oh yeah, i get it. me too. sucks huh?"

I can't help anyone here. I can only show understanding and compassion, but that really doesn't help anyone really. This is a social board and I'm not a social person. Dumb of me to be on here really, cuz I focus on the disorder when I am on here and I've noticed that others like to talk and have fun.

It's not me so I am out! good luck to you all.

Don't think about it all the time. Focus on the present. That's all you can do. (Plus if you over think it, you think of symptoms too much which is bad!)

I don't find myself all too helpful anymore, but I still stick around and post occasionally. You learn to think about it when its appropriate and when you log off you stop thinking about it. Good luck.

I agree I'm learning not to think about it all the time but its hard when family is always asking you so you get to the point of analyzing everything. Ill have to talk to them again about it I suppose it would be the best thing to do. But anyway I'm glad that you are feeling like your old self and making progress. It's great to hear.

I understand what you're sayin' Dan

....thing is..?

life is like the mother of all Rat traps...for me I've noticed anyhow

and no matter where I go or what I do I'm baited to suffer in some way.

...always trying to avoid getting my back broken in the trap but I need to express myself...be it workin' my butt off or typing my butt off...!

feeling my old self is soooo damn natural ...he's the one best at dodging the trap...in the process I develop a new self....and therefore life develops a new trap for me.

I go backwards and forwards and the best place for me is in the middle...maybe?

not an old self or a new self but an un-experienced self....scary stuff!

questioning is progress...I guess

Right on Dan, go kick *** and gitter done

I call it getting overmedicalized, well sorta. Too much time thinking, dwelling, dr. app, and such can make you feel sicker. If you spend all your time participating in sickness, you will be sick. Maybe i'm crazy, but thats very true for me. You just can't think about it all the time.

If you need to take a break from here, sometimes thats really helpful. Just remember to take care of you, and that we will always be here for you.

Sometimes, I have to draw lines for myself on topics I will post on and thats ok too. And I try to partake in the fun social threads, because I need socialization, laughter, and positivity. I need a break from the bipolar business.

Just don't think your compassion and words never help someone, Dan you never know who you might help or how, maybe even indirectly. I know you have.