[BlueInanna]

Horrible day, problems with my homeless ex, my youngest's father. It's expected, this has happened before, yes I should know better.

My mom was staying with me for the past year, she came last October when I was in crisis, and left to go back to her home last week. So it has been comforting to have my ex around helping me fix up the house for a low rate - he doesn't help with child support money. But he's an old friend, we both grew up around here.

He broke an agreement we have that he won't drink while he's at my house or around my children. He's a mean drunk, I don't feel safe around him. But he's been inebriated and refusing to leave my house for a couple days now. He has had several dui's, yet he was driving with my daughter yesterday and drank in the car while he was driving. She told me, she'd asked him not to, and he did anyway, and she was scared. So I confronted him, away from the children privately, I said basically I know what you've been doing, how could you drink and drive and with a child in the car. And his defense infuriated me, "She's 18 she's a grown woman". OMG it made me sick. She's my child, she's his ex-step-daughter, he should have care and kindness and safety in mind for her. So the fight turned horrible and he got mad at my daughter. The ex had made a pizza and wouldn't let my daughter or I have any... this is my house - it was nuts, a total crazy house. He was yelling and acting childish in front of the kids, but I kept my cool with him.

I kept my cool in front of the children, but went in my room and cried and my mind went to it's go-to place, of wanting to die, thinking about how to go about it, thinking there is no way out of this mess, trapped, who would care for my children. At the same time I'm rationalizing to myself, knowing it's going to pass and wondering why my mind always goes to that place, I even wanted to self harm, which I've never really done before.

Eventually, my 16 yr old son went pretty nuts with the yelling, and calling ex-step-dad a drunken loser, etc. And the ex yelled in my driveway that my son is a meth addict. Thank God they didn't get physical. Ex finally left. Last thing he yelled was to my 10 yr old, "I don't know when I'll see you next, depends on your psychotic family!"

So my eyes burn from too many tears. I got myself calm, cared for my younger son who was crying and just wants his dad. I'm on here reading the forums, trying to get my mind off of the madness.

I got a call from a girl, one of my older son's friends... I was *****y with her at first cuz she has done meth with my son in the past. But she said she was at another girls house and they have my guitar that my son had supposedly given them, and they want to return it to me. She said the other girl wanted to talk to me, I've never met.

She could not have been any sweeter, "I am so sorry I had no idea this guitar was yours, I want to return it to you. And I need to tell you I'm so sorry - I painted the word LOVE on it - it looks pretty good I think - but I'm sorry I didn't know - and I have 3 other guitars and I know what sentimental value they can have..." She went on but I told her it was OK, and thank you so much.

So we have a plan to meet tomorrow, I will get back this guitar I really like that I figured I'd never see again. So many many other items stolen from my house by my son or his meth "friends".

After these recent days of feeling so violated and intruded upon, something really nice happened, and so out of the blue. I am reminded and humbled, there are still good people out there. (i know that smiley says it's sarcastic, but i think he's looking up at the stars or something)

No responses needed, I know it's a slow night around here, and Everyone seems to be going through heavy stuff. Just sharing. L.O.V.E.

[OutlawedSpirit]

I think it's great you'll be getting something back you thought you had lost forever. Sometimes the greatest things come from the most unexpected places. I don't know if you feel the same way, but I think it's almost wonderful that she painted "LOVE" on it. I mean, it can serve as a mini reminder to you when things start getting rough. Considering what you've gone through this weekend, and the fact that you are getting a little ray of light (your guitar), I think you need just a little bit of love and friendship now Now when you see your guitar it can remind you that you have your children to love, and the guitar itself can remind you of the little miracles life has in store.

I really hope things are going alright with you. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

[Clinte89]

That's great your getting your guitar back and having love painted on it isn't the worst thing that could happen possible quite a positive thing I think, it's good she realized it was stolen and decided to return it. It sounds like you've had a rough go of it, but it's over now and you can look forward to moving forward, I can imagine how a mean drunk I was one for a long while and rage builds so easily when your drunk but that's no excuse.

I have nothing nice to say ... But, I'll keep it as civil as I can while also keeping it real ... As in A REALITY CHECK ... !!!

Reading what wrote made me ... !!!

You value a freakin' guitar over the physical and emotional well-being of yourself and your children ... !!!

How ... !!!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

[Clinte89]

P frog what up with you I think she did well protecting her kids and what's wrong with her wanting to get her guitar back. It seems like me and you will clash often. Hello arch nemesis.

[OutlawedSpirit]

I agree with Clinte. You cannot, in anyway, blame Blue for finding something good out of such a rough time. I think we all wish at times we could also find that candle in the darkness. I don't see how you got to the conclusion that she cared more for her guitar than her children. The majority of the post was about her wanting her ex to leave because HE WAS BEING HARMFUL TO HER CHILDREN. How is that putting her guitar first? Sorry, but this just made me mad. Pfrog, I personally feel you were out of line in even accusing her of such things.

[bluemountains]

Originally Posted by Pfrog

I have nothing nice to say ... But, I'll keep it as civil as I can while also keeping it real ... As in A REALITY CHECK ... !!!

Reading what wrote made me ... !!!

You value a freakin' guitar over the physical and emotional well-being of yourself and your children ... !!!

How ... !!!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

I am sorry you missed it, Pfrog. The return of the guitar is giving Blue a ray of hope. It has nothing to do with loving a guitar more than her children. It means that she knows that she will find the strength to carry on. Blue works very hard to make life better for her family. She shares with us her struggles and I personally wonder how she keeps it together so well. I am sorry that her decision to help out her ex by allowing him to do odd jobs in return for a place to stay turned out so badly, but Blue was doing what she thought was best at the time.

Keep going, Blue! I'm here to support you.

Bluemountains

[moremi]

Originally Posted by Pfrog

I have nothing nice to say ... But, I'll keep it as civil as I can while also keeping it real ... As in A REALITY CHECK ... !!!

Reading what wrote made me ... !!!

You value a freakin' guitar over the physical and emotional well-being of yourself and your children ... !!!

How ... !!!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

Pfrog,
I think you are way out of line. We are all here for support. We support each other not bring each other down. I do not know how you possibly came to the conclusion that Blue valued the guitar over her children. No where on here does it state that. Blue is an amazing mother and person in general and I think you owe her an appology....just saying

Blue, Keep on keeping on girl. You are a wonderful mom with a huge heart of gold. I hope things are going better. Im so happy you got your guitar back. Thats very fortunate. Id like to see a pic of your guitar. Can u post one? Idk it just sounds really pretty. haha Im curious.

Yes, we are all here for support, and as with any support group, certain discussions will serve to trigger different members of the group ... We are not always going to agree or feel comfortable with opposing opinions or sides ... However, that doesn't make them any less valid (or deserving of an apology for that matter) ...

A child (or adult survivor) who has grown up in a violent, chaotic, alcoholic family is certainly going to view their experience totally different than the violent, chaotic alcoholics who've abused them, as well as the enablers who've allowed the abuses to go unaddressed ...

I will ask the moderators to review my comments and remove them if they feel they are inappropriate ... But, based on my life experiences, I see it the way I see it, and again, that doesn't make me or my feelings about it any less valid.

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

[Moose72]

Pfrog your comment above was kinda triggering for me. Warning woulda been nice.

[moremi]

Im sorry if you are an adult survivor of a violent, chaotic, alcholic family. You may need support on a different forum for survivors of abuse. I still do not see why you would come at Blue that way????

[moremi]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Pfrog your comment above was kinda triggering for me. Warning woulda been nice.

Im sorry Moose I think Pfrog seems to have stumbled upon the wrong forum. Not sure why they are posting here, dont see where they are giving or trying to get support for anything. Only offending others on purpose with rude rude comments and offending others by not warning about abuse. I think he/she owes and appology to you and Blue and everyone else who has been offended.

[Clinte89]

P frog tends to do that and has to me on more than one occasion I agree he/she are in the wrong forum.

Originally Posted by Clinte89

P frog tends to do that and has to me on more than one occasion I agree he/she are in the wrong forum.

That is not true, Clinte89 ... I have never once commented or responded to a thread or comment you have posted until now ...

Furthermore, none of us are in the wrong forums here ... All forums are public, and as such are open to being read and commented on by any and all ...

Also, most mental health diagnoses have shared indicators even if the person doesn't share the exact same diagnosis ...

At any rate, I've already asked the moderators to evaluate my comments and remove them if they feel they are inappropriate ...

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

[moremi]

Im sorry if that sounded like I was trying to shun you. That was not what I was trying to do, I was just trying to say there are forums out there for survivors of abuse or ptsd that may be better suited for you. Of course you are welcome here if you need our support. Just please dont come in with mean comments, we are like a family here. This is our little oline bipolar family. We listen to each other and support each other everyday and you are welcome to be a part of that just no judgements allowed.

[Clinte89]

Yes welcome to be apart of it but it's the wrong forum for such Messed up comments. You can stay if you play nice. But the last time we had a run in you where none to nice to the other poster to cant remember who but you and I got into it a little on that one to so your not welcome if you continue to be rude and mean you can keep your opinions to yourself. Only thing asked for was support and maybe on the occasion advice but not your opinion.

That is all
Clint

[Clinte89]

But anyway blue hang in there your doing great! Much love

[BlueInanna]

Thanks for the support guys, made me cry.]

PFrog, I'm sorry if my post triggered you. And apologies to anyone I did not mean to hurt or trigger anybody. PFrog- I grew up in an alcoholic home. Luckily I was never severly abused. But I was shown an unhealthy model of what a family looks like. Do I judge my mother for loving my father and trying to keep her family together? No because she loves me and she's a great mom. Both of my ex's are alcoholics, I go to Alanon now. My dad was bipolar, so was his mother and she took her own life, tragically. My children mean everything to me, and I am everything to them because their fathers are not able to be there for them. I don't have family around to help me. I have a full time job, and I'm raising my beautiful, bipolar family on my own without state assistance or child support. (nothing wrong with getting state assistance - just trying to open up and show you who I am)

I am not a materialistic person, far from it. I've been through a lot with my son, and forgive him for his mistakes during mania. I'm not sure how you are with your children, or if you have children, or if you know what it's like to raise a severely bipolar teenage baby boy who's also abusing any drug he can get his hands on. I don't know if you've had to sit at hospitals with your children, praying... that they are going to make it. I've been through too much for material items to mean more to me than a life. I'm also just not that way naturally. A guitar meaning more to me than my child or any child or any animal, that's just silly. Guitar is a fabulously therapeutic instrument. Healthy and healing music for me and my family.

I can tell you're hurting PFrog, and that things went wrong for you as a child. We're all willing to be here for you and listen if you want to open up. I'm sorry you're hurting, and that reading my story turned into something all about you.

When I started writing, I thought I would share the random phone call I got that a stranger actually wanted to return something stolen to me. And how cool that was, how cool that she painted the word LOVE on it, random kindness from a stranger, someone doing the right thing! It was a small mysterious miracle to me.

I thought at first I may just say I had a bad day, but that an interesting thing happened out of the blue that gave me some hope. But I started writing, typing and the whole story spilled out, and I guess I needed to get it out. It is healing, like journalling. It's not easy for me to say when I'm hurting. So thank you for listening.

[Clinte89]

We'll listen anytime blue I thought it was a riveting story about lost hope but you realized that there is hope through the kindness of a stranger. Keep up the flattest work with you and your family. Sorry to hear about your childhood but it probably made you into the Great person you are today.

Thanks, BlueInAnna ... Pfrog's got to learn to not respond hastily (and rashly) when she finds herself triggered ... Still working on that and obviously still have a ways to go ...

I appreciate you not responding harshly to what I said ... You're a bigger person than I am in that department ... But, it has given me something to think about for the next time I'm thinking about replying to something while not in the best frame of mind to do so ...

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

[Victoria'smom]

I am so glad you got that call when you did. You really needed good news. I'm so sorry your ex did that to your family. Please look for an alateen group that has a younger group meeting too. I'm just a pm away if you need me

[treehugger727]

(((Blue))) I am very happy that you had some of your faith in people restored. It is so nice and so refreshing to be fortunate to encounter and experience a random act of kindness. I also think that there is something pretty cool about her painting the word "love" on your guitar. I think that's beautiful, especially when she showed you love by bringing back your guitar.

I have witnessed your words becoming random acts of kindness with your support and insight. You are a lovely, kind woman who gives love to all of the members of our little family. I never told you but it was reading your posts in my early lurking days that made me understand that I am not alone and that this is a safe place for help, healing, and fellowship.

hugs and love