[bluemountains]

I'm feeling like a complete failure. I've already lost all of my excitement and energy for my new job. I spent all of last night crying and I'm in tears now just at the thought of going. I've lost 5 lbs. in one week-I don't mind losing the weight, but I would prefer that I don't feel like throwing up every time I eat. Lots of stressors are triggering my feelings, but I think that also some of it is the bp-before starting, I had a week of being very down.

I don't need advice, I just needed to vent. If I can't be successful at this, I think it will completely destroy me.

Bluemountains

[Clinte89]

Hang in there blue

[Trippin2.0]

Hang in there BM, bipolar brain + stress = Overwhelmed = Mental chaos.... I'm sure your body and mind just need to get over the initial overwhelming shock before they allign and let you carry on swimmingly... You can do this, just give yourself a much needed adjustment period, dont be so hard on yourself my friend,you're not failing at anything love you muchness

[faerie_moon_x]

Hang in there. You're not alone.

[Anika.]

You are not failing, you are just getting started. Starts are usually not so smooth. Please be gentle with yourself, and give yourself some credit. What you did is actually a big deal. Like Trippin said allow yourself an adjustment period. Cause it is really a big adjustment.

I hope the venting will help you let it out and let it go.

[BlueInanna]

I hope you are ok Blue. Yes this is still early, adjustment time. Also, you have been through a big sorrow over the summer. Don't be too hard on yourself. I imagine you must be a great teacher, those kids are lucky to have you. We're lucky to have you as a friend here.

[hamster-bamster]

I join others in thinking that this is not a failure but rather a tough start, a challenging adjustment period. I hope it does not last long.

[~Christina]

Vent all you need to ..

[bluemountains]

I survived today, puffy eyes and all. Thank goodness I wear glasses. I think people are noticing-I had people ask me if I felt better today. This is a yelling school, and I am not much of a yeller.
Thanks for all of your support, I knew all of you would understand. I just wish I could stop crying right now.
Bluemountains

[purpledaisy]

Vent away!

I agree with the others about just getting started.

I don't know if it's true, but I've heard people say that it takes 65% of a jet's fuel just to get off the ground, and from there it's pretty smooth and uses less fuel.

So maybe you're using 65% of your jet fuel to get off the ground at this job, and then it will be smooth except for occasional turbulence.

[bluemountains]

Originally Posted by purpledaisy

I don't know if it's true, but I've heard people say that it takes 65% of a jet's fuel just to get off the ground, and from there it's pretty smooth and uses less fuel.

So maybe you're using 65% of your jet fuel to get off the ground at this job, and then it will be smooth except for occasional turbulence.

I love this, purpledaisy!

That is a great analogy, purpledaisy!
Bluemountains, I'm sorry you're feeling so crappy. Beginnings are hard, even for "normies". Be patient with yourself, and remember we're here for you. Lots of and

[bluemountains]

I thought about the jet several times today. Very helpful, it was a better day overall. No tears so far.

I talked with my pdoc. I'm supposed to check in with her every couple of weeks. I had to admit to her that I have been overdoing it on the klonopin, since I am just about out. Her main concern, of course, is my alcohol use with the klonopin. She also wants me to see my therapist weekly, not possible since I can't take off from work. I think I am ready to try more of this on my own. I get tired of both the pdoc and the t constantly checking for sui. behaviors and addiction problems. I'm a bit off, but I don't think I am as bad as they do.