[BlueInanna]

Sleepless night wasted my time.
Laying in the dark for hours...
I really tried I tried I tried
Get up wander the halls
This house is too long
i should've known this would happen
should've been productive
or creative
or anything
other than just laying there
hours raced against my mind
and they won like they win
Sun will be here soon to giggle at me
he's always so amused.

[derekgraham78]

I spend many nights like that, where I cannot turn my mind off for most. Hope it gets better

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

Sleepless night wasted my time.
Laying in the dark for hours...
I really tried I tried I tried
Get up wander the halls
This house is too long
i should've known this would happen
should've been productive
or creative
or anything
other than just laying there
hours raced against my mind
and they won like they win
Sun will be here soon to giggle at me
he's always so amused.

this is awesome Blue C...

(and they won like they win!).....very cool!

I'm struggling with sleep lately too...it's concerning just a little...
If I was destined to be awake inventing amazing crap or something useful..

designing an ion transfer mental illness hyperdrive capture device or something!?

solving world hunger?

making a car out of potatoes!....and discovering that pots ....they do have toes...

a speed of light flotation device for personal and random interplanetary travel?

seems I just lay there too....trying to locate the ULTIMATE 3 dimensional configuration of 5 pillows cos I threw the 6th one at the wall...

...meanwhile under assault from the overworld dimensions using my vapid eyeballs like a drunk driver in cinema!

unsleepy like a poopy night baby no ammount of nappies will solve this problem

Aww Blue,

Me too, I made myself stay in the bed, but watching the clock flip through the numbers.

Kids first day back at school, gotta be up at 6:30 but geez, didn't get to sleep till about 4:30.

I really do hate when days run into to other days with no separation. 48 hour days are just too long. Hope you can get some sleep.



Giggling Sun is kind of a jerk.....



... I don't think this guy appreciates the snickers either!

[faerie_moon_x]

I'm with you, Blue...

Last night I had that weird type of insomnia where my mind is racing but I'm half asleep. You know the type where you're sort of asleep and dreaming, but you're also awake and being bumbarded with racing thougths? Fully aware of the racing thoughts and semi-aware of the dream. It was horrible. I couldn't wake up but I wasn't asleep, and when my alarm went off I felt like a train had just plowed through my brain all night....

And Anika... that snowman is the zombie snowman reaching up out of the ground. ACK!

Boooo here too. I tried kickin the sun but fell on my back. There were a lot of us up last night struggling to to see the back of our eyelids just to toss for hrs and curse the sheets cause they don't keep up.

Good to read your enchanting words again "Dubble".

Wonder if it was something cosmic pulling at the chemicals in our brains?

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

this is awesome Blue C...

(and they won like they win!).....very cool!

I'm struggling with sleep lately too...it's concerning just a little...
If I was destined to be awake inventing amazing crap or something useful..

designing an ion transfer mental illness hyperdrive capture device or something!?

solving world hunger?

making a car out of potatoes!....and discovering that pots ....they do have toes...

a speed of light flotation device for personal and random interplanetary travel?

seems I just lay there too....trying to locate the ULTIMATE 3 dimensional configuration of 5 pillows cos I threw the 6th one at the wall...

...meanwhile under assault from the overworld dimensions using my vapid eyeballs like a drunk driver in cinema!

unsleepy like a poopy night baby no ammount of nappies will solve this problem

lol yea they won like they win like they do when they do what they do. just finish one day, or year, and another one comes. just like last night was trash night, again, they keep happening every week.

hey potato cars could feed some people... might want to cook the potatos first so it'll be ready to eat. and you could eat too while you drive around and feed the people.

pots have toes? most have holes, they should at least for good drainage and soil airation. i see how toes could help for that.

i think i saw a gazebo that had to be a speed of light interplanetary flotation device. kind of reminded me of dr. who's tardis time travel machine...

i have 6 pillows too lol... it gets to be a bit too many. it's a big bed but my son usually sleeps with me since grandma has been staying in his room. i'll try 5... threw 1 at wall, didnt even make a sound darnit lol.

hmm overworld dimensions... lemme get my whip an i'll show em... or might need a sword for that...

thanks

[BlueInanna]

Anika,
LMAO
that's him, that's the guy, gigglin sun thinks everything is sooooo funny!! well it's not!!
aaarghh lol
that's awesome, thanks

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

And Anika... that snowman is the zombie snowman reaching up out of the ground. ACK!

You mean theeze guyzzzzz....




I better stop, I get way to excited for winter, September is a bit to early for christmas trees .. .. people say.

Blue, I can't allow myself to watch Dr.Who at bedtime anymore, That's what started this round of insomnia.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by Anika

You mean theeze guyzzzzz....



.

This... is... awesome!!!

Talk about insomnia, who could sleep with that in the yard?

Oh and that sun from Teletubbies is way more creepy than snowman zombie... That whole show will cause you insomnia just from the sheer terror!

The only problem with a baked-potato car is I wouldn't get where I'm going, I'd eat it all. I love potatoes! And I'd be covered in butter, which would make me feel all yuck. It reminds me of James and the Giant Peach. The thing I thought of that whole book was how he crawled inside the peach, but never once complained that he was all sticky from the juice.

I have one pillow and it's a memory foam pillow from that sleep number place. I've had it for 11 years. It's awesome. Perfect pillow for me. But, it's bad in a pillow fight because it weighs so much, so you could snap a neck with a good direct hit...

[BlueInanna]

LOL DH - James and the giant peach, hahahah, i know right... sticky...

fun for adults, you gotta have a juicy peach dripped on you and licked off at least once in your life, it's uhmmm ... delightful

Wow, you guys have a lot of pillows!!

I have pillows, that get put on the floor at bed time, and I have to sleep with my hands in prayer position tucked under my cheek. I can't handle having anything feeling like it is getting in the way of my breathing path.

I have one of those latex pillows and it hasn't gone a bit flat in 7 years, but I'm like you a lot lately "Anika", if it wasn't for feeling like I was breaking my neck I'd throw it in the floor. Just can't seem to get comfortable.

And "Blue", let's becareful with the "peach" talk.....we're trying to stay away from that mania...ha ha ha...just kiddin

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

LOL DH - James and the giant peach, hahahah, i know right... sticky...

fun for adults, you gotta have a juicy peach dripped on you and licked off at least once in your life, it's uhmmm ... delightful

hehe...I completely missed the peach......unusual for a fruitball!

but I reckon the only peach drippin' off me would be chucked in my face...



and how surprised I would be to not see it !

like you say a giant peach....maybe doesn't matter how much nobody be lookin at it ....still gonna flatten you..

[BlueInanna]

there's no way that giant peach could've made it that far, lol... he should've made it an unripe peach, much more believable haha, ripens along the way to NY city.

if it was a ripe juicy peach in the beginning, it would have been canned fruit sauce after the first roll down that hill.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

there's no way that giant peach could've made it that far, lol... he should've made it an unripe peach, much more believable haha, ripens along the way to NY city.

if it was a ripe juicy peach in the beginning, it would have been canned fruit sauce after the first roll down that hill.

Yeah, it would have been peach mush. But at the end wasn't it just a seed that was left anyway? I can't remember. I was only 11 when I read that book to begin with... But I played the Lady Bird in the school play. LOL.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

Yeah, it would have been peach mush. But at the end wasn't it just a seed that was left anyway? I can't remember. I was only 11 when I read that book to begin with... But I played the Lady Bird in the school play. LOL.

awww cute... Lady Bird... love it! i read it again a few years ago with my now naughty 16 yr old - so must've been 5 yrs ago holy cow. But I remember somewhere near the end, the peach lands stuck on top of the empire state building...

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

awww cute... Lady Bird... love it! i read it again a few years ago with my now naughty 16 yr old - so must've been 5 yrs ago holy cow. But I remember somewhere near the end, the peach lands stuck on top of the empire state building...

Oh yeah! I remember that, now. They use the spider silk to catch the sea gulls to fly out of the ocean, because they are being chased by sharks. I remember that part.

Hopefully you slept better.

[BlueInanna]

Thanks! I did sleep 6 hours with med helpers, but i'm still tired. got my younger son to school, just trying to muster up the awakeness needed right now to make it to work. too tired to even make coffee, but i really should, it will help me perk up.

my son had relapsed again with meth that night... i think my body knew when he's not safe and hard drugs in the house... and that's why i didn't sleep I now understand ... we talked a lot about it last night. he cried a lot, he was suicidal, manic, drawing on his face with permanent marker, talked him down. my mom kept my 10 yr old in another room during the talk, which helped, but little guy didn't get to sleep on time. this is hard. it's emotional exhaustion but it takes it's toll on the body and mind. i can't barely move to even go make some lame instant coffee.

hope you slept?

[faerie_moon_x]

(((Blue))) I'm sorry you have so much heartache at home right now. Just the fact that you move at all to get your son to school is proof of your strength. I would get you a coffee but I don't have an anywhere door a teleporter or anything.

I slept better. No goofy half awakeness. I have a huge difference in my cognition today vs. yesterday. I can actually think and focus a bit, vs. yesterday where I was just all over the place.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

(((Blue))) I'm sorry you have so much heartache at home right now. Just the fact that you move at all to get your son to school is proof of your strength. I would get you a coffee but I don't have an anywhere door a teleporter or anything.

I slept better. No goofy half awakeness. I have a huge difference in my cognition today vs. yesterday. I can actually think and focus a bit, vs. yesterday where I was just all over the place.

I need you to get an anywhere door lol. i so wish i had friends like you guys in real life

I'm so glad you slept

also, i'm worried about leaving my son here, older son, he's sleeping now which is good. but if he wakes up and i'm not here, he might flip out on grandma. work is an hour drive away. he gets stir crazy in the house, but won't be able to go out with the green moustache he drew on himself last night - it's permanent marker - mania has it's comical moments, or i'm just laughing cuz i don't know what the hell else to do!

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

I need you to get an anywhere door lol. i so wish i had friends like you guys in real life

I'm so glad you slept

also, i'm worried about leaving my son here, older son, he's sleeping now which is good. but if he wakes up and i'm not here, he might flip out on grandma. work is an hour drive away. he gets stir crazy in the house, but won't be able to go out with the green moustache he drew on himself last night - it's permanent marker - mania has it's comical moments, or i'm just laughing cuz i don't know what the hell else to do!

Sometimes you have to laugh instead of cry. Laughing is healing, you know, it's the most healing thing we do. It is good for your heart, your lungs, your blood vessels, it lowers blood glucose and blood pressure, it activates positive brain waves, it stimulates the nervous system, and it relieves stress.

I can just imagine a 16 year old boy with a green marker moustach... my oldest son once drew all over himself with a blue sharpie marker. He even colored in his bellybutton. But he was only two, haha... I can still see him. It took me 3 weeks to get the blue off completely, so your son is going to have a reminder for a while.

Blue,

I am sorry things are still rough. I have zero experience with teens with bipolar and drug addiction except in terms of myself when I was his age. Looking back I am not sure what my parents could have done. My parents were both awol so I can't draw much wisdom on that point. But I guess I would say that if they had been there for me, gave me support and love that maybe that might have been the only thing that "may" have helped.

And you are doing all that already. I really hope your son will be able to overcome this battle. I can understand why you would be having trouble sleeping and coping in general. I think you son is quite lucky to have a very understanding and supportive mother.

The green marker, haha yes it's funny, And you gotta find something to laugh about.



Wishing you a good day at work today, and hoping you can get some proper sleep tonight! You are doing a great job at continuing to work through this and climbing these mountains!

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

Sometimes you have to laugh instead of cry. Laughing is healing, you know, it's the most healing thing we do. It is good for your heart, your lungs, your blood vessels, it lowers blood glucose and blood pressure, it activates positive brain waves, it stimulates the nervous system, and it relieves stress.

I can just imagine a 16 year old boy with a green marker moustach... my oldest son once drew all over himself with a blue sharpie marker. He even colored in his bellybutton. But he was only two, haha... I can still see him. It took me 3 weeks to get the blue off completely, so your son is going to have a reminder for a while.

Yes, laughter is so healing. I didnt know about the other specifics anatomically, good to know, thank you!

Yea it's so cute, when they do that when they're little. He used to color his whole body and face pretty routinely lol. Usually unscented hand cream like eucerin works best to get the colors off the skin, but yea, it may be there awhile.

I smiled along while he was doing it, otherwise he would've done worse. I was careful to not seem judging and just play.

Can you help me with what to say when he's suicidal? (you seem to have done much research on the topic) I think i handled it well last night (and many other times over the past 5 years), but want every tool in my toolbox to save my kid. he has a lot of borderline symptoms too, abandonment by dad was very hard on him. But he's too young to know what's what for sure. One therapist i really liked said that it's good to ask, do you really want to die, or do you want things to be different?

Last night I thought about calling the sui hotline and asking them what to say to him... I have a friend, havent talked in awhile but I know she volunteers at one. But I dont share my situation or my kids with barely anyone.

And i have felt like i wanted to die many times, but can't remember sharing that info with anyone. So I don't have an experience of someone talking me down like what worked, what helped. I think i just cried it out or broke stuff or pulled my hair out until the feeling passed.

thanks

[faerie_moon_x]

Well, I do research suicide so much because I had to battle it within myself. I learned pretty quickly that no one cares if you're suicidal most of the time. Even people I know who have suicidal thoughts think this way. "If you're really going to do it you don't tell anyone, you just do it." It's sickening. Any type of 'reaching out' is considered as 'seeking attention.'

What I've learned more recently from my own experiences, and now knowing that I had what must have been that major psychotic episode, I have come to see that suicidal thoughts and psychotic delusions seem to have something in common: you lose your ability to reality check. The suicidal thoughts become your reality. So talking someone down is no easy task. But, unlike psychosis which can last a long time, suicidal thoughts are like flashes in comparison... once the episode ends they fade back. (which is why I often say suicidal thinking is like the lightning in the storm.)

The only time I had someone help me when I was suicidal was a teacher in high school. I don't remember what was said to me, but it eased it enough that I went home and was okay.

For my teenage self, what would have been the thing to hear? I think "I hear you, and I can see you're in a lot of pain, and I want to help you. I love you, and you're going to be okay because we're going to get through this together." Something like that. "I will help you." Or maybe, "You'll be safe, because I will take care of you, and you don't have to die." And probably, "I want you here, because you're important to me." That would have been good, I think. Stuff like that. Because I think one thing for me when I am suicidal is I feel like there is no love in this world for me, and no one would care if I were dead, and people would be better off without me. And, Blue, these are powerful things to say but the most powerful thing is following through, which I already know you will do for your son.

The Key to fighting the suicide demon is truth, because everything in the mix of suicidal thoughts are lies. Lies that you're worthless, lies that no one loves or wants you, lies that it will never get better, lies that break your soul.