Looking at the bright side

I have felt every mood/emotion known to man already this morning and my T's office just called to say she out sick so I had to resched. I have so much packed on me this upcoming week, with midterms, that I simply had to schedule my next Fri app and skip this one all-to-gether. BUT, this means I only have to go to one class then I get to go home and spend some time w/ hubby and kids (one son is a preschooler and 2 of my kids attend a year-round program that is on extended break).

P.S.We have hit a financial wall that has me way stressed, tummy knotted, IBS in high gear. BLAH! Also I havent been able to sleep in so long last two nights I took a double dose of PM meds (otc) and knocked myself out but it somehow doesn't feel like "real" sleep. I know, that makes no sense, but I wake still exhausted and the dark circles under my eyes look so bad I fear someone will think I am an abuse victim!! Just keep me in your thoughts... this too, shall pass, right?

Oh yes! This will pass. Just hang in there and try to go slow.

I often found that I slept but did not feel or look like inslept when I used benzos to sleep. My bf also uses them here and there and he feels the same too. You and I sound like we have matching eyes at the moment.

I'll keep you in my thoughts, hope the mid terms all go well. Hopefully there will be a little time in there for you to relax and have some me time as well. And heres hoping you get a restful sleep as well!

Meds disrupt REM sleep. Thats why you still feel tired.

Trippin wrote a beautiful post on sleep maintance. Ill link to it when I get on a laptop.(its still on the 1st page)

Yes it will pass. Each barrier is just a test. Stay strong, continue to do ur school work. I'm not sure if ur spiritual or religious. God is a BIG part of my mental stability. I owe Him everything. I'm working on having a deeper relationship with God. Two months ago I sat on my sofa in shock for one hr then cried for an hr. I lost my job, was abt to get evicted and lost my medical insurance...all in the same week. BUT I was not evicted and I found other insurance (temporary). I'm a very grateful and humble woman.

I'm not sure if ur familiar with WRAP (wellness recovery action plan) by Mary Ellan Copeland, check it out online.

Yes, Coco, I have a personal relationship to my Creator. I appreciate your prayers

Great. I know things are very hard right now and it's hard picturing sunshine in the mist of a thunderstorm. But be strong and know that this too shall pass.

I understand the inefficient sleep all too well. While it's true meds can disrupt one's sleep, I've been on all of mine for quite some time, and none of them have ever had somatic side effects. I was on a Benzo for a long time that did interfere with my REM sleep I believe, but at the time getting the anxiety under control was at the top of the list.

Now that I'm not on a Benzo, nor take any sleep meds, my P-doc stayed on me to get my sleep problem checked out. Lo and behold, I have Sleep Apnea. My sleep dr is amazingly knowledgable, and explained that when doctors prescribe sleep meds like Ambien to ppl, they really do them a disservice in two ways: One, the sleep med, paradoxically, keeps the brain from going into all of its rhythms/cycles, hence why ppl get addicted because they feel they need more and more to get proper sleep. Two, since the meds aren't actually a solution, the patients go around with some kind of sleep problem/disorder that legitimately needs looking at. I am eternally grateful that when I asked my P-doc if I needed a sleep med (my sleep ranged from insomnia to sleeping 3 hours a night to sleeping 12+ hours and feeling as exhausted as before hitting the bed) he bluntly said, "No."

I'm not saying you have a sleep disorder, obviously. I'm just sharing my experience. My sleep dr also told me that Benzos, being a "relaxer" of sorts, also relax the throat muscles, making it hard for some ppl to get adequate oxygen, etc.

I hope some of this helps someone; I knew of noone that had Sleep Apnea, and my P-doc, T and myself were the ONLY ones who thought something legitimately was wrong; even my bf--who has always supported everything--said, "I don't think you're going to find the answers you're looking for."

Enough for now.

LTT, Outside of just not sleeping or not sleeping well, what are some of the symptoms you were experiencing before they diag. you with apnea?

Other than sleep problems, I was having an awful time remembering things. One of my meds already screws that up, but this was much worse---little things I could no longer remember to do, calls to make, etc. Also my concentration wasn't as good; I had to really focus to read, write things down. I didn't wake myself up, but I snored A LOT, and never snored in my life until a couple yrs ago. My bf is a deep sleeper, and I woke him up so often he started recording it to let me hear later....my snore sounded like a motorcycle on a road, changing gears, with a distinct gasping/gurgling sound (there are a few youtube clips of ppl doing same thing). A big thing was/is while laying in bed on my way to sleep, my body would suddenly/spontaneously intake air; I was never asleep, fully conscious, but it happened nightly, and still does now though to a lesser degree. But the biggest scare for me was before I saw dr, on three separate occasions I woke up not breathing; as in, I woke up and had the distinct realization my diaphragm was completely still. It was terrifying.

First visit I had to fill out a sleep questionnaire--on a scale of 1-10 how tired/unrested did I feel daily, did I fall asleep easily sitting in a car in traffic, etc. When he told me that first appt. everything---including several years before gaining weight/being on meds I'd had bouts of insomnia, most of my life never feeling rested, regardless of activity level---in my history was textbook Sleep Apnea, I cried and hugged him; to finally be heard.....I'm not just "not trying" enough. I adore him.

I hope I answered your question. If not just lemme know...I'm kinda hazy at the moment.

Ty, LTT, I dont think I have many of the symptoms as you have described them. I dont fall asleep easily any time any where. I spend hours trying to get to sleep. I do occasionally snore if I am exceptionally tired but its rare. I do have trouble sleeping, never feel rested and have nightmares when I do sleep.

Initially when I saw my sleep dr, because I had such awful--crippling--daytime fatigue/drowsiness, he wanted to rule out Narcolepsy. He told me later that there are many types of sleep disorders, and that sometimes he'll have a patient get a proper diagnosis only to find out later on they have an additional sleeping problem, I hope to everything that isn't me.

I'm not trying to push you to go see someone, I just wanted to say that even though you don't have the same symptoms doesn't mean there isn't something significant going on. If you have Insomnia for example--which is what it sounds like it might be--that is a legitimate sleep problem. My dr explained to me that ppl come to him saying they had a prob with sleep. He'd ask, "What time do you go to bed?" "I go to bed at 9:00, because that's what time my husband does." "Ok, what time do you get up in the morning?" "8:00am" "Ok, that's almost 12 hours of being in bed. You don't need to be in bed that long if you're not sleeping; it's actually counterproductive." He said that it's one thing to lie in bed trying to sleep but you're not really tired; it's another thing entirely to have disruptions in sleep--tired but can't sleep, waking up frequently, night terrors, etc.--which need addressing.

I hope that makes sense. Something he told me I found highly interesting. He said, "If ppl come to me and say, 'I never remember any dreams' or, 'I remember all my dreams, every night' that tells me they have a sleep problem. It's normal to remember dreams ever so often. But to not have any or an excessive amount indicates the brain is not going through all of the necessary stages of sleep. After the fact, I realized that pre-diagnosis I did remember a lot of my dreams...I would wake up in the middle of one or just after having one regularly, which is apparently not normal.

I want to and like sharing about this because so few ppl know about any of it. I certainly didn't until I went to him. It explained a lot not just for me, but in regards to family members, etc. What really made me respect my doctor is that he felt so certain something was wrong he wasn't going to stop until we got to the bottom of it, regardless of what it took...even if tests proved otherwise.