Mostly stabilized, but still stuck in old patterns

I used to think that getting past my depression would solve my problems. When I started on anti-depressants and immediately felt wonderful, it was like a dream come true. I felt on top of the world: like I could do anything be anything. I started many things and had brilliant plans. In retrospect I was clearly hypomanic. I can see now that I had been so in the past, but the AD left me in the longest episode I'd ever had. It also triggered rapid cycling especially as we increased the dose. I got to the point where I cycled every few days. I eventually ended up with a bipolar dx and a while after that with a mood stabilizer that works pretty good. Except now, with the stability, I don't know what to do with myself. Actually I guess I just don't know how to do it. I have isolated so long I'm afraid to go out in the world. I do have friends, but I don't go out with them much. I know all the things I should do to deal with my illness and I rarely do. I also have psychological issues unrelated to the bipolar (though they may have triggered or worsen it significantly) and although I know I could be helped my talking to my T, I can't make myself do so. That seems to be the story right now. I what to do with my life, what I want to do with my life, and other than one or two areas I haven't. It's just so frustrating.

Hi Merlin

I can totally relate to what you are saying. I have just gone through the worst hypomanic episode in my life and because I have just been diagnosed with Bipolar II, hypomania with mixed states and have gone on Depokate and lowered my anti D, I felt myself "crashing" down into depression today. Although have to say the meds are pulling me out of it pretty quickly.

I too have only a few friends, mostly mums in the local community. I have my own business working from home and have felt very isolated. I don't see my mum friends hardly at all.

You don't say how long you have been seeing your therapist. I think the main thing is to give yourself time, you have just been through a hell of a lot and you have to heal. I don't know your situation and if you are single or married, with children etc.

Feel free to pm me anytime and we can chat some more. I know just how you feel, I really do, but we have to give ourselves time.

((((hugs))))

You said that you feel afraid to go out into the world--have you talked to your therapist about that? It may be that you need to look at the social anxiety and the bipolar as two seperate (though related) problems. I only mention it because there are different kinds of treatments and strategies for each.