Overview of the week so far.

This week has certainly been unpredictable, different, and stressful. My moods have been the worst I have ever seen them get. First of all, this has been some of my worst depression, and someone my highest hypomania. I can't recall many of the actual events now, but I do remember a few. I have gotten very ridiculous as well. As for the depression, it has made everything very difficult. I have a lot of trouble concentrating and getting my work done for school. At home, I will often find myself sitting and think about what needs to get done, stressing about it, rather than getting it done. I have wanted to just skip my homework and sleep a lot, but I have managed to get myself to get most of my stuff done. Most. I haven't been able to study very well, and I also end up doing some of my stuff in class because I wasn't able to complete it the night before. As a result a result of my bad study habits and fluctuating moods, my grades have gone down slightly. This morning, I wanted to cry the WHOLE time I was getting ready. I even almost skipped the day, but I didn't, then got super hypomanic soon after. My moods are a complete roller coaster. When I am home, I am usually in complete misery. At school, I always go back and forth between misery and happiness. When I am hypomanic, I laugh a lot. I start talking a lot, think of a bunch of stupid stuff, start coming up with plans, get very optimistic, and get super excited about everything. Today, I was so excited about getting to do work, I was even shaking. I start getting really loud and obnoxious and hit people a lot. I also push people into the walls, take and break their stuff, and smack them really hard for fun. Yesterday, I decided to squirt hot sauce all over the wall at school (by the way, it's still there so that shows how well my school cleans). I go back and forth between these things all day, also adding in a lot of aggravation too. When I am hypomanic, I feel like I am in control of everything, including my moods, and line I will be fine. But when I become depressed, it feels like I have no control, like I have took a big step back in progress, and like I am not going to succeed in my future. These feelings cause me to almost tell my parents, since the misery and pressure are so terrible. These last 3 days (the week so far) have been the worst, and I feel like at this point it is clear that something is wrong, and that if I go without help much longer, I will end up digging myself a hole that is going to be hard to get out of.

If you are hyper vigilant of your moods, they typically get worse.

You may want to look into borderline personality disorder, too. I think you really need to see a good therapist who can work with you on managing your emotions. The best way to do this is to talk to a school counselor or talk to your parents. A pdoc may even prescribe you some medication to help mellow yourself out.

The problem of poor concentration will resolve itself, by and large, when you start sleeping enough - as has already been discussed here.

I will definitely have to take the whole BPD thing into consideration, thanks for responding!

Instead of taking these illnesses into consideration, you should just see a professional and talk to your parents.

The professional will have to ask you diagnostic questions, regardless of whether or not you diagnose yourself with an illness.

Yep, you're completely right.

BPD is a bit early for her - aren't PD's diagnosable after 18 only?

You have a good point there, I forgot about that.

They are, but so was Bipolar until the past 5-6 years...
I don't know if it is bipolar, borderline or bp rapid cycling.

Regardless of what it is, I am a strong believer in therapy. I don't think medications should be prescribed until reaching legal adulthood unless there are circumstances that prove without a doubt that the medication is needed. At least with a therapist you can work on finding root causes to behavioral reactions to weed out whether or not it is a chemical imbalance. If the patient, even at a young age, understands why they are experiencing things it can only benefit them.

Plus, there is not a sufficient body of evidence that shows the efficacy of long-term use of medications. There is not a lot of research (it seems) on children who have taken these medications and how it later affects their cognitive and motor skills when they are older.

For example, psychiatric medication has done a number on my ability to concentrate. (I started meds at 19, now 23) I used to read constantly, and struggle to read large body of texts now. I don't complain because medication has helped in my emotional stability, but I'd hate to get to the point where I need a stimulant to help me focus.

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Can you describe the situation as a mood change occurs?

Like do you get triggered by words/situations/friends/ect? What prompts you to hit people? (Like do they say anything to you?)

There are deffinetly situations that make my moods change. Like going I a different class, doing homework, seeing my friends, and even things as simple as listening to music left alone with my thoughts. And the whole hitting people thing, I do it for fun just because it annoys them, but, if they try to get back at me or insult me, then I try a lot more and a lot harder. I am easy to get aggravated if the right thing is said. And, the right thing is a lot of things.

In the class...

Does your mood change based on how much you like your classmates and your teacher?

Yeah, it does a little bit. But it mainly has to do with what work I have to do for the day. Sometimes if something is complicated it will make me feel depressed and make me think I will not do well, leading to other negative thoughts, other times, I will see it as a way to show my "awesome" abilities in school. I notice my moods are more often a certain one during certain classes, but they are not always the same, it just seems to be more often.

Do you ask for help when things are difficult or try to figure it out on your own?

Do your negative thoughts tell you that you will not succeed and that you're stupid?

Do you have a T ? They are helpful in learning ways new ways to cope and process emotions. Its not an overnight fix, but its very effective.

Good luck

I usually just try to figure them out myself, but if I KNOW it will take to long or if I have no idea what to do, then I ask. And my thoughts like that are more of me over exaggerating the difficulty of something instead of thinking it through, also it is sometimes thinking that I will not succeed. I do sometimes get the thought that I am stupid, but it is not very often.

And no I do not I have one, but I wish because I think it would be helpful.

What's preventing you from telling your parents?

More that I am afraid of there reactions, I don't want them to overreact or anything. Once they start getting really involved in something, it gets quite annoying.

I hope you find a way to get some help that will allow you to enjoy a calmer mood daily. It's hell being all over emotionally every day. You deserve to feel better.

Good luck

Thanks, I appreciate the support!

Do you think you could write them a note? At the end of the note you can tell them you will go to them when you're ready to have a heart-to-heart about it.

The fact that your parents are involved shows their love for you.

Yeah, it would probably be a really good idea. Thanks!