[tnlibrarian]

My post and some of the others made me wonder about this. How many of us feel like we have the support of the other important person or people in our lives?

My husband and I read an article that was about how to keep a marriage where one person is bipolar going. Aside from communication, communication, communication it emphasized that the non bipolar person absolutely must be supportive and the bipolar person must tell them how they can help, be it by making sure they take their meds, giving them time alone or just letting them cry when they need to. We've agreed to make a commitment to those things. I'm encouraging him to join a support group for spouses of bipolar people and take a class offered by the local psych hospital on bipolar disorder. So not only how supportive are they of us--but how supportive are we of them?

[sugahorse1]

In our relationship, we both carry on as if I'm not sick. I don't get much support, and therefore don't bother to communicate too much either.
It is very hard this way

[LadyShadow]

You know, personally, I dont put the burden of my bipolar on my SO. I want to be treated like a regular girlfriend. My boyfriend knows about the bipolar and is very sensitive to it so he understands when I get mad/emotional. But I try my best to do the work needed to be healthy on my own, like meditate, take my pills. and exercise so I can have peace of mind and the bipolar will be under control as best as it can be.

Thats the best way I think.

[faerie_moon_x]

It depends, but for the most part my husband is in denial. I think he would be really supportive if he understood more. But he doesn't research it and doesn't want to believe something is wrong. I don't think he does it on purpose. Sometimes he's very supportive and sometimes not at all. But, I also wonder if he also has bipolar sometimes. It runs in his family pretty strongly.

I give my wife everything! I don't get mad when she messes up and I do my best to make all of the bad situations for her better by not being part of the problem.

she is happy in our marriage when it comes to me.

but she keeps me on a short leash. she monitors me closely and she doesn't let me get away with ****! ugh... i am constantly walking on eggshells. she is so smart.. but has little common sense when it comes to dealing with others. she is so black and white but I am all of the shades of grey.

I'm tired of walking on eggshells. sometimes I have to remember that I am an adult and that there is nothing really that anyone else can do to me and I sometimes rebel and purposely not listen just to prove my independance.

ugh.... i'm so tired of walking on eggshells. and no... talking to her about it doesn't help.

[PiperLeigh]

I know I am very blessed in this regard. I have a very devoted spouse who loves me unconditionally. He is extremely supportive and loves me through the good, the bad, and the ugly. He makes sure I take my meds and talks me through things when I'm suicidal. If I'm not getting sleep, he pushes me to take something so I don't cycle. He is the one person in this world that I know I can trust and not wonder if he is looking out for my best interests. I do think he gets frustrated with me sometimes and wonder why I can't just pull myself together, but those times are rare. He's human. He's allowed to get impatient with me. Heck I get impatient with me. He puts up with a lot and I'm very thankful for his encouragement and support.

[katgalaxy8606]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

It depends, but for the most part my husband is in denial. I think he would be really supportive if he understood more. But he doesn't research it and doesn't want to believe something is wrong. I don't think he does it on purpose. Sometimes he's very supportive and sometimes not at all. But, I also wonder if he also has bipolar sometimes. It runs in his family pretty strongly.

Sometimes I feel like I'm trying so hard to make my husband understand my illness...I get this nagging in my head that says maybe I'm emphasizing Bipolar too much and that I shouldn't bring it up unless "necessary"...but if I look to what I truly feel and believe, I feel that it is necessary to talk about it a lot of the time because it affects me every single day. I have to remember to take medication, to watch my moods, my sleep, my nutrition. Is it not something that we're constantly carrying around with us? My mother once told me I shouldn't think about Bipolar. Just address it when something bad happens. That sounds like a terrible treatment plan to me.

ANYWAY....

I often feel like I'm treading water with getting my husband to understand me better. Maybe it'll never happen the way I want it to. But I'd like for him to be more proactive, that he would take an active role in my recovery as he has vowed to help care for me. He knew I was Bipolar way before we were married but a lot of the time I think he feels as if this is my issue. Maybe he thinks that I'll feel as if he's intruding when he doesn't know much. But it's also an ignorance that he doesn't have to know anything about Bipolar because nothing terribly bad has happened yet. There's no prevention. Every time I was in the hospital, I was still unmarried and I was being essentially taken care of by my parents. There have been no real suicide attempts, no hospital stays, nothing like that that he's had to care for. Maybe he doesn't realize how much it affects me. But it really, really does.

He has had a lot of emotional issues lately as well. Sometimes he's checked out, not able to help me out because he's dealing with his own anger and depression.

Originally Posted by sugahorse1

In our relationship, we both carry on as if I'm not sick. I don't get much support, and therefore don't bother to communicate too much either.
It is very hard this way

I'm sorry it's like that sugahorse. I feel like we carry on (my husband and I) a lot of the time like I'm not sick too. I rather address Bipolar up front than sweep it under the rug. I need more support. And better communication.

*******************

Someone said earlier that we should support our spouses too. I agree with that, but in my relationship, it needs to be going both ways. Any ideas you all have for supporting our spouses/SOs, and ways that our spouses/SOs can support US?

-KATGALAXY

[faerie_moon_x]

I don't think I share about my bipolar too much. I'm not good at asking for help and when I do I am usually shot down. Life has taught me this. But even if I request that he look up things online and learn about it, he doesn't. So when it is causing problems it causes major ones.

[Jaytee]

As the wife of someone who was recently diagnosed with bipolar, I would like to learn how to be more supportive. I have done as much reading as I can, and can I ask "What does it mean for a spouse to be supportive"? My husband is still in the facility, and I am not sure when he will be released. I visit with him everyday and am trying to get as much information from the doctors as possible.

But emotionally, how do I support my husband as we are going through this? Are there things I should avoid talking about when I visit with him? I am open to any advice. Thanks!

[bluemountains]

My husband is super supportive. He takes care of everything in the house and with the kids when I can't function. I am very lucky to have such a wonderful husband!
Bluemountains

[Eliza Jane]

We are early in our marriage and trying to figure a lot of things out. In general he is supportive, and willing to put money into expensive treatment (TMS, out of network doctors, etc.) But I don't think he totally understands. And he will occassionally let one of his worries slip out and I'm like where did that come from? In his defense, I keep a lot from him. For example, I don't share suicidal thoughts with him. I try to put on a happy face even when I am not doing well. I still worry that he will leave me if I "misbehave" by being too sick. (Yeah, I'm in therapy and I get that this isn't healthy!)

Best,
EJ

[BipolaRNurse]

My husband and sister are very supportive. They just don't "get" bipolar, which is understandable because neither of them have it and NOBODY who doesn't have this can possibly understand it. But I'm very blessed to have them, plus my online support groups and a really awesome psychiatrist, and I'm grateful for them!

[Confusedinomicon]

My boyfriend is my best friend. Last night I sobbed for 3 hours and he held my hand.

He works in pharmacy as a tech so he understands the why. He says I cycle more off meds. My cat has been therapeutic for me too. I am not completely alone with him home.

[thickntired]

I was diagnosed as BP after I got married. I snapped and went into a psychosis where I accused him of being the father of a friend's baby. He had to call my parents, and I was diagnosed BP about one month into the marriage.

I find myself extremly lucky that my husband didn't leave me, and I think some of that is our age difference (he is 11 years older). We talk very openly about my issues and he is always on the lookout for red flags that I might be manic.

Some areas where he wasn't supportive was after he read a few books on bipolar. He is afraid of my manic spending sprees and said "when you have a bipolar spouse they usually will bankrupt the person." And I am trying but still not so great at budgeting cash.

[BlueInanna]

bf is somewhat supportive of me. He gives me a lot of space, and we don't live together. I'd rather have a best friend to spend my life with.

he is very judgmental of my middle son. i confronted him about negative things that were being said to my youngest at school regarding his brother. one little friend of my youngest told him she knows all about it because her dad is best friends with my bf. what my bf had to say about this, "everyone already knows what Nathan is all about". and I don't remember the rest because I think i was screaming, "Nathan has MI, he has a right to privacy, he is a child, he has had the right to his privacy for the past 7 years!" I have no friends really, bf is friends with everybody and has to gossip about a mentally ill child... i think I hate my bf. But I'm a loser too because i stay with him.

end rant, sorry.

[Eliza Jane]

Originally Posted by Jaytee

As the wife of someone who was recently diagnosed with bipolar, I would like to learn how to be more supportive. I have done as much reading as I can, and can I ask "What does it mean for a spouse to be supportive"? My husband is still in the facility, and I am not sure when he will be released. I visit with him everyday and am trying to get as much information from the doctors as possible.

But emotionally, how do I support my husband as we are going through this? Are there things I should avoid talking about when I visit with him? I am open to any advice. Thanks!

A lot of it varies person to person. I would ask him directly for ways in which he would like to be supported. Maybe he would like you to accompany him to appts (or maybe not). Maybe he would like company when he is down or maybe he would like space. Communication is key. How have you supported each other through other challenges? Do you guys like to talk about things or problem-solve or...?

Best to you both,
EJ

[Victoria'smom]

Both of us have bipolar so we help each other a lot and understand each other. We have “backed off” a lot when our team told us to rely on them more often when dealing with MI. Here's a list of things he does for me. I probably have a similar list.

Depression

• Cooks
• cleans
• Doesn't let me isolate
• got me a dog
• Asks me if I want to take my meds
• reminds me of my crisis plan
• reminds me it's temporary

hypo/mania

• keeps me in side
• takes sole parenting responsibility
• makes sure I lay down
• debates med compliance
• brings out MMA gear

psychosis

• makes sure I take sleeping meds
• Stays up until I fall asleep
• reminds me I'm safe
• holds my hand
• convinces me to call pdoc / T
• Reminded me to follow crisis plan

How my dog helps

• tells me when a noise should be paid attention to (panic)
• Play fights (aggression / to much energy)
• forces me to pet / interact her (depressed)
• jumps on my lap and sits with me (if crying / depressed)
• Wines at my door if I'm in bed to long (can't sleep over 12 hrs)
• Wines at my door if I'm in the bathroom to long (no SI / SU)

I'm thinking of getting my dog professionally trained as a psych assistance dog.