[purpledaisy]

Thoughts of death, but not being suicial -- I think there is a difference. Do you?

And if I mention to therapist or psychiatrist that I've had thoughts of death but not of killing myself, do they automatically whisk you away to the hospital?

I've had a rough few weeks.

Between the daily crying jags and forcing myself to continue going to an 8-to-5 job where I'm about to be fired (which is causing a lot of stress for me), I've thought about death, what it would be like to be gone, and how at times it seems like there is no point in going on.

But I have not thought of killing myself.

For one, I don't think I have the guts to do it.

For another, I was raised to believe it is a sin that would get me kicked out of Heaven.

But when the evenings drag on and on, and I'm incredibly lonely even if I force myself to be around other people, it seems like the only way to hold on for things to possibly get better in the future is to take a sleeping pill and sleep through it. Which leads to getting up and forcing myself to go to the 8-to-5 job where I'm about to get fired.

I've read some posts where people suggest watching funny movies to get through the depression.

Sometimes that helps.

Sometimes it makes me even more aware of how alone I am. Look at those actors. They have lives. They're doing something fun and creative. Where did they get the words they are saying? From a writer. Someone creative sat down and wrote that script. Someone saw their dreams come true when that script was made into a movie. Hundreds of people were employed because of that burst of creativity.

And here I sit. Alone. Except for the dog. My creativity has shriveled up and I miss it.

[Trippin2.0]

I doubt anyone would whisk you away for suicidal ideation, the hospitals would be muuuch to full if that was the general procedure. When I was in the system, nobody whisked me away, and ideation was daily for a long time at 1 point. My default setting in my thought pattern. My pdoc at the time opted to put me on lithium bcoz they were so frequent, even tho I hardly ever found them distressing. If its something you want to address, do so

[bluemountains]

Nope, they won't put you in for suicidal thoughts. They just ask that if the thoughts change to intent, that you immediately dial 911. Also, your pdoc and t will ask you if you are safe every time you talk to them.
It sounds like you are very depressed. You may want to touch base with a professional to help you through this.
Currently I am at the exact same place and these are the steps I have taken.
Bluemountains

[Confusedinomicon]

I think you are stressed and waiting to be freed from a job that makes you feel worthless. I dont think you'll feel better until you get past the unknown. So all you can do now is destress and try to keep work stress at work. To do this, try to visualize taking off a coat and leaving the baggage at work. When you get back to work, put it back on. You can even use a clothing item to represent work and cut it up/burn it/something when you completly leave to help give yourself physical closure.

Remember there are many chapters in a book.and you havent read the last one quite yet.

Does your dog like walking? Getting some physical activity and being with a dog can help relieve some stress. Animals can be very healing because they dont judge us. When you walk, focus on the dog and the moment. Try talking to the dog, too. I talk to my cat all the time. He ignores me sometimes, but dogs are supposed to be more intelligent.

[purpledaisy]

I leave to see therapist in just a few minutes.

This will be the first time I've seen her since I found out I'll be fired in a few weeks. Much to talk about. Too bad it's only for one hour.

I've been really depressed since psychiatrist put me on Wellbutrin and then doubled it when I told him I was still feeling depressed. Right now, that's the only med I'm on. Lithium hurt my stomach andI can't remember why we quit Abilify besides it's $680 per month without insurance, and I was afraid I was about to lose insurance and didn't want to be on a drug that I couldn't afford.

I talk to my animals, but I'm increasing it.

Confusedinomicon, you are VERY right about the stress of the unknown.

Someone asked me why I don't just quit this job if I'm so stressed out and know that I'm about to be fired. I can't. #1 - I'd lose the insurance sooner than planned. #2 - I don't have another job lined up. #3 - If I quit, I won't get unemployment, and if they fire me I probably will.

Here I go, off to the therapist.

[bluemountains]

Originally Posted by purpledaisy

I leave to see therapist in just a few minutes.

This will be the first time I've seen her since I found out I'll be fired in a few weeks. Much to talk about. Too bad it's only for one hour.

I've been really depressed since psychiatrist put me on Wellbutrin and then doubled it when I told him I was still feeling depressed. Right now, that's the only med I'm on. Lithium hurt my stomach andI can't remember why we quit Abilify besides it's $680 per month without insurance, and I was afraid I was about to lose insurance and didn't want to be on a drug that I couldn't afford.

I talk to my animals, but I'm increasing it.

Confusedinomicon, you are VERY right about the stress of the unknown.

Someone asked me why I don't just quit this job if I'm so stressed out and know that I'm about to be fired. I can't. #1 - I'd lose the insurance sooner than planned. #2 - I don't have another job lined up. #3 - If I quit, I won't get unemployment, and if they fire me I probably will.

Here I go, off to the therapist.

Have you tried lamictal? There's a generic, and for me it is very effective. My son takes abilify and the cost is ridiculous!

[hamster-bamster]

What form of Lithium were you taking? Lithium XR (Lithobid) is far less likely to cause stomach upset. It is more expensive though (regular Lithium is less expensive WITHOUT insurance than with it, and Lithobid runs about $80 a month).

[purpledaisy]

I'm not on lithium. I was, but it made me feel like something was gnawing a hole through my stomach and other nasty things.

[Anika.]

I had thoughts about death all the time. And voices constantly telling me I didn't want to be here, which would start as soon as I opened my eyes, and didn't stop till I went to sleep. But no I did not want to commit sui at the time.

When my doc or T would ask me about this I was honest but made it clear that it was neither an option nor a plan for me. They will not lock you away for that.

I hope your situation gets resolved quickly, and that things will start to fall into place. I hear you on the creative bit.

[katgalaxy8606]

If you ever need a medication that's not generic, and you fall under certain income guidelines made by the manufacturer of the medication (I do this for Symbyax), they will give the medication to you for free (usually you fill out a form and your doctor fills out one portion and they send the meds to your doctor or give you a card to take to the pharmacy). It's great for me. I also take the Lithium XR and it's generally affordable, especially if you can find an RX discount of some sort.

Hope this can help!

-KAT

[NDNOutlaw]

Originally Posted by purpledaisy

Thoughts of death, but not being suicial -- I think there is a difference. Do you?

And if I mention to therapist or psychiatrist that I've had thoughts of death but not of killing myself, do they automatically whisk you away to the hospital?

I've had a rough few weeks.

Between the daily crying jags and forcing myself to continue going to an 8-to-5 job where I'm about to be fired (which is causing a lot of stress for me), I've thought about death, what it would be like to be gone, and how at times it seems like there is no point in going on.

But I have not thought of killing myself.

For one, I don't think I have the guts to do it.

For another, I was raised to believe it is a sin that would get me kicked out of Heaven.

But when the evenings drag on and on, and I'm incredibly lonely even if I force myself to be around other people, it seems like the only way to hold on for things to possibly get better in the future is to take a sleeping pill and sleep through it. Which leads to getting up and forcing myself to go to the 8-to-5 job where I'm about to get fired.

I've read some posts where people suggest watching funny movies to get through the depression.

Sometimes that helps.

Sometimes it makes me even more aware of how alone I am. Look at those actors. They have lives. They're doing something fun and creative. Where did they get the words they are saying? From a writer. Someone creative sat down and wrote that script. Someone saw their dreams come true when that script was made into a movie. Hundreds of people were employed because of that burst of creativity.

And here I sit. Alone. Except for the dog. My creativity has shriveled up and I miss it.

I hear you.

[NDNOutlaw]

Seroquel is increasingly prescribed because unlike other meds that take weeks to feel a difference Seroquels pretty much instant. I couldn't take two much but for putting me out for a full restful night sleep my 50 tabs.(non xr cheaper) work very good. Lamactil is also good.

[hamster-bamster]

How are you doing, Purpledaisy?