[tnlibrarian]

My psych called after I told her husband I wanted her to call me as soon as she got done with her last patient. He didn't give her my messages. She talked to me about my symptoms and said to double Geodon dosage, keep taking Benadryl for sleep, and to do the intensive outpatient program. She said to call her and let her know how I am. If I become suicidal to the point of seriously considering or planning it I am to call her or mobile crisis and go into the hospital.

I told my husband what she said and he was quiet for quite awhile. Then he said after reading how bad people get on the spouses of bipolar people he's basically no longer convinced anything is wrong with me. He agrees with my mom that everybody gets mood swings and the occasional brief suicidal thought. He said I just experience it to a greater degree and don't handle it well. I didn't know what to say. Maybe he's right. Maybe I'm fine and hurt myself because I'm weak or too self centered. Maybe thinking about suicide is normal and a sign I'm weak and a brat. I've lost my rock. I feel like I've been pandered too and like an idiot. Maybe I should quit the meds, suck it up, learn to deal with stress and keep the thoughts to myself. I feel so lost and hurt.

[MommaR]

I really think thats a bad idea. Im so sorry your husband is being unsupportive but you gotta do whats best for you first and the h377 w him

[Victoria'smom]

This may not make any since so I'll try to keep it short and sweet. It sucks that your husband is not on board with you any more. Please continue to take your meds. talk to the new pdoc that you see on Monday about what could help. anyone that is having suicide thoughts should speak to a doc. or therapist whether there dx'd or not.

[hamster-bamster]

Geodon is a great medication and I am sure that doubling the dose will help. Your degree and volume of suicidal ideation is abnormal. Especially given that you yourself keep saying that your life is great - kids, husband, clergy, everyone is great and you are thankful for them. Yet, the ideation. It is abnormal. Something is deeply wrong with your brain chemistry. People in your life situation are happy, and you are suicidal. It is clearly not situational - it is biological. Do you see my point?

Hi, Tnlibrarian.

I think some men may believe (sincerely) that it is a manly thing to think it is essential to place feelings aside and to act only on thinking capacity. That's not the way a woman thinks, in my view.

I had a husband who was a thinker rather than a feeler and he strongly believed in managing feelings by using the intellect. It was never a personal attack on me; it was just his manner of being the leader in my life. It was just a natural thing for him to do.

I suspect that your husband might be acting with the same thought pattern.

Please don't assume that he's insensitive; he doesn't know what you are going through, and he's offering the advice that he would give to a close male friend or your mother's view.

I agree that you need to talk to your psychiatrist about your suicidal feelings. They will pass out of your life when you're adequately medicated and cared for with diet and rest.

Love yourself, too; that always helps.

Take care.

[faerie_moon_x]

Sorry to say but your husband is wrong. Suicidal thoughts are not a 'normal' thing. If your mom is saying that it is normal for people to have suicidal thoughts, then that means she has them and is telling herself this to keep from thinking maybe she has depression or bipolar. People with bipolar have a 30% chance of death by suicide, which is very high.

I'm sorry your husband is being this way. He needs to understand that not all people with bipolar are bad to their spouses. Not all are violent. Not all are promiscuous. Not all spend money like crazy. Not all have drug or alcohol problems. We all experience this differently.

[roads]

I think your husband just snapped. Reached the breaking point. However you want to put it.
He HAS been "your rock," and such a sudden 180-degree change isn't normal.

I think it's stress for him and he doesn't understand how to manage it in an effective way. One way of dealing with a problem is to do nothing--not saying that it's an effective way, far from it, but it is one way to deal with stress.

It tends to make the recipient of it more independent, so you're all right in that he
needs to be given some sensitivity training if he wants his wife to remain close to him.

[BlueInanna]

He's been supportive in past, maybe he's just processing it all. I think he'll come back around. And you have your family in major denial, that's a confusing influence on him. And I'm sure he doesn't want you to be sick, ill, bp, suicidal. None of us want this for ourself or our loved one. But we have it, this is how it is. Try to get in some couples therapy with him.

I'm sure this is a big trigger for you to have your spouse wavering between supportive and not, so be gentle with yourself and him. He's trying to figure it all out just like the rest of us. I'm really hoping he'll come around for you, I think he will.

[faerie_moon_x]

I should say when my mom had cancer, my dad was in complete denial. Despite the fact that there was physical evidance of it. He yelled at her a lot for not being able to keep up the house the way he thought a wife should. When she died he realized what he had done and has told me many times he just didn't want to have to accept losing her, and couldn't believe it or it would break him. He apologized to me probably 100 times for yelling at her.

Denial is a powerful thing.

[NDNOutlaw]

Two questions 1.) Are you thinking of killing yourself? 2.) Do you have a plan? Two most critical questions. If so one or the other you are in immediate crisis and need intervention. Emergency stuff.