...darn it!!

everytime I emerge from a period of episodes...squeeze through all the chaos and pop out the other side!...

what the hell goes on with how serious I am and feel...disturbs me somewhat to agree with what insane new reality this becomes that in order to function "properly" I can't crack a real smile or be the least bit idiotic...like I'm scared...

cos I don't dare wanna get too excited right??

might turn into a LUNATIC again...and immediately!....aaaaaah OMG!!



...what the hell is "properly" anyway? ....makes me feel as creative as a wet sandwich!

[Victoria'smom]

I hope you start feeling more like yourself again. Your not functioning "properly" if you can't smile and "feel as creative as a wet sandwich".

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I hope you start feeling more like yourself again. Your not functioning "properly" if you can't smile and "feel as creative as a wet sandwich".

thankyou Migs (can I call you Migs)...

I do like the way you put that!......makes really good sense.

...am so used to my non-sense

[Victoria'smom]

James you can call me whatever you want, Migs is fine. It's good and strange when things start coming together more but you still should feel like you.

[Anika.]

Sometimes just got to test the waters a bit. I know what you mean James. Just takes a while to find the sweet spot again.

everytime I see your avatar picture Anika...it's a mushroom!

...I know it's not a mushroom but something in my brain insists it's a mushroom everytime I look at it.

...it takes a few seconds to stop being a mushroom but then moments later it's a mushroom again and I have to go through the "it's really not a mushroom it's a show ride" routine..

and it's a HUGE mushroom too

OMG! I thought I was the only one who did this. I get scared of feeling good and I don't trust good situations cuz I know they will either end or that my bp will get the best of me and I will screw them up! It's almost like, at times, that I just wish the episodes would be constant so I could just learn to get on with life without the normal times which seem like constant reminders of what i can never have!

In other words... it breaks my heart every time things start looking good for me and then "it" happens. All the good goes away and I'm left in a worse position than if the good never happened! and my heart breaks every time it happens.

getting over it too, takes longer and longer each time, kind of like I'm in this suspended animation after each episode that this happens.

I fear it, too. not the fact that episodes happen, but what the consequences are.

I actually have anxiety, really bad and I tend to jump ship and run every time I connect with someone cuz I already know the outcome and I don't want to hurt like that again. Lately, I have opened up to two people, and left myself completely vulnerable again.

for the first time people know about my bp and they seem rather protective over it, but I know that will change and I couldn't bear going through that again.

but James, I totally totally get it. Your safe here.

Also.. i feel like I need to redeem myself every time I go through an episode and people see it. I am constantly apologizing on these boards and every time people tell me to knock it off lol.

do you feel that way too? I know that it is natural, but I guess I'll be the one to say... it's all good! You have nothing to feel that way about, assuming that you do, and that it's all good in the hood!

let the wild rumpus begin! lol

[Trippin2.0]

Awww James, that pic of us is soOoOo CUTE! I didnt realize you had it! Mahn I remember that day, what fun it was, convincing the nurses that my unicorn was kidnapped by vikings, and then they refused to give me a fuschia straight jacket with angel wings when they realized it wasnt true! Oh and remember how they didnt believe your life was a sitcom,even tho they were getting paid to be in it? Haha GOOD TIMES!

Hello, Dubble Monkey. Glad to see your post.

Just remember: "We're not from around here" and then enjoy the pleasure of being an individual unlike any other.

Gen

[Trippin2.0]

Gen!!!! Great to see you been missing you, and hoping you're well

[hamster-bamster]

DM, you are OK. If you are able to see a mushroom in Anika's avatar, you are OK. If you are able to want to be silly, you are OK.

[faerie_moon_x]

I also miss being silly...

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

Also.. i feel like I need to redeem myself every time I go through an episode and people see it. I am constantly apologizing on these boards and every time people tell me to knock it off lol.

do you feel that way too? I know that it is natural, but I guess I'll be the one to say... it's all good! You have nothing to feel that way about, assuming that you do, and that it's all good in the hood!

Dan buddy....I pretty much understand everything you write about or express yep...thanks for understanding me too

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

let the wild rumpus begin! lol

hehe...very cool

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Awww James, that pic of us is soOoOo CUTE! I didnt realize you had it! Mahn I remember that day, what fun it was, convincing the nurses that my unicorn was kidnapped by vikings, and then they refused to give me a fuschia straight jacket with angel wings when they realized it wasnt true! Oh and remember how they didnt believe your life was a sitcom,even tho they were getting paid to be in it? Haha GOOD TIMES!

hehe...., awesome Lia! ...yeah they told us it was a 'special' photo shoot so I kept all the pics....heres one of your unicorn just before capture!



poor dude had it's own problems....but we must get him back!
yes they are always GOOD TIMES!....even when the staff are in denial..

Originally Posted by genetic

Hello, Dubble Monkey. Glad to see your post.

Just remember: "We're not from around here" and then enjoy the pleasure of being an individual unlike any other.

Gen

thankyou for reminding me Gen .....so quickly I forget!... I remember I forget just not quicker than I forgot to remember not to forget...you know?

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

DM, you are OK. If you are able to see a mushroom in Anika's avatar, you are OK. If you are able to want to be silly, you are OK.

love the re-assurance Hammi ....so simple and effective... you should get into therapy...but sit in the other chair yep, have your own office

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

I also miss being silly...

me too me too me too

[hamster-bamster]

DM, you are tech savvy and very much so, tell me how you do multiple quotes in one post: do you open two tabs/windows or is there a trick to it that the site itself provides?

[pegasus]

I see mushrooms everywhere dubblem! Please don't worry about it! Missed you buddy!

Originally Posted by pegasus

I see mushrooms everywhere dubblem! Please don't worry about it! Missed you buddy!

...ok Peggy

....hmmm...hehe
couple mushrooms look suspiciously like cactus! ? sort of

I missed you too...

[hamster-bamster]

You should post your drawings more frequently, DM.

[hamster-bamster]

Dubblemonkey, but your smiling mushrooms ARE silly! If you are able to draw them, you ARE being silly! Come visit me: I will cook a yummy wild mushroom soup for you.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

DM, you are tech savvy and very much so, tell me how you do multiple quotes in one post: do you open two tabs/windows or is there a trick to it that the site itself provides?

oh...ok.
yep it took me ages to figure this one out...I'm not very tech savvy.

but anyway what you do is this.....

in the bottom right hand corner you got 5 things

reply box... box with 2 apostrophes... box I'm not sure about... thanks... hugs

when you want to multiple quote....

begin with the message you want to reply to first and click on the box with 2 apostophies

then keep clicking on the box with 2 apostrophies as you go to other messages you want to reply to as well....each time the box should go red

then on the final message you want to reply to along with all the others at the same time you click on the reply box

this will then set up the big response box you are looking for and all the quotes will be there waiting for you...all you gotta do is write what you want to in between the respective quotes yep.

I hope that works out...

(oh...also yep, I just find all the pictures on the google...they not be my drawings nope....wish they were....and that soup sounds awesome!)

[~Christina]

I will be silly with you ! Or Ill just be silly putty

Tomorrow is our day to flat out right to the point " Silly"

Originally Posted by morethingswrong

I will be silly with you ! Or Ill just be silly putty

Tomorrow is our day to flat out right to the point " Silly"

..it's a deal! and it's a plan...

can't wait we can be silly togever!!...

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Awww James, that pic of us is soOoOo CUTE! I didnt realize you had it! Mahn I remember that day, what fun it was, convincing the nurses that my unicorn was kidnapped by vikings, and then they refused to give me a fuschia straight jacket with angel wings when they realized it wasnt true! Oh and remember how they didnt believe your life was a sitcom,even tho they were getting paid to be in it? Haha GOOD TIMES!

...I'm wondering Lia that it was true yep...like reeeally true!!

I think I just spotted your unicorn on this old wooden boat with a bunch of ancient psycho's...

I think I did yep....I just need you to perhaps give me a more accurate description of it??

so far I've got..
1: a regular looking horse with a really big and sharp horn jutting out from it's head.

if you could provide any other distinguishing features that would be helpful

thanks ...hehe

[Trippin2.0]

Lol! Yip, there's a horn on his head. Oh, and his mane changes colour like a mood ring, so sometimes its hard to recognize him his wings have a silver tint, and he has a tongue ring! Yeah,when I havent seen him for a while, I can't be too sure what he looks like cos he's like a mood ring and he's bipolar... ooh! ooh! If you think you see him, he answers to the name Dracula! Thats the only way I know for sure, call him by his name