[LadyShadow]

Just a random rant.

I am home today, in the midst of another Noreaster storm in NYC when we are just recovering from the hurricane. There are many other people out there who have no heat or power in this freezing rain/snow storm.

Yet here I am. Angry. Angry at the world. Angry at my boss. Angry at my life. Angry at God for sending another dam storm our way.

I told my boss not to pay me last week as an act of kindness because there was no power even though he was bothering me and I was working at home. And I wasted gas going to the office one day last week. I thought this was a hint to leave me the hell alone because I want to leave the office and leave work there. This bringing work home with me is not helping my bipolar especially when I just want to relax and come home.

And I am angry because I do have bipolar and I went back to school and found a job and started working so I could come off disability. There are so many people that live off the system that dont suffer as much as we do and we kill ourselves to go out there and make a living. Why do we do this? Why do we bother?

I am just wondering, just to make myself feel better I guess if others feel that we are just being selfish with our problems when there are others out there that have it much worse than us. Others suffering, others being abused, others who are in more pain. Should we feel guilty for whining so much like I am?

[Larfu]

I do not feel bad for that reason. I know suffering is perceived differently, by different people. YOU might think shoveling dead antelopes into a wheelbarrow is horrible and causes you great suffering, but Steve over there has been doing it for 20 years and never complained. See what I'm saying? Everyone is so different, and we all experience things internally very differently. So there's no worth in comparing something that ONLY YOU can ever understand, to someone else, and their lot. Which only they themselves understand... see? Too complex a comparison to draw any relevant information. This is my emotionless computerized analysis. I highly recommend you disregard MY insane blathering if I cause offense.

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by Larfu

I do not feel bad for that reason. I know suffering is perceived differently, by different people. YOU might think shoveling dead antelopes into a wheelbarrow is horrible and causes you great suffering, but Steve over there has been doing it for 20 years and never complained. See what I'm saying? Everyone is so different, and we all experience things internally very differently. So there's no worth in comparing something that ONLY YOU can ever understand, to someone else, and their lot. Which only they themselves understand... see? Too complex a comparison to draw any relevant information. This is my emotionless computerized analysis. I highly recommend you disregard MY insane blathering if I cause offense.

Your insane blathering makes a lot of sense! I thank you for posting and I value anyones opinion that comes forward with one. But you ARE right. Someones anthill could be someone elses mountain? Is that the gist of what youre saying? I understand now. I just had to let it out, and let it go and send it out to the universe as that was what I was feeling at that moment. But I thank you for your response. Hugs

[Larfu]

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

Your insane blathering makes a lot of sense! I thank you for posting and I value anyones opinion that comes forward with one. But you ARE right. Someones anthill could be someone elses mountain? Is that the gist of what youre saying? I understand now. I just had to let it out, and let it go and send it out to the universe as that was what I was feeling at that moment. But I thank you for your response. Hugs

And thanks very very much for sharing. Don't get me wrong, I hear very clearly your feelings. And it's super great to shout them out for the internets to hear. I support these things. I would not hope to discourage them through my somewhat technical responses.

Keep sharing, and feeling. Because it is totally ok to do so. Hugs right back.

[faerie_moon_x]

I think in some cases it is relative. But in other cases it is not. For example you complain to waste gas to drive to work on one day when you shouldn't have. That's a valid complaint to me because gas = money and money = food / shelter / water to drink in our society. So using that gas money could potentially mean you are hungry instead.

But, for example, people who complain because their iPhone 5 is delayed because of a hurricane, then yes that is selfish. Or another thing I thought was selfish was the marathon runners who were calling up their hotels to make sure their rooms were still available, and then angry to discover they would not be because the hotel was housing people who lost their home. That is selfish.

[sugahorse1]

I feel guilty when I see people suffering physically and automatically assume their suffering is 10 x worse than mine. I want to just shut up and say I'm ok

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by sugahorse1

I feel guilty when I see people suffering physically and automatically assume their suffering is 10 x worse than mine. I want to just shut up and say I'm ok

Me too. People in wheelchairs in particular. I do recognize that, say, fibromyalgia is terrible suffering, terrible, but I do not see it. It is invisible suffering. People in wheelchairs suffer visibly, and I do feel lucky to have two functional legs when I see them. And yes, I want to say I'm OK.

yes, i do, all the time.

especially when it comes to suicide

i mean, this is how i see it:

their's people out their, dying of cancer and other life threatening illnesses, and here i am at 25 years old- wanting to take my life

those people may not ever get a chance at living a long life... and i do- but i just don't want it.

more often than not i feel like i don't deserve anything

PlatinumHeart

A wonderful therapist once told me to not let the sufferings of others cause me to deny my own ... I think that was a good lesson for me ...

I was always so wrapped up in everybody elses pain and suffering that I didn't even recognize my own, nor the toll it was taking on my mind, body and soul ...

With that awareness, I am now able to be even more empathetic and compassionate to people and the pain and suffering life throws at us ...

To me, that is anything but selfish ...

,
Pfrog!

[Trippin2.0]

No I dont. A friend and I was discussing how the suffering of others always helps to put our own issues into perspective. She has a newborn, inpatient for treatment, for 2 weeks. She said, she felt hurt, helpless, angry and overwhelmed, UNTIL a new mom moved into the ward with her 2y.o son dxd with stage 4 cancer... My mom always told me that when you think how ****** your life is, remember that somewhere someone else is worse-off. She didnt mean my experience is invalid, but gave me some perspective.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

more often than not i feel like i don't deserve anything

that is a symptom of depression, I am afraid to say

[BlueInanna]

not guilty because that is inward damaging.

but compassion because that is heart opening, and wise perspective.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

yes, i do, all the time.

especially when it comes to suicide

i mean, this is how i see it:

their's people out their, dying of cancer and other life threatening illnesses, and here i am at 25 years old- wanting to take my life

those people may not ever get a chance at living a long life... and i do- but i just don't want it.

shattered don't double-punish yourself. you already have this bp thing, and sui thoughts got to find compassion for that girl lost in there.

[Anika.]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

yes, i do, all the time.

especially when it comes to suicide

i mean, this is how i see it:

their's people out their, dying of cancer and other life threatening illnesses, and here i am at 25 years old- wanting to take my life

those people may not ever get a chance at living a long life... and i do- but i just don't want it.

These two are hard to compare. There is a big difference between life ending by choice, or life being taken by force. You could be very suicidal, and if you fell ill and life was being threatened to be taken not by your choice, you might feel very different about that death, but does not change your feeling of taking it your self. It could change it, but doesn't have to.

Other people's lives and deaths don't really dictate what my time here should be nor the length. Would you feel guilty for living to 90 if the life expectancy is 83?

Not trying to tell you sui is ok, I believe that lies with the individual. But that you need not feel guilty, and like Blue said, to extend some compassion to your self.