[venusss]

Don't know where i am at emotionally.

I think my mind is reacting to the world, to my thesis and a job i am applying to (and stiff scared of it), dealing with my mom and our houses...

I fallen into some state where it's all unreal. Seeing things. Cats, dogs, people. And predator drones (that was a scary one).

Reality is becoming fragmented, like a bad broadcast. I get stuck on details. I lose track of time and space. It's not continuum to me anymore... I just skip and flip through it. Got lost in town where I lived for years (went there for a consultation of my thesis... which went well I think, but I was bit out there through it too... after I went for a walk... and all of sudden found myself by some factory...).

Not sure what it is........... all i know is I need to be present. Not flipping back and forth in time and all that.

Maybe life is trying to tell me something, but i cannot decipher now. Not sure if I will be able to do so... ever.

[iluvdukie1]

I am so sorry you are feeling this way right now, hopefully things will start to get better really soon!

[hamster-bamster]

Go to an orienteering meet and learn to navigate your way better!

[venusss]

But I am licenced tourguide! I can orient in new town with ****** map normally... so this is pretty... upsetting and strange. ANd it's town where I lived.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

But I am licenced tourguide! I can orient in new town with ****** map normally... so this is pretty... upsetting and strange. ANd it's town where I lived.

Then that is really strange and makes me think of a possible dissociation.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Then that is really strange and makes me think of a possible dissociation.

hmmm.... makes sense. this happened to me years back on manic trip to prague... i don't remember half of it (back then I blamed the fact I went through franz kafka train station (I took picture of the sign, that's how i know). It seemed fitting eh, and i didn't want to think too much of that).

gah, need to calm down. need to prepare 60th birthday party for my mom. read 400 pages report on kosovo. finish preferably thesis. talk to people in need.

gah. My LIFE triggers me.

[Confusedinomicon]

wishing you well and i hope your able to find a solution!

[hamster-bamster]

Venus, there has been a recent thread on dissociation and bipolar. Perhaps you will relate to some posts in it. I very rarely get it, but sometimes, I do. Once I put an incorrect social security number (the numeric identifier of all US residents which everyone knows by heart) on a job application. Moreover, when the paper was presented to me a year later, I could not recognize my handwriting AT ALL. The culprit? I was manic when I filled out the form.

[hamster-bamster]

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=237169 is the thread about dissociation and bp.

[venusss]

Thanks.

It is a bit concerning. It happened before, but it's rare. Plus the other things.

had weird dreams last night. in one i was killed and haunted my friends. Layed awake for long time recalling lyrical-epic-horror poems by one Czech author... couldn't take my mind of dead people rising and evil watersprites.

I think I need to get out... but at the moment.... not possible. Sight.

[BlueInanna]

I hope you are ok Venus, and that this whatever it is, passes soon. Might just be stress related. I hate the weird dreams that stay in my head.

[Anika.]

Sounds like stress to me too Venus. You sure got a heavy work load at the moment. Is there anyway you can slow it down a bit? Kind sounds like dissociation, I think it's pretty common amongst people with with mental quirks . It happens to me when I am very stressed and keep pushing myself. Or when I am just at the brink of overload. I don't think the brain can handle everything all the time, so when it's too much the messages start to get mixed up. That's my take on it.

I hope you are ok too.

[faerie_moon_x]

Hi Venus, I have had that problem before, too. I get lost in my town and I've lived here 32 years! It's really scary when it happens.

Along with seeing things and all, even if stressed induced maybe call your doctor if you have one. Or therapist at least. Or, if not that, does your school have counseling services you can look into?

[venusss]

THanks everybody.

Trying to take it easy. Hoping Bach essences (clemantis) will help somehow.

Along with seeing things and all, even if stressed induced maybe call your doctor if you have one. Or therapist at least. Or, if not that, does your school have counseling services you can look into?

no doctor, no therapist... and no, school doesn't offer counceling services (schools are mere tools of education here... and they don't care for you behind that).

just need to ride it out. try to put it in word. maybe try draw it out... or something. i dont know honestly, atm. It's hard to even write it down like this.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

THanks everybody.

Trying to take it easy. Hoping Bach essences (clemantis) will help somehow.



no doctor, no therapist... and no, school doesn't offer counceling services (schools are mere tools of education here... and they don't care for you behind that).

just need to ride it out. try to put it in word. maybe try draw it out... or something. i dont know honestly, atm. It's hard to even write it down like this.

I see, Venus. I understand what you mean that you really have no help with this.

I agree you should do some relaxing. Maybe meditating or yoga or tai chi will help.

[venusss]

Gah, i guess I figured out what might have triggered me.

All Saints' day coming up. And realizing lot of my family is... well, dead. Never liked this time of year.

I do feel lonely. Alone with my demons and ghosts... or whatever it is. Friends don't really get it. even if they did, it don't help anyways. People feel so... temporary. Unreal.

not sure where i stand today. working on thesis and trying sounds sane and academic. As if. It brings old ghosts back too... and I am just not able to deal with those right now. It's too much.

[faerie_moon_x]

It is hard to live with ghosts, I agree. I have a few myself.

Perhaps do something to honor your family that have passed and it will help you overcome for now. Maybe validating that it's okay to be sad and alone, and to do something positive for your memories will help you overcome it for now. Or relieve you a little bit, so that you can relax.

[venusss]

Thanks.

You are right.

I am just so unbelievably sad right now. For me, for everybody... and nothing makes sense.

[venusss]

okay.... my seeing predator drones couldn't have anything to do with foreseeing current mess in Israel right? (though tbh, one doesn't have to be a Nostradamus incarnation to foresee that).

but it just came to my mind. maybe i should stop obsessing about Yisrael. And the world.