Is it wrong that I kinda hope for end of the world?

cannot really put this into words.

I hate feeling interconnected with the world so intensenly at times. I hate that i get overinvolved. I hate feeling so much as I feel.

i neglect my own dreams and desires and needs and watch the world burn. how ****ed up is that?

So what are you avoiding about your real, present-day, intimate, immediate life that you choose to neglect it? Kind of sound like you have a hyperfocus on "the world" - something you have absolutely no control over - when in reality, our happiness, our hopes, our dreams are truly related to our immediate life which you really DO have some control over (but maybe you are feeling like you have no control, or you don't want to make the tough decisions in real life so you neglect yourself that way?) Just throwing ideas out there to stew on.

I guess it's result of being stuck in academia for too long.... way long. And tendency to obsess over things..... and the desperate need to have thing "right" (which for some reason includes "peace in middle east").

and yeah, my life is kinda boring right now, thesis and unsucessful job hunting (NGOs don't want me and big *** TNCs and other meaningless places make my skin crawl). So yeah, maybe I am avoiding. And maybe humanity sucks. Maybe I am just clashing between what I want and what is "realistic".

I choose to live in my immediate world. It isn't that I don't care about what goes on in the big, wide world, but honestly, there's not a darned thing I can do to impact the big, bad world on any large scale.

On the other hand, I absolutely CAN and DO have an impact on my immediate world, on my family, my 3 sons, my students, my church. These immediate people in my life need me and I need them. I can help them and they can help me. HERE I can garner some real change, and honestly, that is where the big changes come from in the long run. I don't think people realize the value of strong family, strong community, strong faith in creating and instilling the values we wish the whole world could see and live by.

what if I don't want to have family of my own... where to start then? (yes, part of it is "don't want to bring kids into this world").

maybe I am wrong in "we are so doomed" thinking. Sadly, lately I find it comforming to think that, not alarming.

Yeah... I do need to find my place. But it seems bit harder that I thought it would be.

I agree very much with Farmergirl on this.

I wouldn't say it is wrong per say, I don't want to judge it. I would say that being too cynical might give us selected perception of the world we live in. A partial sampling, which we can make seem as though that is all there is. I know you struggle with the bad in the world a lot. I struggle with this myself.

I remember you had a thread, and I replied that I think the world is actually getting better slowly. And yes maybe too slow for our liking. In my view I see the world coming together more collectively on a lot of issues. And to me it seems to pick up speed over the centuries, much like technology does in this century.

I don't think humanity sucks on the whole, yes we have some huge problems, I do think humanity is slowly becoming more aware, starting to question more "what are we doing" and seeking some truth. So what I see is the world slowly putting out fires.

The neglecting your own stuff bit, I think famergirl and you are on the right track with that. Also if you see the world as hopeless and burning, why would you want to bother, I think would would make the effort seem futile.

When you say clashing between what you want and reality. I think about contradictions, this came up yesterday in a different thread. But I think the way our human minds work, we want order, we are not so good with contradictions, even if our world is naturally full of contradiction.

I think we usually try to deal with contradiction by using one to cancel out the other. As if one is proof that the other is false, or that we must choose one. But it could also be that they both exist contrary to one another and define one another's existence. In that case we could also try to unify the two.

But we have a tendency to pick one or the other, or sometimes just not pick either at all, so we stagnate. I hope that make some sense.

Who says you have to have children to have family? Is all family merely because we have passed some DNA down?

Anika, I do agree with you that in a way the world is getting better (hey, slavery is no longer acceptable..... and many other things).

It's just I am lately a "bit" mad. Not sure where it stems from... but it is there.



see for me it's not "I wanna be 'normal'" kind of contradiction... it's rather... I can be myself and clash with the society (since most of my beliefs are bit "out there") or just try to go with the flow... but I hate the thought. Yes, it's silly to expect the world to change for me, but gaaaah...

Mmm I didnt have normal on the brain at all hehe. I had what you want to do with your life, the neglecting your desire and the clash of reality in mind. You could take the clash and create something out of it, and not go with the flow or neglect your desires.

But I am a bit afraid... I guess I been brought up to be a "good girl".

What the hell is "good" in this world anyways...

and gah... 28 is still young, right? I still can become a paid human rights activist or war correspondent, right?

YES!!!! I can't really think of a logical reason why you can't become one of those or a variation of either or both.

28 is young! Female life expectancy is coming pretty late now... so percentage wise of that .. yeah you are not even half way or near it. If you think about how long it seemed to get to 28, think about how long it will take to get to through the rest, if we are to be granted that.

Nevermind what the hell is good.. what the hell is a "good girl".. gasp!!

What exactly does that entail? Sounds scary....

It's ok to be afraid, and it's ok to do something with the fear. You could use it as a catapult. If you did at least it would become a benefit and maybe become something to let go of after.

I think you just have to put things in the perspective of things that you're able to change and things that you can't change and work from there.

Maybe you can't change the WHOLE world even if you see the many injustices, but you can work somewhere and change the lives of those you meet. It is hard because there are so many humans populating this Earth.

It seems you actually care a lot about humanity.

I apologize beforehand for rudeness, only read the OP,zero concentration span. Idk if it's wrong, I've been wanting it to end since forever, or however long its been that I've been aware that the world is a cruel place and that many people are dispicable. We (humans) pollute and destroy the Earth in the name of comfort, sell organs and children. Profit hugely from drug and arms, oppress and torture our own, cause extinction of species for fashion or potions. The world is better off ended.

Please no 'dont be cynical' replies to me, I've heard it all before. I know there is goodness, doesnt change how I feel,coz its based on reality. I see the good, I live the good, its just sad and dispicable what we have done,and continue to do. I have no delusions of changing the world, I only control me. The end of the world would mean peace for Mother Earth... I want her to have peace,humans are so twisted, #disgustedface#

Not the ones I hang around with. Sounds like you need a better crowd. (Just playin' with you a bit.) Seriously though, there are multitudes of wonderful human beings out there doing wonderful things. I refuse to let the "bad" in the world cloud my perceptions of the humanity I see every day in my everyday interactions. That would just be a miserable existence to me.

It doesnt make me miserable at all and my view is not clouded at all. Like I said, I see the good. I live the good. I refuse to focus on only the good, I believe in seeing ALL, and hyperfocussing on the good doesnt erase the s h i t we've done and continue to do. I just think that humans as a collective, we've proved we dont deserve what God has so kindly provided. It doesnt affect me personally, its just the 1 time I allow myself to be judgmental. And no, its not my place to judge, but I have.

Thanks Trippin'

I can objectivelly acknowledge the good of humanity... but being born to Eastern Bloc and seeing Europe on the brink (yes, I know in my own world, better then Gaza strip...)... we don't do optimist here. IN fact we say pessimist is just a well informed optimist. I don't think my world view has effect on how I view myself.

And yes, I know I sound old with my rants lately.


good girls like boring life. And never curse, even when it's appropriate (yes, sometimes F*** is the most fitting thing to say, no offense to clean mouths here. I go with what the dissidents had to say on this subject, not your proper suburban mothers ).

overwhelmed and unimaginably intoxicated.... randomly and permanently by the throbbing inhumanity of man-unkind!

as we stomp on this thing!...mechanical man mechanical madness!


hear the screams of this poor planet as the rulers of all things subsist on utterly EVERYTHING!...hear the screams through our own distorted vision tearing the face of this place!


...so?? .......what is the world?
it's in pain!


listening to our ********!!

is it us? or is it us in it....?

the world is fine without all of us....better that way God has been busy making something beautiful and then deliberately?? infecting it with a virus



it's a monster battle...



there is human horror lighting hateful fires all around



I want that to die...I hate this place because it's here at all
and I'm part of it I hate myself for that.

it's clear to me that something is very wrong with things ...it blows my mind!

and maybe thats the perfect plan....? destroy and rebuild reach enlightenment cos so far it's going seriously down

....will love beat the crap out of hate?...got no choice but to try!



the storm angel

...oops just lost it!...
gonna' need alot more than her!

I know exactly how you feel, Venus. But you can't afford to cause yourself stress in worrying about the deterioration of humanity. It will consume you. The most you can do is fix the life that immediately surrounds you. The one you spend this lifetime in & that you hold responsibility over.

“You will perform great works, though they not be known. By being the true self, all things come of their own momentum."

I think everyone has these feelings at one time or another. I know I do. I often think that it would be better for all to just wipe the slate clean and start all over and get back to the basics without all the BS that goes on in today's world. Since we can't, we just have to keep trying to make things better, I think. Of course, this advice is coming from someone who has been mentally sick for most of my life. But maybe that is a good thing. Gives me a fresh perspective.

Well said, Shayatanica.

When I get a car, I will get a cat trap and start doing trap-fix-release with feral cats. I have done it in the past. It is the best thing a human can do to help control the population of cats. That will be my contribution to the common good. Until then, all I am worried about is that my own three cats are well fed. I am not worried about feral colonies because I cannot contribute so why would I spend time in useless worry?

I guess I just tend to get grandiose.... even in "things that could go wrong ideas". "He don't love me" is for suckers. "He doesn't love me AND we all will die" is for existentialists gone wrong.

And destruction and bad things fascinate me... they scare me... but there's something alluring about them.

(oh well, back onto text about nukes).