Ahh the importance of sleep with bpd. I have been sleep deprived and got so hypo yesterday I was only able to sleep about 3.5 hours and had this dang song stuck in my head AND I was anxious over picking up my daughter from school...so freaked I would sleep thru it and she would be there, sad, crying, "where is my daddy?"
So now I have had some good REM sleep and paid the price by waking up freakin over EVERYTHING....not quite panic....and even as I type this I am ramping down a bit.
God in Heaven I HATE THIS!!!!!
I freak when I am on meds, I freak when I am off meds...just better off dead...but then I don't get to see my baby girl grow up.....so never mind, I will just deal with the freak.

[Moreta]

I feel better today. Was discharged from the hospital after being there since last thursday night. I'm looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Going to go out with my mom for dinner tonight. Gonna have a nice steak. Oh how hospital food sucks.

[Miang]

I'm tired today. I had a slightly better day yesterday so I dared to hope the depression might be thinking about breaking. Well, no. Instead I started hearing voices again last night and had the WORST nightmare of my natural life....had to sleep part of the night with the light on. Ugh....it's probably good I don't live close enough to any really high cliff.

[Warrioress]

I feel empty; like I've been switched off. I've been like this for a few weeks now. I haven't had any depressions or manias, but I haven't had anything else either. The stability is good I suppose but it does get boring after a while. Ah well.

Ahhh to be caught up on sleep is so sweet!
I hate posting all my whiny, sad, depressing drivel.
I am so so SO happy to have had some rest and feel like I am in contol again.
BPD2 can kiss my butt right now

[comicgeek007]

Oh crap. Caffiene headache from hell!

[Moreta]

I am sooooo tired. I didn't get to sleep until 4 am this morning. Too much on my mind I guess. I hope I can make it all day at work. I see the pnurse at my drs office on monday, so hopefully she'll give me something for sleep.

[Victoria'smom]

my grandma is still live but I just want to go home sleep in my own bed. I know that sounds selfish and I really don't have much time with her but my family is getting to me.it's the little comments about my weight and taking medication that bothers me. I'm already hallucinating and they want me of my medicine. Because a insurance they may get there wish my insurance won't pay for my medicine while I'm here. I really feel I need to be here for my mom, my nephew, and my grandma.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I got up this morning like normal, ate breakfast & then I went back to bed. Proceeded to sleep until noon. I haven't done that in years. I feel awful now.

[GripGetter]

Ugh.

Working up on wellbutrin ir. I am on week 3 total (1wk@75mg, 2wks@150). Doc is taking me up slow, to not pop me into mania. I have been on lamictal for a while after my last high.

Feeling ******, can't focus/care/work etc.

hoping that wellbutrin will kick in soon.

[Darth Bane]

it's been weeks and i cant sleep before 6 a.m.

bipolar,why dont you just kill me and be done with it ???

and i am not at all depressed, i am bit manic and don't give a damn about everything that is happening around me... i will get extremely mad at myself when i will be my normal self though...

[Cocosurviving]

Today was bitter sweet for me. The support group I attend, this was my last visit. I'll be moving out of state next week.

The last 24 -36 hours have been good.
The next 72 will no doubt bring on a slew of triggers and many freaked out posts.
Stay tuned!

[winkynjr]

Very down, depressed, suicidal, racing thoughts, you name it!!!!

[Moreta]

I'm tired again. Took some seroquel last night so I could sleep. Passed out around 9.

I'm also really nervous about my day program assessment this afternoon. I hope it goes well and they accept me. Idk what I'm going to do if they don't. I guess I could call the t I saw in March and see if we could do 2 weekly sessions or something, cause I'm still kind of a mess.

[SCchan]

aah-- that bubbly, happy, and playful part of me 'snapped' at a friend-- I hope it won't ruin our relationship... I hope he won't start saying things like I'm a weirdo or stuff.. I hope I won't be kicked out from those circles I need to be within for the sake of..the future me...

Silly thoughts, I suppose. Need to stop thinking like that, I guess..
Eh, nevermind me by the way- Also, apologize me for almost only posting about my 'down's.. =="

[Moreta]

I'm ok right now. A little nervous about starting the IOP program on Monday, but I'm sure it will be ok.

This whole bpd2 thing keeps me wondering, researching, reflecting, and assessing. I look back on my life and recall so many things I would do differently if only I had known what was causing me to feel and act the ways I did.
I think the single most destructive part of my experience with it is the way it has destroyed my finances.
I have NEVER been disciplined with money (well ok, ONE time for about 6 months I was AWESOME with money and scrimped, saved, payed off almost all my debt) and consequently I have nothing to show for it.
I mean that literally. It's not like I mean I "only" have a few grand saved up or a small run down house....I mean I have nothing. I do have my 401k and my retirement account....but that is it.
Maybe my reality is warped and lots of folks are like me...but I dont see that, at least not around here.
Oh well, time to stuff it all back down in the dungeon and shut the door...will have to deal with it more later. I have to get ready and go out on the "stage" that is the life I let others see.

[winkynjr]

guess I am in that downward spiral again because I cannot seem to snap out of it....very down, depressed and cant get rid of the suicidal thoughts

[Confusedinomicon]

Honestly, most people in the US carry large debts.

Hypo/mania may increase your willingness to spend, but most people don't know how to manage finances. Credit cards make it too easy to overspend. For instance its taken me about 2 months to pay off about 150-200 from my credit card. I don't understand effective budgeting. If it weren't for my parents I would have been 3-4k in debt (on top of school loans). When I started working I started becoming conscious of how hard it is to pay credit cards.

[Moreta]

I've been ok today. My husband went to the store and got a little charcoal grill, so we made some hamburgers. Then this afternoon, I took a nap, and what was supposed to be a 1 hr nap, turned into 2.5 hrs. Oh well. I hope the pnurse on tues will let me have my provigil back. I can't be taking naps every day.

[gary290]

Originally Posted by Moreta

I'm ok right now. A little nervous about starting the IOP program on Monday, but I'm sure it will be ok.

Good luck with the IOP.

[Nessa213]

I'm exceptionally tired today and have been pretty much all day. It was a long... very long... family filled weekend. Which has its own plusses and minuses.

[darthterrapin]

I'm climbing out of the manic stage today and discovering the crazy long things I've written over the past 48 hours. I also got a normal amount of sleep for the first time in a week as well.

I'm doing ok today did my excercises video. I'm pretty bored today and hope I stay on track with the exercising. Need to lose this weight I put on from my back injury then the seroquel.

Doing fine though.