[Marisoul1977]

First day back on Zoloft and Klonipin after 2 1/2 years. I just feel relieved to be back on a path to starting to feel better.... currently feeling "okay"

Feeling a lot of contradictory ways all at once.

[Faraway tree]

Feeling a bit flat after having a very happy Month or two

Was in a quiet zoned out daze all day...

I'm still alive and kicking. The only thing that I can guarantee, is things will change.

Originally Posted by gary290

Maybe this is as good a place as any to be really honest. I'm so tired of pretending to be okay or happy just so I don't bum anybody out. I've been so depressed lately. . .and irritable. I even drank 4 beers on Sunday to try to chill out. I'm eating too much and have problems sleeping. It seems very hopeless right now. I know it's not, but the feelings. . .The hypomania has been terrible. I'm trying to accept that I'm bipolar and this is how it is sometimes. But man this sucks. I feel like I'm JUST getting by. No joy!

Here is some encouragement (I hope);
I have been there Gary! OMG I just wanted to DIE because it just never seemed to stop. Depression, irritability, I ate too little THEN I ate too much, sleep patterns were all screwed up...and I was completely hopeless and just about given over to the idea life was just gonna suck.
The good news is that the severe periods of the cycling and the depression and hypomania are over. For me it lasted for several months and at times it seemed relentless!
I was a good boy and took my meds and met with my T and researched my little brain to death about my issues.
But now I think my mood swings are pretty much leveled out, or dare I say....gasp....normal.
When it was really bad I listened to my favorite music for hours on end because it was the ONLY thing that seemed to help.
Hang in there dude....you can weather this storm and come out on the other side grinnin!

[Darth Bane]

you can weather this storm and come out on the other side grinnin!

but sometimes there is not enough energy left to fight... today i was too tired to argue with someone, even if i was 200% right. sometimes i just don't want to care... whenever i feel depressed my self esteem is at lowest, but i hide it successfully most of the times. but today i couldn't... sometimes i just don't feel confident.....

[gary290]

Thanks for the encouragement SpiritOfAStorm. It helps to know that I'm not alone.

[roads]

how my bipolar II feels sometimes ...

[~Christina]

Roadie ... Perfect as always

I'm in a half-way bad hypo thing that really wasn't supposed to come now, since I'm back on meds and have remembered them lately AND even started up on another med again, Lamictal, which is supposed to stabilize the mood but what the hell, there's no stability here. I don't think there ever will be. I need to write or move and dog is stressing me out so badly. I just took her for a walk, and it wasn't half bad, but I'm already dreading the next walk and I feel sick and need to eat. Why does this always happen? What's so bad about having the tiniest bit of very manageable responsibility? Why can't I handle diddlysquat? I was never a weak person who couldn't handle stress until recently. And I'm really not weak, or lazy, or misanthropic (only when depressed or too hypo), so why can't I just stop acting like I am just that? I'm obsessing with heaven and hell, like I always do, getting atheist religious confused ******** wack. What the hell? Since when did an eternity in hell start frightening me? I'm better than this. Come on! /slap self



Trying to eat some yogurt feeling like I'm about to puke.

**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

I took the day off today and slept all night last night (I work mid-8am) and woke up a bit down, the tapes in my head playing over and over...but I pulled my backside out of bed, started cleaning my apartment, and went to 7 eleven for a cuppa joe.
Now I am nicely caffienated and ready to rule the day!
I hope it stays like this!!

OK I wrote a dumb rhyme and since I ought to have more social inhibition I'll post it here.

Earth is our division of this galactin prison. Here we rot, it's getting ---ing hot, we're running out of time and hell we can't even properly align and get our --- together so we can fix this weather.

[roads]

((((((( Mandrec )))))))
I'm so so sorry you're living in this hell with the drugs, depression, and hypomania. Is the diagnosis absolutely dead-on for sure???
If you're bipolar, some of these meds ought to be helping a little, at least. I'd weld myself at the hip to my pdoc till things got better. That's your pdoc's job--to find the best drug cocktail for you.
It took a year and a half, but mine did it. That was out agreement when we started out, and he fulfilled it. Not that we didn't yell and fight a lot inbetween.
Do it. Get better.
Roadie

[Darth Bane]

Originally Posted by Mandrec

OK I wrote a dumb rhyme and since I ought to have more social inhibition I'll post it here.

Earth is our division of this galactin prison. Here we rot, it's getting ---ing hot, we're running out of time and hell we can't even properly align and get our --- together so we can fix this weather.

Here we rot,
it's getting ---ing hot,

we're running out of time
and hell we can't even properly align

and get our --- together
so we can fix this weather.

it rhymes beautifully Mandrec

Originally Posted by Roadie

((((((( Mandrec )))))))
I'm so so sorry you're living in this hell with the drugs, depression, and hypomania. Is the diagnosis absolutely dead-on for sure???
If you're bipolar, some of these meds ought to be helping a little, at least. I'd weld myself at the hip to my pdoc till things got better. That's your pdoc's job--to find the best drug cocktail for you.
It took a year and a half, but mine did it. That was out agreement when we started out, and he fulfilled it. Not that we didn't yell and fight a lot inbetween.
Do it. Get better.
Roadie

They do help, or at least I know the Zyprexa helps quite a lot. But I don't want to be on a higher dosage on that because it has some bad side effects. And I'm only on 25 mg lamictal now, supposed to go up to 200 mg, so I'm not sure if I should be noticing anything yet? I was hoping things would change quickly but instead I'm more (bad) hypo now.

I can't imagine the diagnosis being wrong, because it fits perfectly and there aren't any alternative possible diagnoses that I can think of. They thought I had many BPD traits, but those are all far gone now that I'm less depressed. I think I never had them. Also my moods always come out of the blue or when I've been under way too much stress. Don't have a pdoc now, sadly. The last one was the one who finally gave me the diagnosis. I'm trying to get a new pdoc. Thank you for the hug!

[bumble2u]

Ok feel very nervous I've not done this before.
I'm not sure how to start a new topic yet, feeling technically inept.
I could use some suggestions.
Symptoms at the moment distracted all the time , can't stop pacing . I was feeling great I have so many good ideas at the moment. Drinking although I had a period of a years abstinence, smoking a lot of pot, driving with my seat belt off, feeling like nothing can stop me and getting a rush from driving fast. Not tired except when I take my Seroquel then feel flattened out , have missed a few doses because I didn't want to be tired. Loud and very easy to anger. My psych told me I was hypomanic last week but it feels like things are getting ....I don't know.
I have so much stuff that needs to be shared but I can't as I know people are stealing my ideas. I have heard people in my driveway talking about this which makes me a little afraid so I've hidden all my stuff. I have felt this euphoria before, now I can't go outside because the sunlight is so amazing it is ripping out the air from my lungs, the greens are too much. I am having music in my head all the time. I guess what I am asking is do you think I should let my psych know I'm having this? Do you think it's better just to tough it out. It will go away right? I am taking my Lithium but I am fairly new on it. I know I should stop my bad behavior but I feel compelled. I know I am about to uncover life's great secrets especially how the visual world connects into other realms. Things we speak little of. I'm thinking I should just hang on until I can gather and present my information . I can't explain I am feeling uncomfortable in my own self and am feeling nervous and intimidated by those who wish to steal my ideas and keep whispering about me. I don't know anyone I can share this with so I'm risking it here.

[Nessa213]

Fridays suck. But not as much as Tuesdays.

And I have a headache. Again.

/random

Ooo! Top of a new page! I take great pleasure in this.

[~Christina]

Awesome Thread ....Page 120 .. Time to celebrate

[kala83]

have not checked in for a while feel kind of bad for that... sorry for the most part things are much. much better having a lot more lows then highs as of lately and its effecting my eating and sleeping schedule a lot.

but emotionally for the last few days have just felt for the most part numb...and i am slowly starting to edge out of that. So I am grateful for all that.

Hi, and welcome, bumble2u (To start a thread, just go to the main BP page, and just above where it says "Threads in Forum: Bipolar", you will see "New Topic". Click on that, et voilá!)

Very mixed feelings still. Morning started out rough. Head was filled with "issues thoughts", spinning 'round and 'round. ("Shut up! I want to sleep!) With not so much time to think later being busy, it was better. It's hard to rate actual mood.

[redbandit]

Originally Posted by Darth Bane

bit hypomanic today... plus it was raining... and i love maroon 5

I love Maroon 5 too!
I am feeling hypomanic, cant sleep and am super hyper, cant sit still or move fast enough. I never seem to have the "in-between" mood anymore, its either extreme depression or hypomania had to reschedule my therapy appt because i was sick and didnt sleep all nite. Guess being sick didnt help my sleeping.

[redbandit]

Originally Posted by bumble2u

Ok feel very nervous I've not done this before.
I'm not sure how to start a new topic yet, feeling technically inept.
I could use some suggestions.
Symptoms at the moment distracted all the time , can't stop pacing . I was feeling great I have so many good ideas at the moment. Drinking although I had a period of a years abstinence, smoking a lot of pot, driving with my seat belt off, feeling like nothing can stop me and getting a rush from driving fast. Not tired except when I take my Seroquel then feel flattened out , have missed a few doses because I didn't want to be tired. Loud and very easy to anger. My psych told me I was hypomanic last week but it feels like things are getting ....I don't know.
I have so much stuff that needs to be shared but I can't as I know people are stealing my ideas. I have heard people in my driveway talking about this which makes me a little afraid so I've hidden all my stuff. I have felt this euphoria before, now I can't go outside because the sunlight is so amazing it is ripping out the air from my lungs, the greens are too much. I am having music in my head all the time. I guess what I am asking is do you think I should let my psych know I'm having this? Do you think it's better just to tough it out. It will go away right? I am taking my Lithium but I am fairly new on it. I know I should stop my bad behavior but I feel compelled. I know I am about to uncover life's great secrets especially how the visual world connects into other realms. Things we speak little of. I'm thinking I should just hang on until I can gather and present my information . I can't explain I am feeling uncomfortable in my own self and am feeling nervous and intimidated by those who wish to steal my ideas and keep whispering about me. I don't know anyone I can share this with so I'm risking it here.

you should def call ur dr! Esp if ur new to a med, like Lithium, you might be having side effects. Don't ignore it. Hope you feel better soon!

[Faraway tree]

Originally Posted by bumble2u

Ok feel very nervous I've not done this before.
I'm not sure how to start a new topic yet, feeling technically inept.
I could use some suggestions.
Symptoms at the moment distracted all the time , can't stop pacing . I was feeling great I have so many good ideas at the moment. Drinking although I had a period of a years abstinence, smoking a lot of pot, driving with my seat belt off, feeling like nothing can stop me and getting a rush from driving fast. Not tired except when I take my Seroquel then feel flattened out , have missed a few doses because I didn't want to be tired. Loud and very easy to anger. My psych told me I was hypomanic last week but it feels like things are getting ....I don't know.
I have so much stuff that needs to be shared but I can't as I know people are stealing my ideas. I have heard people in my driveway talking about this which makes me a little afraid so I've hidden all my stuff. I have felt this euphoria before, now I can't go outside because the sunlight is so amazing it is ripping out the air from my lungs, the greens are too much. I am having music in my head all the time. I guess what I am asking is do you think I should let my psych know I'm having this? Do you think it's better just to tough it out. It will go away right? I am taking my Lithium but I am fairly new on it. I know I should stop my bad behavior but I feel compelled. I know I am about to uncover life's great secrets especially how the visual world connects into other realms. Things we speak little of. I'm thinking I should just hang on until I can gather and present my information . I can't explain I am feeling uncomfortable in my own self and am feeling nervous and intimidated by those who wish to steal my ideas and keep whispering about me. I don't know anyone I can share this with so I'm risking it here.

Heya,

Sounds like your on a bit of a roller coaster at the mo . In my opinion it Might be worth giving your doc a call, especially if you are feeling freaked out.

In my experience when I left things to their own devices they got worse over time... I wish now I'd nipped things in the bud early on.

I hope you feel better soon!

[Moreta]

I'm having a good day so far. This new t I have is really helping. I feel really comfortable with her and have been telling her everything. I guess it all finally had to come out.

I've been feeling paranoid though about stupid things. Like someone's going to do a drive by while I'm outside smoking, or I'm going to get hit by a car on the way to the mailbox. Just weird things that will never happen. So I have to work on that somehow.

[BipolarBabe81599]

Drinking alcohol and smoking pot can affect your moods, making you manic, which it sounds like you are.I would stop drinking and stop smoking pot and talk to your doctor and therapist about everything, I would talk to your doctor ASAP. Also, mention the pot and alcohol. Also tell your doctor about what is going on with the Lithium. it can have side effects. Best wishes to you.

Originally Posted by Moreta

I'm having a good day so far. This new t I have is really helping. I feel really comfortable with her and have been telling her everything. I guess it all finally had to come out.

I've been feeling paranoid though about stupid things. Like someone's going to do a drive by while I'm outside smoking, or I'm going to get hit by a car on the way to the mailbox. Just weird things that will never happen. So I have to work on that somehow.