well, i was on a sort of high (not out of control, just feeling pretty good)

anyway that was until saturday when it dawned on me.. that the last time something happened in my life of any value was 2 years ago- and that's very hard to take in

Been working like crazy all week...friday was the only day I didn't work and that was because my ex went crazy for a day and shut me back out of her life again.
So I took the day for me and made some revalations and decisions.
I was very depressed and kinda weepy all day on Friday, no mania at all.

[TippPatt]

Let me explain the 'pain' up there. It's physical, not psychological --- thank GOD.

I forced myself - oh yeah, FORCED myself - out of the house two days ago to take care of a couple of gardening things that needed to be done. Stuff like dead leaves being picked up, trimming dead heads, putting holes in a few pots that were retaining water, LOL - declumping the dog remains, if you get my drift - LOL, and adding soil where soil was needed.

If you've been reading, you know I've been hoping for a manic phase. Since none was coming on, and I was accomplishing Jack Diddly, I decided to make one. YaY it worked. So, today I have to replant four plants and I'm done de de done done with the gardening crap I've looked at and ignored. I'm sore as hell after having sat on my fat butt for quite some time, but all in all, I'm mentally feeling great.

To me, that's a plussssssssssss.

And, on the other side, my sister is in town. CAN YOU SAY TRIGGER? I knew that you could. Pins and Needles over here but I'm so far ignoring it all successfully. Whew.

[wing]

Had a great day, out of the house all day with my newlywed daughter. Getting out chases depression away for me.

I am exhausted and that of course isn't helping the swings.
Just since I woke up for work at 10pm I have been afraid, freaked out, sad, angry, overwhelmed, ready to jump out the window (figuratively) and now I seem to be swinging around to a slight bit of happiness.
This being exhausted stuff is exhausting.

feeling pretty happy today.

my mom's friend (who makes awsome chicken) is coming down this evening and staying with us a whole week so that would be nice!

[avlady]

I am overly anxious about who knows what lately? I am manic right now, seeing my doc and T today to see if the meds can be changed or upped.Pray for me!!

[Darth Bane]

these stress triggers are horrible, i am not moving as fast as i wish but i am definately getting my mind back... i am happy but very very stressed at same time. but happy because it could have been worse,lot worse...

[comicgeek007]

Feel fine today. I guess I'm finally between episodes. I hope it lasts.

[Moreta]

My pain level is a 9 today. OMG it f'ing sucks. I haven't hurt this bad in a while. It's not even my lower back that's hurting, it's all the muscles on my back from my bra down. I keeps having spasms, and it's just throbbing. I'm trying hard to work and not just break down at my desk and cry. I have so much to do, so it's not like i could go home. I'm so stressed out about work too. I keep getting interrupted and then I forget what i was doing.

I have an appt at 8 am tomorrow with my back dr, b/c I told them it was an emergency, and that I needed to be seen soon. They wanted to give me an appt on the 27th and I almost screamed at the receptionist. I really hope he gives me a better muscle relaxer. I take skelaxin now, so I hope there is something stronger.

blah.

[emgreen]

I've been feeling very well the past month or so after about six months of major depression...which was preceded by a major manic episode during which I was involuntarily hospitalized (having too much fun, I guess ). It's pretty cool feeling stable for the first time in quite some time.

It's all good these days. I seem to be pretty much level most of the time, it's only when I am very very tired that I start cycling and the ups and downs start again.

[gary290]

I notice that I'm experiencing the emotion of anger. I am not the anger. It's just there. . .no big deal.

So that's what I'm telling myself. Using ACT techniques. Detachment. Defusion.

[comicgeek007]

Not depressed, just stressed about new dx. Don't want to eat but it's hard not to.

i've been feeling rather high today.... everyone i've spoken too has seen that i have a lot to say to myself

[TippPatt]

So, good afternoon. I started slow again and right now - here's my feelings

Joe Cocker - Hymn For My Soul (LIVE) HD - YouTube

[Darth Bane]

5 mood swings today from low to high angain low and so on... but still better the lows and highs are not that down or up like before... more like hypomania and mild depression...

[bipolarOne79]

Mainly dealt with depression today but today was a better day than yesterday!

[treehugger727]

I managed to keep it together at work and at my business lunch today but tonight is like a train wreck and I sort of want to tell everyone, including my family to piss off and leave me alone. My irritation and anxiety is out of griffin control today. I don't feel like me.

The suicidal voice in my head is very loud today. And I'm not even very depressed, I'm just ruminating over all these reasons I have come up with to kill myself. I told myself before I got out of bed today that I wasn't going to let some depraved imp trick me into attempting, because that's what it feels like. My reasons today are so silly they could make you laugh, but my mind is twisting them into something awful. All in all though I'm doing better today than I've done recently.

Right now my head hurts so bad that I dont know if I am coming or going. Sleep is irratic right now so I can feel the swings from highs to lows but somehow I am managing to keep it all in check.

[bipolarLady7]

I have a day of rain ahead of me. So the bad news is that it's raining too hard for me to take my schoolchildren to school (I'm a new driver), and I can't go for a walk with my toddlers, and there's no sunshine. The good news is I'm not in any pain, am fairly stable, we have plenty of food, I have a few CDs I could play with the stereo my mother-in-law gave me for Christmas if the weather starts to get to me, the power is still on, I have an alternate ride to school I'm about to call, and my toddlers and I will make do with books (and with toys).

[wing]

we have a rainy day here too, but i'm enjoying how vibrant my garden looks. the sound of rain is so soothing. must get motivated to do indoor chores today!

feeling low, still residual wedding stress.

[bipolarLady7]

Yay for indoor chores, wingin'it! When I get on a roll I love cleaning. (Especially when I want to and it just happens, and it's not something I have to do like when my children keep making messes all over.)

[Moreta]

I feel drained. I went to a new therapist today and we were going over my history, and I told her EVERYTHING. I usually don't share everything. Which is probably why therapy hasn't worked in the past. She gave me homework, so I have until next Thurs to read it. I also have to figure out my anger triggers. I get angry a lot, so there's probably a lot of triggers.

My back slightly hurts today. My dr gave me zanaflex yesterday, and it seems to help. So well see how that goes.