misunderstood, not understanding

i don't get it. I don't really feel that i fit in here sometimes. I have episodes and I cycle, but what happens to me is not the same as what's obviously happening to others on here. I'm confused.

Well Danny boy everyone's different and our battles are all very different. That's all it's the same just different.

I think this sometimes too. I am not a rapid cycler. I have "only" had two episodes this year- one mixed in the spring that nearly resulted in me taking my life and lasted a month, and one hypomanic episode that slid into a severe depressed episode this fall that has been going on for three months and we're still trying to figure out my meds. I n between I have normal good and bad days, but I can't call everything a bipolar episode. I can't fully relate to those that are always in some state, but I try to sympathize. There are a lot of threads I just can't post on- not because I don't care- but because I truly don't understand or know what to say. I don't seem to be at the end of the bipolar spectrum that many of the folks who post here are. But that's okay. I still think I can learn a thing or two and hopefully contribute every once in a while.

Im sorry you are feeling like you don't fit in, (I think you do!) but I do enjoy reading your posts. ++

Hey Dan,

I imagine everyone here has felt at times " like I don't fit in here." I know I have.

My mania starts off with a day maybe two that I feel "elevated" then it turns right into an ugly mess of self loathing, self harm
My depressions are combination of self harm and the inability to move or think.

I rapid cycle A LOT. So I often have a few days here and there between the swings that I feel "ok" for lack of a better word. Not great Not bad..

The best advice my T ever gave me was " Don't stress over what your next swing might be" It's taken me a while but I have forced myself to calm down and not stress about it. Yeah I have had some freak out days !! But it's a lot less.

Dan, you fit in here, even on the days you don't think so

I totally feel that way, right now even. And you got me thinking with episodes vs. emotions vs. mood shift. Wtf is really an episode?
What if I'm some kind of fraud and some other type of crazy and don't have bp? Sometimes others' issues here are so much worse than mine, and sometimes I think I'm worse off than others.

I've had some intense mood swings lately, is that just me, my personality, my highly sensitive nature?

Just got back from pdoc, and according to her - yes i still have bp, but I seem to have it managed atm. Maybe this board is just big, and maybe bp is just big with a wide range of experiences. Someone last week mentioned a greater interest in celebrities when they have bp. I'm not that way. There is too much more to people than their bp. Bp will have nothing to do with whether i like or dislike someone.

Anyway, whether we belong here or not, is for us to decide in the moment. I take a break sometimes. I think you do too. My pdoc seems to think my participation in an online bp support group is a form of psychotherapy. So if that's true, maybe it's not always going to be easy or comfortable. idk..

I'm more likely borderline but keep coming back because I feel closer to this forum in general.



A lot of people come on here to talk about other things not pertaining to their illness. It's a group of supportive people, that is all.

The more I learn about BP the more I realize that what is 'common' is rather uncommon and what is considered 'atypical' still occurs to a lot of people.