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  #1  
Old Dec 26, 2012, 05:03 PM
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faerie_moon_x faerie_moon_x is offline
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So much to do and not enough time or money and nothing comes fast enough. Just want it all to be done. And can't think much but nowhere to get more thoughts right now. Or maybe too many thoughts already. Making a lot of pretend facebook friends. Just all me but friends with myself, which is how it goes. But it makes me sad. Those people who are on my list are not friends even though they are family they ignore me.

And I want to talk about it but every time I talk I can't think the right words. I deleted 100 posts probably. Feel like there must be a world where I can be friends too, but then even if I find friends I worry about it. And I am like a star shape trying to fit in the circle. I fit in the circle, but don't fill it in right. And everyone can see the star shape doesn't go in the circle.

And I hear them laughing and laughing and it just makes me want to pull my hair out. Because it's either fake laughing or all the time with me is the fake part. Or maybe not fake, but unwanted or not as good as hoped to be. Just a big disappointment, so annoyed to me and happy to others. I want to be the happy to one. Not the diappointment. I always am the diappointment. Want to be the not disappointment for once.

sorry, it's been a not good day today.
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  #2  
Old Dec 26, 2012, 08:47 PM
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BlueInanna BlueInanna is offline
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(((DH))) fb is annoying. I removed quite a few people yesterday.
Thanks for this!
faerie_moon_x
  #3  
Old Dec 26, 2012, 10:52 PM
Anonymous45023
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dark_heart_x View Post
... I want to be the happy to one. Not the diappointment. I always am the diappointment. Want to be the not disappointment for once...
Well, happy to you! You're most definitely NOT a disappointment around here!

(FB and anyone who thinks that of you can bite me!)
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faerie_moon_x
  #4  
Old Dec 26, 2012, 11:28 PM
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Trippin2.0 Trippin2.0 is offline
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I've never thought of you as any kind of dissapointing sis I'm thinking of you, even tho I wont be able to post again until after work. Love you lots ((((((DHX))))))
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faerie_moon_x
  #5  
Old Dec 27, 2012, 08:47 PM
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wildchild r wildchild r is offline
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Location: between here and the spirit world!
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"I want to be the happy to one. Not the diappointment. I always am the diappointment. Want to be the not disappointment for once. "
Dark Heart X, you have been very helpful to me, and very kind,I respect that.
Ive read the things you write and you are smart and articulate as well.
I have family who ignore me too, just as well Id cuss them out in a nasty way, then feel horribly ugly for it..I dont play well with others who pi** me off.
I want to be the happy one and not a dissapointment too, but all I can be is me..Will WE ever get comfortable in our own skins?? I dunno.but heres ya a hug,and aviking, I just like the little fella, thought he might make ya smile!!
  #6  
Old Dec 27, 2012, 10:34 PM
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thickntired thickntired is offline
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I would limit my time on FB. It blows
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  #7  
Old Dec 27, 2012, 10:56 PM
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Anika. Anika. is offline
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No not here, not any of that here at all Dark. Maybe you ae not quite that to the others either, of not all all to some of them and I bet that is true. Part might be your perception, I know not everyone behaves nicely out there, some of the time tho it has very little do with us, and very much to do with them. But we feel the experience despite that.

But you are not a dissapointment to me at all, never have been, never will be. Quite the opposite.
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faerie_moon_x
  #8  
Old Dec 28, 2012, 11:07 AM
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BlueInanna BlueInanna is offline
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How are you doing today?
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faerie_moon_x
  #9  
Old Dec 28, 2012, 12:09 PM
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faerie_moon_x faerie_moon_x is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2011
Location: I live in my head. :P
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I am depressed.

I am coming to realize that I will never live up to standards in the world... I will never prove myself as good, due to my past things. Things which should have been forgiven by now.... and I'm depressed. And I know maybe it's not my issue, but, I would like to be forgiven at least.... but, I know I can't control that.

And I feel that it's all my karma from what I did. At the same time, my mother-in-law said that with karma once you've learned it should stop. And I feel I have learned, but it isn't stopping, so I think that maybe that's not true, and it is actually the 10x10 rule.... I don't know...
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  #10  
Old Dec 28, 2012, 02:18 PM
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BlackPup BlackPup is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2010
Location: Australia
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Sorry that you are feeling down. Everything seems so much worse when you are depressed. Don't believe the lies your brain tells you. You are ok, everyone makes mistakes so don't beat yourself up over the past. You are very kind and careing of others in your posts.

Hope your depression lifts really soon.
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  #11  
Old Dec 28, 2012, 02:29 PM
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faerie_moon_x faerie_moon_x is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2011
Location: I live in my head. :P
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No, not a lie.Told by the person that even after 8 years, I have 0 forgiveness... and I don't know how to earn it. I've worked very hard for it. So, I know this isn't something I can cause. It's up to them to decide. But it depresses me to think that I have earned 0 after 8 years.
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  #12  
Old Dec 28, 2012, 03:51 PM
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BlackPup BlackPup is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dark_heart_x View Post
No, not a lie.Told by the person that even after 8 years, I have 0 forgiveness... and I don't know how to earn it. I've worked very hard for it. So, I know this isn't something I can cause. It's up to them to decide. But it depresses me to think that I have earned 0 after 8 years.
You have to forgive yourself. What they think is up to them and is their problem and issue. The problem is with them not you.
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