[BlueInanna]

My bp son is suicidal again. He gets mad when I leave the house, he hates me when I'm here. He is having fantasies of injecting heroin, won't tell me how many times he's done it. He won't go to his therapist who he loves, $150 I still have to pay today she doesn't take insurance.

He will die if he does heroin, so yea I'm in a trap of impending doom, catastrophic thinking, how could I not be? Going out of town for work was such a relief to be away from the kids and this house.

I wonder if I would just split town if they had a father. I feel guilty thinking that but shouldn't it be someone else's turn now, like the man who created their lives with me. I can't go through another 5150 and hospitalization with him. I'm weak I'm tired.

I don't know how I've even made it through the past 6 years of this hell.

[BlueInanna]

I will make him a ward of the state, quit my job, sell my car, buy a small car, and go live in a commune with my 11 year old. I don't belong part of this joke of American society

[BlueInanna]

Just quit job at least that part is done

I'm right there with ya blue! let's get the hell outta here!

Sorry Blue
I cannot imagine how hard it must be to handle everything on your own, like you have.

[Clinte89]

I'm sorry your having such a rough go of it with your son. Maybe another hospital stay is needed in this situation get him in rehab something to turn his life around.

your feeling a lot of anger I bet. it's there for a reason. use that to get by. that's what I do when I am trapped.

[faerie_moon_x]

Did you just quit your job?

I know it's hard but, I agree that maybe it is someone else's turn now. You have done everything, given him everything, and he is refusing to turn it around and then attacks you for it.... Maybe making him a ward of the state is not so bad. He will be 18 soon, won't he?

Taking your 11 year old to a safe place might be the best thing for both of you.

I don't know, maybe your older son just needs to see if he sinks or swims without mom there to hold him up by the belt loops. I think he takes you for granted, personally. He knows you'll be there to catch him. But what if you're not? If he kills you, then you'll never be there. Maybe if he falls on his face and you don't catch him, and make him responsible for himself, he'll surprise you.... and maybe someday you'll have your son????

I don't know, it's all so hard. I just want you to be safe, and your little one.

[spoiltmom]

I think he may benefit from another hospitalization and at least it will keep him safe and you give a break even if only for a few days.

Very smart move, in my view. That may be the start of something really nice in your life for a change.

I wish you much happiness with your thirteen year old and life where you feel comfortable and out of the range of severe mental illness.

Good luck.

[Victoria'smom]

The best bet at this point may be state care. You've exhausted all you resources and then some. Another option maybe having his therapist come to you're home. If you can go through another 51/50 you can find more support in a step down program.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

The best bet at this point may be state care. You've exhausted all you resources and then some. Another option maybe having his therapist come to you're home. If you can go through another 51/50 you can find more support in a step down program.

I think a home visit is a good idea as it would expose the T to the reality of the situation.

[~Christina]

Oh Blue I can't find the words right now.. But know I'm here and sending good thoughts you way

[Trippin2.0]

I agree that maiking him a ward of the state is your best option now, you've exhausted all others to no avail.

I know it's anything but easy, but it's time for junior to sink or swim, instead of drowning the rest of the family....

I love you Blue, and you know I admire you to no end, the things you've done for your family, the lengths you've gone to for your son's protection, but it's time to shift priorities, he doesn't want the help, and the rest of you want AND need safety.

You are all in my thoughts and prayers

From seeing all of your tribulations with your children & yourself posted these past few months? I have faith that you're a great mother & are making the correct decision for your family. I genuinely hope that this will eventually bring you all to a much better place.

[hamster-bamster]

I know a mother in SF whose son did not sink. He has a job and a steady gf now and lives in some subsidized housing for mi people - SF is good with that type of assistance. But she had to go through surrendering him, for she was unable to deal with him and her younger daughter did not deserve to be in that kind of environment.

In her case, the father of the children committed suicide many years ago so the genetic history is not very positive, but the son was able to stabilize himself on his own with assistance from the state.