[OutlawedSpirit]

I hope everyone has had a good holiday and new years. Mine has been bittersweet.

I finally reconnected with my dad after almost five years of not talking to him, and I think me and my stepdad are on our way to a better relationship. I hope I can keep both relationships going, and not let them fall apart again.

Got to go to Arizona over Christmas, which was nice. Definitely warmer there than it is here. Of course, being down there is where things started to nose dive.

Got a call from my great uncle, saying he thinks he has a week or so left to live. This wasn't completely unexpected since he has been battling cancer for over a year now. But it is one thing to anticipate it, and another to actually hear it.

New years eve we flew back home and I got one of the worst panic attacks I've ever had on the plane. I couldn't get the idea that the plane was going to crash out of my head until after it was already back on the ground.

New years day my aunt was taken to the hospital and put in the ICU with liver failure. Just to prove that cancer sucks even when it's gone, she wasn't a candidate for a transplant because of the medications she had to take because of the cancer. By Thursday morning, she passed away.

As if things couldn't get any worse, I have to come up with the money to take my puppy to a specialist because he has a murmur in both sides of his heart. The vet said he probably will need to be on medication for the rest of his life, which could be a normal span, or less than a year, depending on what kind of murmur. We also are starting to think he is deaf, so the vet told us what to do to try and check it and so far he has failed the tests, so he just was dealt a really crappy hand.

Sorry this was so long, I just am so overwhelmed and emotionally at my limit. Every time the phone rings, I am afraid to answer it, in case it is more bad news. Especially since I am still waiting to hear the final determination from my short term disability through work, to know if I still have a job or not. I'm sure that since we are still tweeking my meds, it doesn't help either. I don't know what to do, does anyone else?

[BlackPup]

Sounds like a really rough time

Hope things really improve. Take things one at a time, moment by moment and you will be able to get through all this.

[OutlawedSpirit]

My T told me that I need to try to stop myself when I start obsessing over things, especially things like my disability stuff that I have no control over, but I am a worrier by nature, so I think this is going to be difficult. I can see myself obsessing over not obsessing over stuff.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by OutlawedSpirit

My T told me that I need to try to stop myself when I start obsessing over things, especially things like my disability stuff that I have no control over, but I am a worrier by nature, so I think this is going to be difficult. I can see myself obsessing over not obsessing over stuff.

Hi---I've been told the same by my T too. I'm trying and just had my pdoc give me a med to help. I pray and try to stay busy it helps.

[Clinte89]

Well I can say that's a lot to deal with, I know you'll make it through though. I can understand not answering the phone for bad news may be on the other end. However, try and stay positive.

[kitty004567]

It sounds like you're having a tough time, I hope things get better.

As for the puppy who might be deaf: wait until it's asleep: clap your hands, drop a full bottle of pills, shake a bottle of pills (ok so I had pills around when I was figuring out if mine was deaf), ring the doorbell, knock on a door, blow a whistle. If the puppy doesn't wake up or startle to any of it, it's probably deaf. You do want to make sure that whatever you're doing doesn't disrupt much else. Mine is deaf and occasionally will react to someone clapping loudly. I went and checked out a children's sign language book from the library and used that to teach her ASL which wasn't nearly as hard to teach her as I thought. Good luck!

[OutlawedSpirit]

Originally Posted by kitty004567

It sounds like you're having a tough time, I hope things get better.

As for the puppy who might be deaf: wait until it's asleep: clap your hands, drop a full bottle of pills, shake a bottle of pills (ok so I had pills around when I was figuring out if mine was deaf), ring the doorbell, knock on a door, blow a whistle. If the puppy doesn't wake up or startle to any of it, it's probably deaf. You do want to make sure that whatever you're doing doesn't disrupt much else. Mine is deaf and occasionally will react to someone clapping loudly. I went and checked out a children's sign language book from the library and used that to teach her ASL which wasn't nearly as hard to teach her as I thought. Good luck!

Yeah, the vet said to clap, which I tried and he didn't react, but he will react if you tell him 'no' loudly enough, but only for some people. I don't think he is entirely deaf, but I think he is deaf to certain frequencies. He seems to be able to hear low pitches to a degree, but not higher ones. I figure whether he is deaf or not, that I am going to dual train him both to sounds and hand signals. I've had people ask if I plan on putting him down because he is possibly deaf and has a heart murmur, and I think that is ridiculous. I don't care if he has problems, he doesn't deserve to be put down.

all i'll say is... that i'm glad it's over!

all the organisation, all the people coming round, all the extra isolation for me, i'm just glad that it is all over- while i hate the fact i am still as depressed today as i was at the end of 2012, that's nothing compared to the feeling of not even being wished happy new year from your own family... that hurts

[OutlawedSpirit]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

all i'll say is... that i'm glad it's over!

all the organisation, all the people coming round, all the extra isolation for me, i'm just glad that it is all over- while i hate the fact i am still as depressed today as i was at the end of 2012, that's nothing compared to the feeling of not even being wished happy new year from your own family... that hurts

I'm sorry your new years sucked too. Happy New Year! Figure if your family won't wish you one, I will. I hope things get better for you as the year goes on.

[~Christina]

You have such an over flowing plate right now! "Try" to not over think and stress over the stuff you really do have no control over. When I catch myself obsessing on things I try to just focus on counting backwards from 100 by 3's sometimes it works Be kind to yourself.

[OutlawedSpirit]

Thanks, the counting backwards thing might actually be useful. Especially in situations where I can't distract myself in other ways. I'm definitely gonna try it.

[OutlawedSpirit]

As if the rest of the beginning of this year wasn't enough, I totally bounced my checking account, so now I don't know what I'm going to do about that considering we won't get paid at all until next week. Can we just skip this year?