[ffgal82]

Im bipolar, been hospitalized 8 times for it. Recently, was very manic for almost a year, then had period of about 5 months where i actually felt like had normal emotions. Have had more very hurtful things than i thought could ever deal with happen in those normal feeling months. Also, very bad extremely painful disease that is bad right now n just keeps getting worse. Throughout it all, have somehow had a neutral outlook on it all.....until a few days ago. Depression hit me like a bus. Within few days already thinking about hospital. No clue how this happened. I do take my 2 psych meds twice a day n due to physical illness have been missing my day dosage alot, if not every day this past month. Maybe that caught up w me idk?? Maybe everything going on finally sunk in how horrible it all is?? My thoughts are nonstop n driving me absolutely bonkers!!!!!!!!!!!!! Feel like have nobody i can truly talk to, especially without being judged. Have not been able to do anything but lay in bed in the dark n think. Even my dog is freaked out, very clingy. Like, she is very set in her ways n routine n she has all of her 10 yrs slept at foot of bed, but she is sleeping cuddled up w me. So sweet, but im too depressed to even give her attention when she does it. Coming on here has my first time i felt a little better n distracted in a way. Was on board alot in past years n then kinda disappeared about a year ago. Had to even get a new username bc couldnt remember any of my info, not even my old email info.

[ffgal82]

Im freaking out about the bad thoughts and dont know what to do!!!! Tried a crisis chat w counselor last night. Bad idea!!!! Was not helpful at all n they were actually quite rude. They said some really harsh things at end....was long paragraph n right after i read first sentence they quickly closed chat w no warning!!!!! I dont get it. Only part of paragraph i had time to read basically said why are you on here bc people normally come here for help. Not my fault that their silly recommendations were not going to help. Just cant get these thoughts out my head n dont know what to do. Have to avoid hospital bc too physically sick to go.

I would try a different crisis line! How unfortunate that you got a lemon! There was an email response kind of service based in the UK that was helpful to me once... I'll try to find you a link.

When you say too physically sick to go to the hospital, is it getting yourself there that's the problem?

I'm no expert on your situation... but I wanted you to know you aren't alone! How are you now?

Found that info... Email jo@Samaritans.org. They will write back and offer support. If nothing else, they'll be polite! (in my experience) and you deserve no less!

[avlady]

I go back and forth from feeling good and then a downer sometimes I don't know what to do to bring me back up, I want to lay in bed all day but push myself as I have people that depend on me. I drag myself all day long, but recently the doctor tried a new drug, Viibrid that really worked, I am also on several other medications and have tried every other kind there was or is. I've been hospitalised in and out since 1985. For three years I have been hospitalised free, since they also put me on clanozapam. I do have days when I feel i can't do anything but now not so much I hope this helps any, I'm no doctor, hopefully you could get back into this website, I just recently heard of it and I find solace just reading about others and replying and to see others really feel like I did or do just helps also.

slump, do you mean the samaritans?

i agree... very helpful

[Clinte89]

Well I hope you can find some much needed support here. I am sorry your going through such a rough time and I wish I had some good advice but I dont. Maybe Samaritans will be better help for you.

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

slump, do you mean the samaritans?

i agree... very helpful

Yes, www.samaritans.org - I should have given the website too!