[razeljenny]

When I went to the Mental Health community club house today it got me so mad. I brought my guitar and violin to show my mental health friends. One of the younger guys there played my violin and I don't know how but he broke the bridge. It costed my one hundred fifty five dollors and he also played it so hard he broke a string on it, and I found out it will be expensive to fix it. I really was hurt, and said, "here, why don't you finish it off." and I began to hand it back to him, and he started to take it, so I grabbed it and put it away in the case. Life is delicate and now I realize that like a violin to be played out emotions must be more delicate as well. Most of the time I am not sweet enough, my tone is like a bad violin and I have lack of smoothness, like the sound he made before he broke my instrument. It didn't dawn on me until today when it broke, that my diagonosis of bi-polor could be that delicately put together and that maybe I play out my life the way that guy handled and ruiened my instrument. I was so so so imbarrassed, upset, in shock and errrrr disturbed while I watched and heard it scretch to the breaking point right before me and the four others at the club house. None of us had an easy time seeing that happen and it could have actually been some type of lesson for me, I don't know, it was expensive kind of lesson and now I guess If I want to play it, I will have to take it ten miles out of town to get it looked at and see, if it's even possible to fix it and I wonder if now, I am going to feel much like doing all of that, how do I know if it won't just get re-broken. I have ups and downs and feel like the trouble I go through to get out of the funky funks is just like the process of breaking the violin and what is worse, the repairing of myself, is just as exusting to do; does anyone have ideas on fixing myself with bi-polor again and again; do you think the violin story I shared means something if anything relitive to mental illness and better or worse cases of illness for me?? What can I think about my situation, it keeps happening (the same broken stuff, with just different days and different names for it-I get in funks and ruts, errie like broken violins, frightful like what should be done to get fixed, like even embarrassed to have to take myself in to "the violin fix it shop'" so to speak; how should I think when it keeps happening. I usually get sick fifteen times a year, which is my guess, it could be more or less. What a cost...........

[Rhapsody]

I can feel your pain and I know it well from my own side of the fence with clinical depression and anxiety attacks.... I guess the best any one of us can do is to learn to live and enjoy the life we have, in the best possible way we can each day and to work thru the hard days one minute at a time.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[Determined]

I get what your saying. I think no matter what illness we have we all feel like we struggle day after day. The analogy of the violin makes me think about all the messes I have had in my life. My marraige, my job problems, my family, none are totally ruined but somedays I want to quit working at maintaining them. They cost alot in time, money, patience,etc. It is the feeling of why? I always come back to my kids. That is why I keep trying to work at what I have to. I would expect the same from them even when it seemed pointless. However, remember that there are times when things come together almost as perfectly as the playing a sweet melody on the violin. This will warm your heart knowing it was all worth it.

[razeljenny]

It seems like all our jobs have repair jobs as part of the job description. Yea, I never feel like doing that part of the work and yes, I have others, I think of to keep me up and running, also, I am Just barely Beginning to think of Myself Too to be inspired enough to go on, since, I am Worth the Struggle, myself, for just I alone, AM Worth It, pimples, and all.

Love Robin

[DaveyJones]

I hate to hear about your violin...a prized instrument is such a personal thing...more than a friend or even a lover, it's an extension of your soul. It is so hard to lose or damage one, even if it isn't your fault. I'm really sorry.

Our illnesses ARE a lot like damage to an instrument...the good thing is that after the repairs are done, the music continues, better because of the "flaws" that add personality and character. Will it be the same as before? Probably not...but that just makes us play new, wiser "music". Join the symphony!

DJ