Help Dealing with Mania (from a husband)

Hi,

My wife has been exhibiting symptons of mania for about the last month. It has been a roller coaster. All of the symptons are present including racing thoughts, increased sex drive, maybe two hours of sleep a night, overt annoying friendliness to complete strangers, driving crazily, imposing on people, she talks way too fast and WILL not sit still even for a minute. She is very flirtatious and tells me about guys who just randomly ask her out. Also, she is really enjoying the local bar scene. We tried to go to the beach on Saturday and she could not even sit still for a minute. She drove me crazy the entire day, and I snapped at her a few times. She just couldn't stop talking or moving. She is supposed to be on some Lithium medicine but says she lost the meds and has not made too much of an effort to find them. She keeps saying "you like me better manic than depressed anyway".

I have been travelling for most of this period due to my work schedule. I have spent a few nights at the house, and witnessed these symptons. Of course, I have called almost every day but during the last week she was really rude and did not return my phone calls and rushed me off the phone.

This mania session seems to have been triggered when she got a job at a local theatre company, and was working about 70 hours a week including her other job. She has since been fired from the theater job for irresponsility but has so far kept the other one. Her spending is nuts too...$1000 in junk in the last two weeks.....I pay all of the bills and she keeps the money she makes for "fun". I'm glad at this point we have separate bank accounts......

Saturday night (the day we went to the beach) was my first night in town in awhile and I wanted to spend time with her. She had told me previously that she was going to dinner with her friends and I was not invited since it was a "girls" night, and she insisted on doing this. I was not happy. I asked what time she would be home and she said she would try to be home by 8pm, I pushed and made her promise to be home by 8pm so we could spend time together. At 7pm, I get a call from her saying she had gotten lost and would now be home by 8:30pm. OK, fine. At 9:15pm (after stewing for 45 minutes) I get another message saying she was in town and I should meet her at a bar. I really did not feel like going to a bar and just wanted a quiet night, but I felt like I had to go because of her overt flirtatious recently. I went to the bar and was angry. Her friend was buying her a drink and I said to her friend that she was on meds and should not be drinking. Not a good idea, her friend basically told me that we were in a bar and that there was a time and a place for this discussion but not here. I was mad and told my wife to come back with me or not come back at all....stupid but I said it and of course did not mean it. They guzzled their drinks and all three of us left the bar. My wife had taken her car and said she needed to drop off her friend, so I drove back in my car expecting her home any minute. She never showed that night...she sent me a text message saying she was sorry that it had to end this way at both 3:30am and 6:30am, and that is the last I have heard from her.

I honestly have a lot of guilt because I did not realize I was dealing with an illness and would have handled the sitiuation better.

This was on Saturday and it is now Wednesday. I talked to her doctor Monday, and explained the situation. He was very nice and gave me his cell phone. He also called her parents for me and left her a voicemail. Her cell phone is dead and just goes into voice mail. He thinks it may be a reaction to meds, she was on Lexapro before (there is a history of bipolar in the family too). He thinks she should be involuntary hospitalized and she has an appointment with him today. We will see if she shows up. Thank god I know she is OK because she answered her phone at work today when I called (blocking my number). I hung up but thank god she is there. Not sure how to proceed...

I got a bunch of notices in the mail on Monday about overdrawn credit cards, these were addressed to her but I opened them....she must be on a massive spending spree because all of her stuff is here at the house and she has not been back since Saturday. She only had her cell and the clothes on her back...

She also called our neighbor who we barely know and said that we had a fight and to call her if her stuff is dumped onto the street and I have done that before. I have never done anything like this before. We have been married 10 years and were separated about 2 years ago. We got back together a year ago and things have been better but not absolute marital bliss (like that exists!)

Any advice? I really want to hear that this is not my wife acting this way, rather a condition which is what it seems to me.

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sfosyd said:I really want to hear that this is not my wife acting this way, rather a condition which is what it seems to me.

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You nailed it.

As a lot of people on this board know much better than I, Bipolar Disorder can be hell--and it can be hell on spouses, too. Hopefully her Doc will be able to get her back on Lithium to help her even things out. "Externalizing" is a good strategy, I think. In other words, when she behaves like this, try to keep in mind that you're dealing with her symptoms.

Hi, sfosyd. I have bipolar, too. And I can honestly say that I have done all the things you say your wife is doing. I had to be hospitalized when I got like that. While in the hospital I got my meds adjusted/changed, and things settled down for me. I hope your wife can get the help she needs very, very soon. Feel free to private message me if you want to talk about it. Take care.