[niko851]

<font color="#000088"> I know it has been weeks since I even said hello to all my friends on here whom have done SO much as far as being there for me. I wanted to apologize and also explain what has happened....

First, I have lost my housing AGAIN - the 2nd time since November 05. I had to move in w/my 'pseudo-mother-in-law', but in a way it was a blessing in disguise due to my prior living situation. At least I am not being ridiculed on a daily basis for being this way.... I had no access to the internet, ergo no way to even get on here... Getting to a library was out of the question for obvious reasons (good ol' panic disorder w/AG)...

I've literally gone up and down SOOO many times that I can't remember anything over the last month. I went to my P-doc on Friday and was denied seeing her bcuz, accourding to them, I have not answered my therapists requests for an appointment. Mom was with me and she threw a fit- everything from "I take care of the man" to "I'm bringing my entire phone call log - on paper from the phone co. (it logs each and every incoming and outgoing call) so I can not only prove that you idiots haven't called, but how many times WE have called you and no one ever calls back or acknowledges the voice mails.

By them denying me access to the doc that day, I am now WITHOUT MY MEDS - ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!! The nurse who was with us during the whole 'debate' has claimed they will deliver my meds and scripts on Tuesday to my new 'home' since I cannot drive the longer distance from where I am at. How in the HELL can they just 'cut you off' and then sit there and say "you will be OK we will get this taken care of on Tuesday"... Don't they know the consequences of NOT taking your meds? Don't they hound us each and every time with "are you taking your meds?" and then she has the audacity to do this all over not seeing (or respoding to these alleged phone calls) a therapist?

I can't afford to go anywhere else as this is the State-sponsored one (Medicaid)... I don't understand how my Medicaid is only good there, only good for Psych. care, but as far as a regular doctor goes, I'm nowhere to be found in the system... This has ALL just made me fly off the deep edge.......

So I go to the Urgent care this AM bcuz I am literally crawling out of my skin and guess what - this so-called doctor (and when I'm through w/her, she won't be practicing anymore) said she can't do ANYTHING for me because this is not an 'urgent matter' and I need to call their answering service OR go get admitted into the hospital. I tried to say something else and she held her hand up and turned her head away and said "I already told you - there's nothing we can do here for you"... I said " You can't even write out 4 G.D. scripts for medications I cannot go without" and she just sighed and walked out the door.... Now, I cant even partially understand the reluctance to write out the RX's - ANY doctor knows what abruptly stopping medications does to a person I even brought the old bottles w/me and she could care less.....

This is now day #3 that I have gone without my meds and I'm losing grip with reality. Literally... Since about 1PM, I've had the shakes, sweats, and I cannot sit still for more than a minute... I am deathly afraid to go to the ER bcuz I do NOT want to be admitted for something that can easily be cured by giving me my medications... Has anyone ever heard of asking a pharmacist to dispense a one or two-day supply for meds due to emergency situations like this? Is this even an option? Or should I just go off myself now while I still have the lick of sense to do it/remember what I am supposed to do.....

No one is here right now and I have NO clue what I am capable of in the next two minutes.... I'm trying to concentrate on just sitting here and reading posts over and over and overagain... I have notes all around to "read PC posts" so if I DO get up and go spastic, I can at least read them and know what I'm supposed to be doing.... Has anyone else ever had to go without their meds cold-turkey? Is this deadly? I'm on seroquel, depakote ER, Xanax, Paxil CR, and Zyprexa.... Maybe I'll find a way to get down there in the AM and just go off - it's not like I'd even have to try hard at all...........

Sorry for all the jumping around inthis post and sorry for being so crude - I'm just so not in touch with reality right now I don't know who or what I am....... </font>

first, i apologize for not seeing your post sooner. i would have answered immediately, had i been here.

yes, a pharmacist will sometimes give you a day or two of meds. they have done that for me. i'd try that for sure.

and i am so sorry that you've had to go through this. it sounds like hell to me. please keep me updated on how you are doing. i will check in first thing in the a.m. xoxoxo pat

[niko851]

Hi Pat & thank you for replying ....

I was able to Threathen them into giving me my meds by telling them that I'm going to the hospital, with my mom, and the whole story will be aired out to dry... I was told to 'hold on', she came back on the phone, and said "I have them so come get them"....

Only problem? NO GAS!!! I wasted in for the trip on Friday.... Oddly enough, my mom found 3 different people at work who has 3/5 of the meds and I ate them up at about 2AM... I'm still in a freaked-out mode, but hell - at least some are bettter than none...

OH and BTW, the Pharm. would do the 2-day for them, but the cost for all of them would have been $145!!!!! I asked if he would just turn his head and I'll quietly snag them and walk away - and he said I would, but the cameras will get you and I don't wanted to see you in jail!!! Figures eh???

I only need to figure out HOW to get to thedamn place now in order to get them. $10 bucks will give me/us enough gas to make the 45 mile round-trip... I can't drive - not in this shape - as I'm liable to do who knows what!!!

THANK YOU again Pat for talkin w/me... I owe you one !!!
Niko

any time, my friend. any time. you've befriended me on more than one occasion....you don't owe me...

i hope you found the $ for the gas. don't you just hate finding a solution and then finding a roadblock behind the solution????

keep me posted. love, pat

[BlueFaith]

niko, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I also hope you found a way to get your medicine. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. Take good care of you, ok?

[niko851]

Hey all -

Just as an FYI, I'm doing OK now that I've been able to get my meds... Got them 2 days ago as a matter of fact and needed the time just to 'get down' to about 85% loopy instead of 100% loopy

I figured out that the gas stations only charge a $1.00 authorization on your CC when you pay at the pump... Here's teh good part - this was when I was behaving SEVERELY manic so I stole one of my credit cards from where my partner locks them down, took my car, went to the gas station, and filled it up (cost $52)... Then he/I gets an email that the card is over the limit 2 days later since my payment hadn't posted yet...

Long story short, whenever you're in a bind, make sure you have $1.00 availalbe and the charge will go through!!! LOL........

Just wanted to thank everyone and let everyone know that I'm back on the road to stabalization - least I hope... thanks to you all again - N

i am so relieved. i've been worrying about you, as my internet isn't hooked up yet. just got a phone yesterday. i'm in texas now. xoxo pat