killer brain

..I hold this thing it's not mine where did it come from?

shut me out shut out the me I can't see!

shake this grin like a smile a sin!
grinning badly with the hurt within!

and this is all really convenient for an asshole

for years I have had this thing in my skull.

I am not a good person!

I have this serious evil in my brain...!

it's only by chance the good bits get out...

I care for you I really do..

but I'm not a good person

I'm missing something...something important....

and that I know It aint there?...

does not make up for it

You said this perfectly... I KNOW exactly what you are saying here.

I have had the "Grin" since I put up my wall when I was 13.
My "Sh.it Eating Grin" is what I call it, but it really has not true reflection of what is going on inside my damn brain.

How to reprogram this thing is the real question...

I didn't mean to make sense..

i'm sorry

and you will understand that...

Birds of a feather flock together, right???

YYZ, I am sorry to hear about your tastes in cuisine.

I thought only dogs did that

Monkey, you are in my heart

HeHe... Figurative S.E.G.

Even when you don't intend to make sense, you do.

If that intelligence of yours could work a little on the inner demons you think you have, you'd probably make one magnificent minister, truthfully.

I could pretend I don't get it, if that would help u think u didn't make sense.

but you did make sense. You said there is a part of you that grins at the pain and because of that part of you, you feel like you are not a good person. that part of you, you feel is an asshole.

well, guess what? Everyone who has dealt with that deepest pain in their hearts have had to survive it. and part of surviving it is finding ways to cope and deal with it.

we all have found parts of ourselves that we have relied on to deal with such pain and heartache. not saying that those parts of us show the best character, but it's those parts of us that get us through. everyone has a part of them that laughs at their pain and hurt. everyone has a part of them that scuffs at all their problems and it's that part of them that some would say doesn't care.

after thinking about it, it's the part of us that dissasociates us from the problems and gives us that fight. it's rather impenetrable too. the trick is letting go of the safety that part of us offers. letting go when times are not so bad, leaving us more vulnerable yes, but letting go of it nonetheless.

hope this makes sense. I am typing in a hurry so I don't really know if I relayed it correctly or if it just makes no sense.

let me know if you understood what I am trying to say please.

thanks.

I would delete my posts if I could. I'll back off