[spoiltmom]

Okay, I'm a stay at home mom. Our kids are 12,6 and 2. My 12 and 6 year old have ADHD, my 2 year old is very spirited, hyper and clingy. My husband is rarely home during the week. He gets in from work between 8 and 9 every night so I'm the only parent here during the week.

That coupled with my BP can make things horrible. There are days where I truly cannot get anything done. Like I don't have the mental focus or the energy to do things. Then when my husband finally does come home he makes cracks about the house being a mess or the kids not behaving.

How can I make him understand what I am going through? Ideally I'd love to be that mom that keeps on top of everything and has sparkling house with all the laundry done but I'm not. When I'm depressed his little wise cracks make things even worse. My 6 year old alone is a full time job. Right now she and I are seeing her pediatrician, a therapist, a psychologist and I'm trying to get her in with a child psychiatrist.

I think for most people with BP your plate is already sort of full but when your trying to deal with your mood swings and everything else it's even worse.
My husband thinks everything inside the house is MY JOB alone. He does nothing around the house, which is fine since he works all the time and is a good provider, but I still cannot do it all alone.

My husband expects my 12 year old to help me a lot but I don't feel like that is his job. Yes it's good for him to have chores but it is not his job to help me constantly.

Now I'm just rambling. I know. But any words of wisdom here?

[Confusedinomicon]

Maybe have your child do chores that pertain to himself...like cleaning his own toys.

Then have a list of things (realistic) of what you can do and put it on the fridge for everyone to see. Tell your husband that you're overwhelmed and you will attempt things on the list. (In terms of cleaning) Also ask him to take a day off to watch what you do during the week, but don't let him help. He may not understand, but he should see how hard it is for you to maintain the house with a rowdy personality.

I make my boyfriend do small stuff like throw the trash out and put his laundry away. He should be able to do low-effort things to help you around the house.

[spoiltmom]

Girl, when I started complaining that I shouldn't have to take out the trash everyday my H made it my 12 year old's new chore. Okay fine, my 12 year old is old enough to do that but at the same time, I know my H made it his chore because my H didn't want to do it himself. It irritates me to no end! No end!

My H brings his lunch kit home everyday. He expects me to open it and empty everything out and by everything I mean he even brings home his trash and when he's finished eating instead of dumping the food in the containers he leaves it all for me to do. I know that sounds petty on my part, BUT I feel like throwing his lunch garbage away and scraping out his dishes is the LEAST he can do to help out.

My mom stayed with us last week and she brought that up to me and told me that she didn't appreciate it and that he should be doing that himself. I tend to agree with her on that.

[Confusedinomicon]

That's ********. My dad always cleans his own bowls and does some house chores for my mom because she works. However my mom trained my dad to clean after himself and he has never been messy like that even when he didn't work. Its not your job to treat your husband like he is your child. I am mean. I would just put the leftovers in the fridge and give it to him the next day. I would tell him that he is a grown man who is capable of the 5 minutes it would take to clean the dishes.

Honestly I have yelled at my bf to clean after himself sometimes because he uses the 'i work' excuse. I will not clean his dirty clothes if he doesn't put it away now. You reminded me I need to be a hardbutt. X.X

[bjames]

I am currently in a manic so my emotions are all over the board, but I felt both sad and angry for you...You are doing a wonderful job, because my kids are recently moved out and I can't get things done and have a shining house and Im so grateful that my husband takes on most of the chores. My first husband did nothing and I felt like I was raising another child, plus work full time and deal with BP. I was at my wits end then so I totally understand how you are feeling! And you have every right to feel that way! I hope you can effect some changes so that things get better.

It takes a lot of work and understanding on my wifes part to deal with the symptoms of my bp. But as long as I don't use it as an excuse, and I am trying, she is ok with it. as soon as I play the bp card... she knocks me back into place. All you can do is try the best that you can. And you are already doing that. Hang in there! One day something will click and you will have the understanding that you deserve.

[sweathers81]

im in the same boat as you. as soon as i had my first child ive been a "single parent". i do everything around the house, take care of 3 girls 14,11,7. work at the school 40 hours a week. ive been with my h for 11 years. theres never been any change in him helping around the house or raising the kids. he always pulls the work card too. untill recently i havent worked for 6 years, so i didnt have a problem with it. but he said u get a job and i'll help. well i work and still no help.
i wish i knew what to tell you, but at least you not alone in this. best of luck to you. if u find something that works let me know, thanks. stay strong

[~Christina]

It came down to my T sitting my husband down and explaining it to him. Maybe that would help?