Insane in the mid brain, insane in the brain!

Ok.. I think I hate myself. I haven't been this negative since only lord knows when... It's this post partum depression, bp, OCD or what?!?! I keep obsessing about these unimportant things, wanting to fight cuz it infuriates me for reason I'm not sure if are legit. I mean, if they are, why does it all happens at the same time to make me feel insane!? Daycare ppl make me feel so uncomfortable. After my husband said to them not to get me upset, my son got scratched up by another kid. So they are under the impression that dad wants to leave the kid there but it's me, mom, that wants him out. I discussed this with my husband before, we both agreed it was the best, but now I feel they see me as the "bad guy". Then I feel is my husbands fault, and I want to attack him, because I felt attacked. Of course it just looks as I'm insane and over reacting, and I feel horrible. It's just too many things to handle! And I feel powerless!

I feel like I'm jumping to conclusions without having all the info; like this rage takes over me and blinds me! Like something as stupid as this: I didn't see my shower cap where I always leave it, so I assumed my husband threw it away, I got enraged in the shower.. When I go out, there it is, I see my shower cap. Thankfully, he wasn't around for me to say something. And, now, I feel just stupid and crazy.

Why can't I stop and think at this moments?! :-/

Deeeep breaths.....

Take a step back

Look at the big picture

Deeeep breaths....

Count back from 100

Deeep breaths....

Look at the big picture

I don't know why I can't stop to breathe and calm down! He put our daughter in her bassinet in our bedroom, because "she was asleep". Usually from 7 to 12 is my time to get a break for spending the night and day with her... I usually help out because he loses his mind when she can't stop crying, or just because I feel he deserves a break too, he goes to school and bla bla. I got pissed, because I had planned to crawl into the bedroom and cry myself to sleep. Trying to analyze why in the world I can't seem to find control.. Well, sure enough I went to him, trying to be calmed and ask him why he did that. She fell asleep.. Well, she is awake, not crying but awake.. So I'm like why didn't you put her in her room, she has a crib.. He is like bring her back, but then I feel like a bad mother pawning her off to dad. I feel like I need a break. I need to get out of the house or something.

Yes, you need to have some time away from constant caring for the infant. Can your husband afford to bring in a companion type helper once each week (say during midweek) to give you a day of time just for you? That would be a big help for starters.

Secondly, I would go in to talk to a counselor (psychiatrist) to find out if I needed to be on a mild mood stabilizer or tranquillizer to help me through the most difficult time until the youngster is old enough to sleep through the night--then you will see marked improvement in your mood.

Having some blood work done might reveal one source of chemical imbalance for you that can easily be corrected. (I'd ask my personal physician for help with that, requesting vitamin and mineral level evaluations, and liver, kidney functions.)

My guess is that your hormones are "doing a number" on you following the birth of your infant. Things need to be stabilized, that's all and you'll lbe fine. Also, birth takes a lot of your vitamin and mineral reserves. You may also want to ask for an excellent multiple vitamin and mineral to supplement your current diet for a few months, again, until the infant begins to sleep through the night. Getting your complete rest is vital for recovery.

Please try to get in to see a specialist for helpful advice and proper medications for a
few months. If you're breast feeding you might need to put her on a recommended
infant formula by her pediatrician while you are on medications.

Good wishes.

Thank you! I appreciate your advice and will certainly get a psychologist, I just got a psychiatrist a few weeks ago because i saw this coming... I will go back and ask for something to tackle all if this. I think between being on my period, my infant and my toddler, plus trying to do the housework while worrying why my work hasn't paid me, plus being fat and not having intimacy with my husband, literally drove me insane for a moment. I can't wait to get something for this anxiety, obsessive thinking, etc. I was not like this and I don't want to become this person.

Well, you have enough on your shoulders to stop a train! Ask for assistance in the
home at least until the infant is more alert and sleeping through the night.

Your husband will help, I feel sure, in getting you a companion service to give you
relief at least one day each week.

Then, do exactly as you have planned. Get in to see a psychologist, have blood work done to determine what you need to restore balance, take appropriate meds if called for and look for a happy ending to the current status quo.

Good to talk to you and take care of yourself first so that you may be able to take
care of your two adorable little ones.

Thanks genetic! :-)

Aww Mama!! I do just the same thing. Sometimes my brain goes straight to the rage. I can't always stop it in the moment, but then next thing I know, the initial rage is passed and I think about it like, wow why the heck was I so mad.

The shower cap, sorry but lol, I'm known in my family for thinking everyone took this or that and I get mad. They just sigh and wait cuz I'll end up finding where ever the hell I put it.

And yes, everyone needs breaks from the kids, you'd be really crazy if you were sittin there lil Miss Suzie Homemaker and thinking everything's perfect all day long!

Thanks Blue! I've done this before too, assuming and jumping to conclusions; then snapping to later apologize, drive myself nuts over little details of what could I have done better or feel dumb! While pregnant I gained control over my emotions and chose to walk away. I didn't make a scene, I just crawled to bed instead of picking a fight. Which I found worked perfectly to handle my husbands PTSD n anger sprouts. I hope I can reach that now too!

I direct my rage towards myself too. It leads to a lot of self hate and self harm.

My coping is to remember and/or think about anger and know it is there for a reason. then I hyper focus on something that is making me really angry.

And then I'm off! maybe not in the best mindframe... but I get things done that way. and somewhere in my journey, I do find that the anger seems to get kinda used up.

used up and i can make peace with it at that point.

prolly cuz I feel productive and I eliminate what was making me mad.

Now.... (disclamer)..lol.... it took me a lifetime to figure out how to minimize the collateral damage of one of my rages. and that's partly why I am so protective now of those around me. Cuz I let it out once on here, and I couldn't be sorrier.

anyways, maybe you can find something in here that helps... just me being honest again.

You know after I go ballistic, then I can step back and analyze lol I don't let myself do it before, is like I need and want to explode. Humm.. Maybe I need to do exercise or karate something to release that energy!

karate is a good idea! my daughter took karate for two years, it got her into shape!

I better start soon, cuz my big old butt doesn't fit in any of my clothes! Is driving me insane! Insane in the brain! Lol now I can't be vain and superficial, dang it! Lol j/k :-)

........lol

What do you mean ............. Are you saying I look fat in my jeans????!!!!!! Lol well, yes, yes I do.

Sorry, I ate funny cereal this morning and I feel like a comedian lol

the thread title reminds me of an oooolllldddd song.

insane in the membrane
insane in the brain
insane in the membrane
gone insane, got no brain...

hahaha... cypress hill... go figure lol

now... hehe... I'm not saying you have no brain. lol. it's just the songs lyrics.
this is usually how I dig myself into holes... lol

wow... to think I actually listened to cypress hill! that was soooo long ago!

Hey, the pun was intended. I'm totally quoting the song lol I'm a goofball lol

Thing is, I'm Hispanic, so bare with me and my English lol

it just reminded me of a song I used to like.

I think that your english is fine! please don't feel bad about something like that!

You see, this is a safe haven for us. NEVER feel bad about being yourself here. EVER!

I love that song. But for the past 20 years, I always thought they're saying, "Chick's insane, got no brain!" Like I could so totally relate! ROFL, oh holy i just snort laughed.

You guys are so awesome, I'm truly happy to be able to share with you! :-)