[faerie_moon_x]

Okay so we all know that bipolar is considered a disability and there are reasons for that.

It's not because we're lacking intelligance or creativity.

It's not because we are physically incapable.

It's because our minds go haywire and we're not able to function in the way that the rest of society requires.

Maybe in the grand scheme of things, if society were different, then no, it wouldn't be a disability. But all of the world isn't going to suddenly turn around and change it's mind on how people "should" function. It will take a graet overhaul and that is not something that happens easily.

So... until then, fine, we have a disability.

So, do you notice you make a lot of mistakes? I think this is why it's a disabilty. I make mistakes because I can't focus. I make mistakes because I can't remember things. I make mistakes because my thoughts are racing. I make mistakes because my moods are swinging wildly. I make a ton of mistakes, and I make more mistakes than a "non-bipolar" person. And it's a direct result of symptom of my bipolar.

I work my butt off trying to keep this from happening. But it happens. And then I get in trouble, because the non-bipolar people around me want me to function like a non-bipolar person, too....

Does this happen only to me? Or is this everyone? I am feeling like the alien in the room out here and I know I'm a mess. I know I am not "put together" and "professional" looking enoug. I know I make a lot of mistakes! But I can't promise you that I can make that stop!

How do I deal with this with people who don't get it??? I am so frustrated and I don't want to be an alien. I just want people to see me as a person with a disability. I'm fine with that. I would rather be a person with a disability than considered the lazy mistake maker who just doesn't do what she's supposed to.

Do you see what I mean???

[venusss]

I know, but I am opposite of you. I prefer to be viewed as having flaws.

I mean, if you are lazy or scatterbrained or kinda awkward... nobody is worried that you gonna blow up the whole building, strangle your boss, or so...

with "disability"... that's how people view you. It seems.

Mistakes? Oh my god do I ever make mistakes! My out of control emotions, my depression and my anger and self hatred when i am hypo! Nooooooooo you are not alone!

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

I know, but I am opposite of you. I prefer to be viewed as having flaws.

I mean, if you are lazy or scatterbrained or kinda awkward... nobody is worried that you gonna blow up the whole building, strangle your boss, or so...

with "disability"... that's how people view you. It seems.

it's good to hear from you! hope your day is going good!

[Clinte89]

I see what you mean and I have to agree. I make more mistakes because I react based on the emotions I feel that very second. Its a problem I am working on.

However I also agree this is not something thats gonna change or change easily. I have found when I have to make a decision I have to low down and research it before I react. Maybe try that. Slow yourself down the best you can analyze then react.

I find that it is not so much the bp... at first. but life issues trigger my bp and off I go. I am really working to be mindful of that and to be the person that I want to be!

[creativelight]

God, I feel you. I don't want to be that crazy person that can't control things, do what she is supposed to etc. I find myself trying to rationalize why I do this or that, trying to understand why things happen but I don't know. I don't know what should be the norm, why can't my point of view not be legit.
There's a song from radio head .. Says that we are accidents waiting to happen... I always believed that there are no mistakes and that everything can be turn around. But I don't know anymore.

[purpledaisy]

You are not alone in making tons of mistakes. Don't beat yourself up about it. It's part of the gift.

I used to be a very detail-oriented person on the job. Sure, I was a job-hopper and never happy working for someone else. And I've been fired many times.

But very early in my world of working, I had bosses praise me for being so detail-oriented with paperwork and tasks.

A few years later, when I was at a job as assistant to a highly visible person on a college campus, and I thought I was doing a great job, I was blindsided when this boss took me to lunch one day to ***** at me. I was told things like, "Do you really think you have a full-time job here? Do you really think you stay busy enough for full-time? Because you don't. And the work you do is hideous. I've never seen so many errors. I've had to bring in extra student workers to correct your mess."

I was stunned. I felt like saying, "I'd have more time to concentrate on my actual work if I wasn't always busy helping you plan parties and personal events."

Up until that *****-fest, I truly believed I was meticulous at whatever I did.

I've tried different jobs. Didn't help.

Tried different industries. Didn't help.

Tried finishing my degree and getting a job in the field I always thought I wanted to work in. It helped for about a year and a half, and then I was making mistakes again, taking way too long to finish my work, working extra hours without extra pay to get it done (because I was on salary), had no motivation to get things done by deadline.

Then I decided it was the fault of my boss. If my boss was better at being a boss, I would be a better worker.

So I quit.

Since then, I've been on unemployment three times, fired several more times, worked several places, walked out of a few places.

This last job that I had -- the one I was so worried about trying to keep when I first found this forum and joined -- I made TONS of mistakes. I didn't even care.

Then I started doubting my intelligence because of the mistakes and not understanding how to do the job.

I told myself it was their fault. They shouldn't have hired me knowing that I had never used the software they used. I didn't have a degree in that area. My degree was close, but not close enough.

Is anyone else quick to blame everyone else when we know it's our bipolar doing these things to us?

I feel your pain. Yes, the non-bipolar people are wondering why we couldn't just handle whatever it was that we screwed up. "What's wrong with so-and-so? Is she taing drugs? Is she drunk? Is she high? What's wrong with her NOW? She's so down compared to how she was acting before. Is she stupid? Why doesn't she understand what I trained her on the other day?"

They have no idea how hard we work sometimes trying to act normal or get the bare minimum done to try and stay afloat.

[creativelight]

Are you guys occasionally confused about what is the norm and what is not ? Yesterday I received an email from my boss, at my work email, saying that I needed to input some info in the computer before the 31st. I was like wtf! I'm on maternity leave! No way! But then my husband said that they are still paying me and they can ask for that; to what I replied, my vacation time! I guess I have to work, even when I'm off? Is that how it works?

[faerie_moon_x]

Thanks everyone.

The thing I think some don't see here... is that when people call me "lazy" they mean that I do these things on purpose.

Not that I'm flawed. Having a flaw and doing things on purpose is different.

I am too lazy to notice that there is a meeting, so I forget to put the packets together for it. On purpose.

I don't care about the projects I am given, so I don't pay attention to deadlines or doing them correctly. On purpose.

I would much, much rather be seen as someone to is trying very hard despite having a disability, vs. that lazy girl who just doesn't care.

I have been accused of this my whole life. The lazy, manipulative, lying, spoiled child. I hate it! I am not lazy, I struggle. I am not manipulative! If I say I don't feel well it's not because I want pitty. If I say I'm suicidal or self-harming, it's not being I want attention! I'm not lying, I really do have an illness! I'm not spoiled, I was just an only child and sure, I had a lot of toys, but I bought my own car when I was 16, I paid for my own gas, I paid for my own schooling, I don't put others last so I can come first!

No one will help me or give me a break ever... I feel like I'm the world's enemy but I'm just trying to get by....

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by purpledaisy

I feel your pain. Yes, the non-bipolar people are wondering why we couldn't just handle whatever it was that we screwed up. "What's wrong with so-and-so? Is she taing drugs? Is she drunk? Is she high? What's wrong with her NOW? She's so down compared to how she was acting before. Is she stupid? Why doesn't she understand what I trained her on the other day?"

They have no idea how hard we work sometimes trying to act normal or get the bare minimum done to try and stay afloat.

^^^ This is the kind of attitude I'm talking about that I come up against.

[creativelight]

I understand what you're saying, I been called "special" and retarded many times because I don't fit ppl expectations. Have you filed Ada? Maybe that will help..? I haven't done it.. I don't fully understand how can it help me...

[faerie_moon_x]

I haven't filed ADA but I have disclosed in hopes of getting accomidations which only backfired on me. Because, you know, to them it's all fake or whatever.

By the way, creative, I would look into them asking you to do work while on maternity leave. I'm not sure about that. Maternity leave isn't a vacation, it's a leave of absence so that you have time to recover and bond with your baby. I would definately look into that....

[~Christina]

DH

I know exactly what you are saying, been there many times. I honestly don't know if there is a solution. I do know that with the economy the way it is Employers hold all the power. they figure there is X amount of people looking for a job so they don't have a reason to work with employes. Fair? hell no !

I know you had a review recently that was very positive, remind yourself of that, Just know you are not alone with having difficulties in life, looks like we all have the same ones

I know alot of people think Bipolar people are "fragile" .. I say we are alot stronger than most, we take on the world while dealing with the joys that Bipolar brings.

[faerie_moon_x]

Thanks. I did have a positive review. It still constantly points out how I need to not make mistakes and stay in their little box. Every time I make a mistake I get this huge anxiety rush. I'm technically not allowed to make any mitakes at my job. None. Small mistakes are kept like tally marks... Every mistake I'm like "is this the one that will get me fired?" I live in fear at my job.... Fear! I hate it! Every mistake makes me feel like a complete failure to everyone. My boss, my husband, my co-workers, my kids! I have failed them all!

I think my thing is...

I wish people could say, "Look at how much you have accomplished despite the fact that you have bipolar and obviously are not well a lot of the time."

Instead of: "Why do you always let us down?"

-.-

[Confusedinomicon]

Have you tried to put your hand on your heart and steady your breathing when you have anxiety? Just a small tidbit I read somewhere. (Remember!!! Anxiety is ~~~alllll~~~ physiological)

I love you and have nothing else to contribute. Sorry!!!

[creativelight]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

I haven't filed ADA but I have disclosed in hopes of getting accomidations which only backfired on me. Because, you know, to them it's all fake or whatever.

By the way, creative, I would look into them asking you to do work while on maternity leave. I'm not sure about that. Maternity leave isn't a vacation, it's a leave of absence so that you have time to recover and bond with your baby. I would definately look into that....

I'm going to ignore the email, if they call me than I might feel obligated to do it. I took the 6 weeks already and I'm now using vacation time. Maybe I will google it, to be sure. thanks! And sorry that it back fired, many ppl take it as a fake illness because mood swings are apparently common for women. Ack

[Melmo]

I can't even begin to tell you how much I agree with everything you said. I make sooo many mistakes at work and my boss is a ***** and yells at me and makes me feel like an idiot every. single. day. because of it. I make mistakes that I have made over and over before. I work my *** of trying to do a good job, and I get everything done I was told to do but I make one or two mistakes and that's all that matters. It doesn't matter that I did a great job on everything else and did it in the time frame she gave me, all that matters is that one mistake. One time she told me "you can only do what you can do" which to me translated to mean "you're obviously not capable of doing the job that everyone else can do, so don't worry about it."
I work in a fast food restaurant, and am expected to work fast, and be able to multitask. I am expected to take orders, and also pay attention to when the orders come up and pass the out. I can't do that half the time. Yesterday I was dealing with a particularly difficult customer and my manager came out, angry that an order was ready and waiting for me to pass it out and I should have looked back and checked to see if it was up. But I was so distracted with the customer, I can only give my full attention to one thing at a time. If I divide my attention, I get flustered, and make even more mistakes.
I really hate my job and I feel like I will never have a job I am capable of doing. I will always be the one who can't do my job properly and looks like an idiot every single day.

[ParchworkQuilt]

Originally Posted by purpledaisy

They have no idea how hard we work sometimes trying to act normal or get the bare minimum done to try and stay afloat.

Oh my! I can't tell you how many times I have said this exact same thing. Like walk a mile in my shoes and then see how it works for ya! As I get older it is harder and harder to compensate for the mistakes and errors in judgement. I can't anymore. I know I'm doing something in error because the other person, boss, co-worker, whatever gets this look on their face like what the heck?!

[Secretum]

((everyone)) It sucks when people view us as "lazy". I also have ADHD, which causes me to make a lot of stupid mistakes. I've literally lost hundreds of points in math classes over the years thanks to careless errors in arithmetic. And even in conversations, I sometimes say the dumbest things. This drives my social anxiety. I hate it. I wish that I could just count on my brain to be reliable.

I know what you mean about disclosure backfiring on you. I got behind in my classes last semester because I was distracted from my ADHD (I had stopped taking my wellbutrin, which helps me focus) and was also running a bit manic. Once things calmed down and I got back on the wellbutrin, I did everything I could to catch up in my classes. I thought that I could be honest with my experimental psych professor; after all, he's a psychologist. Telling him that I have bipolar and ADHD was a big mistake. He started bullying me during the one-on-one meetings we had to have to plan our final project; he actually made me cry twice. I talked to my advisor and my TA about it, and they convinced him to stop treating me so poorly. But he got his way in the end; I got a C in the course. Despite the fact that I scored well above average on all of the exams. He didn't start being nasty to me until I disclosed my diagnoses.

Ugh. It's just so frustrating that people don't understand!

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by Secretum

((everyone)) It sucks when people view us as "lazy". I also have ADHD, which causes me to make a lot of stupid mistakes. I've literally lost hundreds of points in math classes over the years thanks to careless errors in arithmetic. And even in conversations, I sometimes say the dumbest things. This drives my social anxiety. I hate it. I wish that I could just count on my brain to be reliable.

I know what you mean about disclosure backfiring on you. I got behind in my classes last semester because I was distracted from my ADHD (I had stopped taking my wellbutrin, which helps me focus) and was also running a bit manic. Once things calmed down and I got back on the wellbutrin, I did everything I could to catch up in my classes. I thought that I could be honest with my experimental psych professor; after all, he's a psychologist. Telling him that I have bipolar and ADHD was a big mistake. He started bullying me during the one-on-one meetings we had to have to plan our final project; he actually made me cry twice. I talked to my advisor and my TA about it, and they convinced him to stop treating me so poorly. But he got his way in the end; I got a C in the course. Despite the fact that I scored well above average on all of the exams. He didn't start being nasty to me until I disclosed my diagnoses.

Ugh. It's just so frustrating that people don't understand!

Wow, that's terrible! If you can prove how well you did on your exams can you bring that to the attention of his boss? That's really messed up. And discrimination, too.

[Trippin2.0]

my eyes are scratchy and my mind is full, and while I do not suffer the same fate, I want you to know that I hear you sis

[Job19]

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

Mistakes? Oh my god do I ever make mistakes! My out of control emotions, my depression and my anger and self hatred when i am hypo! Nooooooooo you are not alone!

I couldn't have said it better than ^^^. I just wish my wife and my family would realize these things. I seems like I am talking to a brick wall when I try to explain myself. Even with their limited knowlege of the disorder; they should still not be suprised when I do something a little "crazy" sorry if that offends any.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by Job19

I couldn't have said it better than ^^^. I just wish my wife and my family would realize these things. I seems like I am talking to a brick wall when I try to explain myself. Even with their limited knowlege of the disorder; they should still not be suprised when I do something a little "crazy" sorry if that offends any.

No, I understand what you mean. It always confuses me when people don't get it that I'm having a mood swing...

[manicminer]

Happens to everyone, my dear.

Coping? I stopped caring what other people think of me a long time ago. Life is a heck of a lot easier that way