paranoid?

I feel like I'm doing something wrong talking about it.

If there's one thing I know, it's paranoia... at least when I can actually regonize it.

it feels like the world is cold, like everything has changed, huh?

Hmmm, no not really... paranoia for me is very intense. It doesn't feel like anything is changed, it just feels like "Aha! Now I see the plot at hand!"

So, uhm, here's an example. In July when I was in the hospital I still owed them money from having my baby in the December before. So the first time I was in the ER a lady comes to ask me about it. I tell her about payment plan and she leaves. When I am in the ER a second time another lady comes to ask me about it, and I tell her same thing. Once I was admitted a man comes and asks me about the same thing! So I also tell him. This all happened on Saturday.

Then, the waiting starts. And I am laying there, knowing I need surgery. But what is going on? It's very hard to get information, and the nurse is even confused, not a lot of information coming out way on what is going on for me. So by late Sunday I say to my husband, "It's because I owe them money, they're going to make me wait and am less of a priority." In fact, I tell himt his mutiple times. Well, no, of course not that wasn't it, and he assured me of it. But it was still hard to shake.

You see?

yes. I see. that's not how I am feeling at all. I feel like everything has come out from under me and that everything is different now. Like, everything has changed. It's a horrible feeling. I don't know what it is, but I've felt many times before.

There is a name for that... I don't know what it is off the top of my head, though.

Impending doom

Paranoia is hard to define. My friends joke that I'm paranoid because whenever I'm out walking at night I look behind me about 50 times to make sure that there is no creepy guy following us with a knife. But I'm not paranoid, just anxious and a little overcautious. (thanks for the self defense thread!)

Could that be what's happening to you? Maybe it's a part of your anxiety disorder?