Living

It is the the acceptance of things, of my life. My tears flowing, to say I am... Don't ask me why, I don't know. Wierd...

I am not honest with myself, I think so. It is so difficult.

How so, not honest with self? How can you tell between that and self doubt?

Thanks Blue. I'll look into it. I never thought if I have this condition in my thought process.

I am feeling good about myself again, but there is this stupid uncomfortable feeling that I don't deserve it.

I think I have this condition that I never know I have. Now I have to figure a way to deal with it. How I wish I have a therapist to help me.

Well, I have to believe I have more than enough to overcome almost any how. I have got more than I think I know.

"Happy Thank you More Please"
-my ex mother in law, telling me about a film she liked (BlueInanna)

This is what I should be telling myself when I feel good about myself instead of worrying how long it will last and thinking if I deserve to feel good about myself or not.

I am feeling good about myself now, though still depressed. Happy Thank you More Please.

Bought 2 books today.

Emotional Health: What Emotions Are and How They Cause Social and Mental Diseases by Bob Johnson and Metacognitive Therapy for Anxiety and Depression by Adrian Wells.

The 2nd book is an ebook so I can read it immediately. I am on the chapter about detached mindfulness. Very similar to my therapy that I am practicing except that you don't need psychosis nor meditation to practice it. Interesting.