Saw Pdoc today- wanted to put me in hospital *trigger*

Hang in there moose

Trying clinte! Moment to moment.

I hear ya just do your best. We are rooting for you! Go moose go!

Thinking I should go to per. But what a hassle.

If you think it'll help then yeah go.

I took my new higher night time dose of Zyprexa. Feeling some better.

Took Zyprexa this morning too. Hungry. But it is morning.

I hope the higher dose proves effective for you and works out well. Best of luck moose.

Thanks. I invited a friend out for coffee bit she's mad at me or something lately because she isn't responding. :-/

I am out and about. Had coffee with another friend. I am still having morbid thoughts but these are worse. I am feeling like my life sux. That I've royally messed it up. I'll never get out of where I am. Dark hole. Down the rabbit hole....

I'm sitting at a coffee shop with a friend. I guess I was triggered earlier today about a financial matter. Not good. Now I see myself going down the rabbit hole again. Oh all those Skittles. All those tasty Skittles! Now my thoughts are not anxious as much as they are just negative and ... and... I think I have messed up my life. There is nowhere to hide. There are creatures of human form after me. Worse than zombies. They are all after me. They have, in fact, all gotten me while at the same time they are still chasing. Both at the same time. All the time. And down the rabbit hole I go. These two guys behind me won't shut up. They are loud. I can't even crawl under this table to get away. Only the rabbit hole for me. Where it calls to me. Quietly. And it may turn to screaming. Screaming in the distance. Yes. Indefinite running in the cold. Run... no sleep. No warmth. Where are the voices? The soothing voices? Come back to me... Come calling, calling to me! And yet, these voices behind me need to SHUT UP! Melting into the floor. Goodbye. Not here. O death rock me asleep.

Try to remember a response, or lack of response, may not be about you at all. It's about her.

You should go to the PER . You can no longer handle this on your own.

Friends fighting with me. Two in one day.

I agree with TigerLily. The last few weeks have really taken there toll on me and I'm feeling like poop. People aren't responding to my texts and I feel like I've done or said something wrong (again).

Maybe your friend is busy Moose. Would it help to turn off your phone or leave it in another room?

Are the meds helping at all?

Meds are helping the urgency but not the feelings themselves.

My friend is taking me to PER. Back after many hours and days if they admit me. Well if they admit me I can post here.

Hang in there Moose.

Hope they can help you

I'm at PER with the green alarm band on. Didn't know they have internet here. Have been triaged and security has done their thing.

The social worker seems to be fighting me a little bit. He's not sure if he wants to admit me or not. He's really up in the air now. Going to talk to the dr who is then going to come talk to me. He was doing the "its up to you whether or not you need admitted" thing to which I said, "my pdoc said that was the next choice" to which he said "You only gave the meds a day's chance!" to which I said, "yeah but I can't stand this." and round and round we went. He says I'd miss my pdoc appointment if I were in the hospital- irony. I don't really WANT to go to the hospital, and so he asks me what do I want out of this visit! Oh geeze. Anyway, he went to talk to the psychiatrist here, so we'll see. I seem to be the only one here so that's good. At least we're getting out of here quickly.

sorry but hospitals are so full of crap.

why is he not sure to admit you?

Sorry they are giving you a rough time moose. I wonder if they understand going to the hospital is not something we do for fun. I hope they give you a break and give you the help that you need.

The drs talked to me. They want to admit me. 3-7 days. They are talking to the attending to make sure.

Hang in there moose itll get better. At least youll be safe and getting things worked out.