Boyfriend is gone, now I'm broken

I know, I know. I'm not expecting him to be there for me all the time, whatsoever. Today was just a really bad day, as I'm on a new med (citalopram) which is making me very sort of on edge. And tired. And headachy, amongst others.

It's just because it was just after 12 and I felt really terrible, really. I've lost sleep because he had a row a couple of nights ago with his mum, and I had to walk 30 minutes at 11pm and hang around with him in his town for a few hours to look after him.

I just didn't expect him to tell me to go and self harm when all I did was ask for him to let me call him for a while.

I see.

Are you drinking enough tea to help the headache go away?

I drank about 6 cups today. In fact all I've had is tea.
But no. You're right. I've pushed him way too hard.

How could I have been so stupid? :/

I don't know you, but I think you are far from unloveable. We may be difficult to love, but that only means it takes an incredible person to love us. We are worth that person, and you will find your person too. I would say you have to love yourself first- but I know how difficult that can be. Just try and love yourself enough to not harm yourself. Maybe just enough to be neutral. Best wishes, be safe

RB , you are not stupid, we all make mistakes. We all struggle and relationships are not easy breazy.

Can you widen your support system some how so that you do not have to lean on him as much. I do think you are overlooking an important component here that MM pointed out, he helped motivate you to change, however you are the one who changed. Don't diqualify what you did there. That is the kind of stuff we need to take some credit for when we do. It builds our confidence and trust in our selves. Which is key if you want to come to a point where you rely less on outside support and more on your own skills. Clearly you do have skills, but maybe lack the confidence and trust in your own ability and capability.

Valueing your own work you have done instead of devalueing it might help you lean on your bf less and less. Med changes are hard so remember to expect the bumps and try to keep things easy, routine and non stressful till you adjust. Be gentle on yourself and try remember that the feelings will pass, they will. What about practicing mindfulness to help get you through those tough spots when you are feeling overwhelmed? Meditation or breathing exercises..you can try that untill you are calmer and try to contact bf after you self calm a bit rather than before?

I don't know just trying to think of things that might help.

The roses are beautiful! Perhaps you can dry them if you want to keep them around for a while longer.

That is not enough. Without headaches, 6-8 cups a day. With headaches, more.

If you are not eating, you may be having a headache from skipping a meal. I know that with migraines, skipping a meal triggers migraines in about 50% of sufferers.