[StormieKnight]

This morning when I was taking my morning meds, I got lost in thought. Holding the pill in my hand thinking things like "government control", "poison", "robot".... I have only been back on medication for 3 months, and that's because I was sent to inpatient. I ended up taking my medication... but I can't help but want to quit it. Bipolar disorder is a part of me... why are doctors trying to get rid of it to make me like everyone else?
...Sigh...
Any comments or thoughts would help.

[Insignificant other]

Dont do it .. I tried to stop all meds last summer and it was just horrible. Its finally getting better now. I too just hate taking drugs to feel a bit normal but, its necessary for us Pole dancers. If there is ever a cure for this disorder I will be one of the first to give it a go. Good luck with your decision StormieKnight ..

[Clinte89]

I want to quit mine to. But for some reason I dont, I guess Im afraid of withdrawls.

[cocoabeans]

Some of us, like me, are not on medications. Don't know if you can stop yourself from being locked up again with out them. That will really depend on the people around you and perhaps how well you can lie when your mad. You don't want to end up in a hospital again and you probably have a few other things you'd like beyond that.

Most days I don't notice I'm not medicated, some days I'm glad I'm more able to experience and some days I really regret going off medication though I remember missing even a proper depression.

[Secretum]

I can relate. I think that every bipolar person can relate. We've all wanted to go off our meds at some point.

Have the meds ever helped you to feel better? Forget about making you "normal"; now I'm talking about them pulling you put of a depression, or calming your anxiety, or settling your psychic pain in one way or another.

That's what they are supposed to do, make you feel better. Not to turn you into a neurotypical.

If they're not making you feel better, and you've tried several combinations (you can't expect the first med you take to be a miracle drug) then I think you have a good case for trying to go med free for awhile.

[extremebipolar1]

Originally Posted by StormieKnight

This morning when I was taking my morning meds, I got lost in thought. Holding the pill in my hand thinking things like "government control", "poison", "robot".... I have only been back on medication for 3 months, and that's because I was sent to inpatient. I ended up taking my medication... but I can't help but want to quit it. Bipolar disorder is a part of me... why are doctors trying to get rid of it to make me like everyone else?
...Sigh...
Any comments or thoughts would help.

I have struggled with these thoughts for MANY years and I have discovered if I want to feel better then its up to me to do my research and try things in low doses to start. Right now is the first time in many years that I have actually taken my meds and im having huge side effects, not to mention I'm trying to raise a twelve year old diagnosed 3 yrs ago. please don't give up. I felt like a lab rat for years. right now I wish I could be inpatient to get my meds figured out.

[Bipolar mom]

Originally Posted by cocoabeans

Some of us, like me, are not on medications. Don't know if you can stop yourself from being locked up again with out them. That will really depend on the people around you and perhaps how well you can lie when your mad. You don't want to end up in a hospital again and you probably have a few other things you'd like beyond that.

Most days I don't notice I'm not medicated, some days I'm glad I'm more able to experience and some days I really regret going off medication though I remember missing even a proper depression.

Same here.

I was only able to function successfully off my meds when I became completely self aware of my moods swings.

[venusss]

Med free can be done, but it takes work. And you probably have to learn to tolerate weird things and ground and keep in the now when it happens.

It's all complicated and individual.

Please don't do that until you have stabilized everything else in your life. Your diet
is a major factor that needs attention if you are bipolar. The chemistry of the brain
will be helped very much if you eliminate the following from your diet:

1. caffeine-- if you are sensitive to it. It has a profound effect on the brain if we
do have an intolerance. (See http://www.Doctoryourself.com . Look down the
index on the left side until you see an article called "Caffeine Allergy" by Ms. Ruth Whalen; that will reveal to you the dangers of caffeine. )

2. alcohol-it is a depressant and makes bipolar illness worse.

3. Try removing wheat, barley, and rye from your diet for about 2-3 weeks. If you
are much better after that time, I would think you have an intolerance to gluten
in those grains and you need to stop using wheat, barley, or rye permanently. (It
is quite possible to be very healthy without those in your diet. Just substitute nuts,
seeds, green vegetables, green peppers for the amino acids missing in wheat. For more on that, read Dr. David Wiliams' new book called Wheat Belly for a good understanding of what is being suggested.)

3. Establish a routine sleep schedule and adhere to it.

4. Please continue to take your meds and request reduction of dosage from your doctor only and if you are able to readjust your diet so that medications are not needed in such high dosage as to make you feel like a Zombie. Later, if you learn and practice diligently the laws of excellent nutrition you might be one who escapes the need for psychotropic meds.

While you're on medication, you probably may wish to enhance your nutrition by taking a
pharmaceutical grade multiple vitamin supplement. These psychiatric meds take so much
from our system in being metabolized, and they leave an acidic residue that is difficult to
dispel when we take the prescribed meds every 24-hours 7 days a week.

I know what you mean. I dislike them intensely,too, and I take now only 10 mg.
Prozac and a food med called Deplin (concentrated Folate). Even at that, there are
times when emotional feelings well up. That's when I practice meditation and rely
on Spiritual values for support.

[Victoria'smom]

I don't feel pdoc's are trying to get rid of bipolar, just make it more manageable. No amount of medication can take bipolar away from us. We wouldn't be here if meds. took away bipolar medicated bipolars wouldn't be here. Sit down and figure out why you can't tolerate your meds. Then try to limit those issues. Remember your pdoc works for you.

[supernova001]

Originally Posted by StormieKnight

This morning when I was taking my morning meds, I got lost in thought. Holding the pill in my hand thinking things like "government control", "poison", "robot".... I have only been back on medication for 3 months, and that's because I was sent to inpatient. I ended up taking my medication... but I can't help but want to quit it. Bipolar disorder is a part of me... why are doctors trying to get rid of it to make me like everyone else?
...Sigh...
Any comments or thoughts would help.

There were a few times I went off my meds cold turkey thinking 2 things:
1. i wasn't really bipolar and therefore didn't need them and
2. The meds were harming my body.
I was in a manic state during these times which is often when people go off their meds. The repercussions of this deluded choice was disastrous. Not only did i crash into severe depressive and mixed episodes, but went into physical withdrawal symptoms which is horrible. After those experiments, i learned my lesson and realized i definitely had bipolar and needed the meds.

3 yrs. ago i abruptly went off my meds because my pdoc died suddenly before i could get refills. I was unable to get a new doc and meds--- as a result, I ended up flying into a severe mania where i didn't sleep for 5 days straight , became paranoid and psychotic, then ended up severely physically sick from the withdrawal symptoms. (i'm talking puking, weakness, fainting spells etc) Ended up getting hospitalized for that mania.

Just recently, this fall, i was dropped from a clinic for missing some appts. As a result, my meds ran out and i crashed into a horrific suicidal depression that lasted 5 months. (this time, going off my meds, was not by choice). I've had depressed episodes while on meds, but without meds... the severity and length of the depression is 10000 times worse imo. After the first few months i ended up attempting suicide for the first time. Was hospitalized and treated. Released prematurely....I did go back on meds (different meds) and none worked so i ended up slipping back into another severe suicidal depression. Ended up going into another better hospital and finally was stabilized on medication that worked. I'm still bipolar....there is no cure....i'm not like everyone else, but despite the side effects, i'm glad i'm alive and stable.

My question to you is: What was your state of mind before being hospitalized? And did the meds stabilize you? Also, when you say: "government control" , Poison" etc... do you really believe there is a gov. conspiracy where "they" (whoever they is) are purposely wanting you to go on meds in order to make you like everyone else? Is this delusional thinking...that is, is this the illness talking or was it a figure of speech?

From my experience, i would advise you to NOT go off meds if they are working. If you are experiencing bad side effects or feel they aren't stabilizing you, then work with your pdoc to find the meds that do work for you. OUr brain illness does not make us who we are...it's a part of our lives yes, but it's also what makes us unstable and not see ourselves and the world clearly. If the meds help us to be more stable...that is, balance the imbalanced chemicals of this mood disorder, then they are an aid to help us be who we really are. Please think twice before going off meds cold turkey...at least talk to your Dr. or therapist about why you want to do this.

[Trippin2.0]

Yes make no mistake, quitting cold turkey does suck wet rabid dog a.s.s!
But I managed to ride out the withdrawls and the ultradian cycling that ensued just like every episode before I was diagnosed, and have been med free since 2011...

Med free is not for everyone. For starters; You need to be über- self aware, have a load of insight and be armed with coping mechanisms for your next swing as there is no chemical safety net in place.

Without the basics, you will almost certainly be crawling into your pdocs office on your knees before your brain has re-adjusted to the time before (drugs).

Not impossible though, there are quite a few of us off our meds for whatever individual reason, but I guarantee not one of us will advise to jump into this blindly...

[supernova001]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Yes make no mistake, quitting cold turkey does suck wet rabid dog a.s.s!
But I managed to ride out the withdrawls and the ultradian cycling that ensued just like every episode before I was diagnosed, and have been med free since 2011...

Med free is not for everyone. For starters; You need to be über- self aware, have a load of insight and be armed with coping mechanisms for your next swing as there is no chemical safety net in place.

Without the basics, you will almost certainly be crawling into your pdocs office on your knees before your brain has re-adjusted to the time before (drugs).

Not impossible though, there are quite a few of us off our meds for whatever individual reason, but I guarantee not one of us will advise to jump into this blindly...

I have no real support network or therapist. Wish i did, but i don't. Please do share some of the coping tools you've learned, if you don't mind, to prepare for a mood swing. Right now I'm experiencing extreme fatigue as a side effect of lithium and it's starting to effect me mentally---that is, i'm afraid that it might trigger some depression since i feel "stuck" and unmotivated due to the lethargy. As a result, i'm feeling those familiar feelings since i'm stuck doing those familiar things i do while in a depression... i.e. sitting on couch watching movies, not leaving the house or napping in bed. I know that being around people would help, but what sucks is that i really have no social life or people to be around.

[Anika.]

Find a way to be around people if you have no peeps. I don't have them either and it is not easy to find friends. But get yourself somewhere where you have positive human interaction. For me this is yoga, plenty of warm friendly peaceful loving people for me to interact with there. Even when I go to a store I make effort to chat a bit to the teller and have happy interactions. I go to the same places often so they get to recognize you and know you a bit. Even those small interactions help. No you are not going to feel like going for a jog or a walk, but when the body is lethargic it often doesn't need rest but movement. Moving give us more energy, sitting give us more tiredness. It's hard to break out of that circle but it's the starting part that is the hardest. Lithium gave me little energy but once I started being more active I got more energy back.

When you feel depression approaching, remind and stay aware of doing opposites. It's not always easy, doesn't always feel good but it works. Your mind says stay in bed/couch..watch tv... opposite/ go for a jog around the block, move your body. You want to hibrinate, go somewhere and smile at a stranger, say hello in passing. Is there an interest you have that you could join up doing it with other people?

All those small opposites we can do add up. We cannot think or feel our way out of depression usually, but behaving our way out with actions impacts our thoughts and the feelings will also follow suit.

The trick is being consistant, and with practise it gets much easier to overcome and fight the urges to withdrawal from living. I always think in opposites when I feel depression coming and put it into action. I learned this in intensive therapy and it really has helped not only to get out of depression but to keep from going there. It is the same with thoughts, the ones you feed and entertain, give focus to will grow, and the ones you starve of attentention will wither away. We do have some choice about which we feed and which we starve.

I hope that might help you a bit too.

Mundfulness is an excellent thing for people in general and especially for people who are suffering. Look up Jon Kabot Zinn on you tube. He has many excellent videos on this as do others on this subject. That might be a huge help for you. It has help me so much.

I am not on meds either, but I use mindfulness, yoga, meditation, exercise, diet and perspective as my tools for wellness.

[supernova001]

Originally Posted by Anika.

Find a way to be around people if you have no peeps. I don't have them either and it is not easy to find friends. But get yourself somewhere where you have positive human interaction. For me this is yoga, plenty of warm friendly peaceful loving people for me to interact with there. Even when I go to a store I make effort to chat a bit to the teller and have happy interactions. I go to the same places often so they get to recognize you and know you a bit. Even those small interactions help. No you are not going to feel like going for a jog or a walk, but when the body is lethargic it often doesn't need rest but movement. Moving give us more energy, sitting give us more tiredness. It's hard to break out of that circle but it's the starting part that is the hardest. Lithium gave me little energy but once I started being more active I got more energy back.

When you feel depression approaching, remind and stay aware of doing opposites. It's not always easy, doesn't always feel good but it works. Your mind says stay in bed/couch..watch tv... opposite/ go for a jog around the block, move your body. You want to hibrinate, go somewhere and smile at a stranger, say hello in passing. Is there an interest you have that you could join up doing it with other people?

All those small opposites we can do add up. We cannot think or feel our way out of depression usually, but behaving our way out with actions impacts our thoughts and the feelings will also follow suit.

The trick is being consistant, and with practise it gets much easier to overcome and fight the urges to withdrawal from living. I always think in opposites when I feel depression coming and put it into action. I learned this in intensive therapy and it really has helped not only to get out of depression but to keep from going there. It is the same with thoughts, the ones you feed and entertain, give focus to will grow, and the ones you starve of attentention will wither away. We do have some choice about which we feed and which we starve.

I hope that might help you a bit too.

Mundfulness is an excellent thing for people in general and especially for people who are suffering. Look up Jon Kabot Zinn on you tube. He has many excellent videos on this as do others on this subject. That might be a huge help for you. It has help me so much.

I am not on meds either, but I use mindfulness, yoga, meditation, exercise, diet and perspective as my tools for wellness.

You are so very right. I guess i focus too much on the chemistry part and not enough on the behavior. I was recently in the hospital and made some friends there. Just being around them, laughing and having that social interaction really made a difference. I'm hoping to find a bipolar support group in my area, but so far haven't found any. I used to have a social life and friends, but the illness slowly turned me into a semi-shut in---well, at least when in depressed mode.

When i got out of the hospital a few weeks ago and out of the depression, i had all these plans and was intending to join a kung fu class, but then the extreme fatigue from the lithium set in and everything i started just came to a halt. I'm going to see my doctor tomorrow to talk to him about this horrible exhaustion....i don't know what he could do though since lithium was the only thing that worked to lift me out of the depression. I'm considering to ask him to switch meds, but i'm soooo scared of slipping back. Anyway, thanx so much for encouraging me and also for the utube links. I will look into it.