[dubblemonkey]

who knows ?...what goes on what goes on?

beneath behind above and beyond!

kinda' believe you and I do...

...and the mentally ill are like the ultimate human experiment of the Gods saved forever by the insanity angels who are likewise set apart huh?

oh yes indeed!!!

are they beautiful are they magnificent powerful and supreme at what they do?

...and they are so damn lonely terribly upset crying into heavenly pillows screaming glass shattering pain like a blistering fire breathing personal storm!

..so what to do with so much intellect like the utter absence of dis-knowledge causes the ultimate suffering as though pain had to even be looked up!

...how wonderful to imagine such graceful abandon!

and to exist in-between worlds with heart and mind twisted between the two like they do entangled identity strangled so much so! ...so damaged by the effort to "keep it together"

...so damaged so hurt
like it was on purpose this whole thing to hurt
why do I let myself feel pain at all like I expect it will ever subside if I set it free in my life will it let me be?

and knowing pain is feeling pain and knowing the pain is insane and understanding the insane is exactly the pain in my brain!

and ....I'm not alone

there are many!...the painful genius amongst us

dumbed down and weary...tired and teary ...wired and free to be
free to be me

free to be you

and I love you about that

[dubblemonkey]

...the battle of personal worlds is a very lonely fight for the desperate and the deliberately alive person!

my shaky hand rubs my head just to think cos it hangs onto my arm just like my feet hang on so tight to my legs knowing that I need them and even if they were not there at all I would squirm with insecure confidence to get to where I am going!

...and the faulty machinations... the disaster the mental calamity I am defies itself from within and powerful forces wake me up during day and nightmares just to remind me what a skull subterranean error confronts me every moment!

"I have achieved nothing but consume my cruel survival with bitter distaste"....says my brain to me my heart BREAKS!

like it didn't have a say...like it was silent all the time like it was the quietest thing alive like it was dead inside like it gasped and like it was useless!

but why treat myself with such disdain why neglect the truth that pumps blood through my terrible body my ugly hands and my ugly feet?

what hates inside me to break the best connection in life the agreement between the heart and the mind the ultimate bond the perfect contract written by God...the cosmic genius the supreme!

do I want to challenge the universe?

I am a beautiful galactic worm...tiny wriggling indefinitely

nothing hates me!....it's just my brain doesn't function too good!

oops

[dubblemonkey]

..almost even totally confused already!...almost totally refused already!

is there a relationship between the two?... or are they independant?

reality says..."hey you lot I am me and this is what I am and this is all this....it's all I got and it's everything this and that!!"

...bipolar says something too

..."hey this is me was me still me feeling you from both sides of what you reality fail to do the same as me I am not at your mercy no more you are just an obstacle to my peace!"

...the wicked toes crumbled the dirty land upon the touch
and the wicked knows the dirty hand just as such....untouched!

and my brain skates like a swan on drugs on the icefield of life!

hooting it's way with expensive crash helmet ...just a beak all sneak poking out in the danger to speak to sneak the beak...

sometimes airborne beautiful feathers ripped in the turbulence!

she is so graceful in such death defiance...the spiritual mental bird inside me...when alien male and alien female arrive together and combine the experience...

she is he was she? ...can he be she when she is me even when I am he?

...the bipolarity at the deepest human level

and the daredevil Godsend off it's face swan of life and death fumbles just in time to recollect how to navigate the now conflagrated icefield ...

landing like a baby....cool and calm...knowing nothing yet

[BlueInanna]

I was once a galactic zen glow worm grooving through time, munching vegan leaves of space. I didn't mind the darkness, didn't know anything else. But then I heard a noise an AUM vibration rung, I opened eyes I didn't know I had and saw you passing by. We smiled smiles we never knew, and had a THOUGHT hey I'm just like you. We circled round each other taking in this awesome sight. Then all the ideas started flowing, we became birds in flight. Everything was possible All was so much fun. But then we had this bad idea the human conundrum. Before we know it here we are stuck in this weird space. What to make of it how to survive, where's the fun to play and hide? What are all these things we store in our homes, what are these homes that feel so alone? I want to take it all off and run away. Pray to the starship please pick me up. Maybe Mt Everest I could reach it from there jump jump reach high become the galactic butterfly ready to fly. She'll swoop time and space with never a frown, bestow every blessing on earth to abound. No more suffering she'll say enough is enough. Time is now to play and create. Then we all choose our form and how it should be. Some players make stars, some swings and slides. Some slide like star snakes designing the sky. And I smile and fly, finally my wings, no grander a thing. Then fall on the moon some zen dreamtime thing.

[dubblemonkey]

...C sweetheart...thats some freaking amazing arrangement of words!!

just blitzed my brain entirely

I wish I was inside your head when you did that and you got me very close....

the more I say just undoes the brilliance right there...

so I better shutup!

the best thing about mental freedom is letting the accident happen

cos it will anyway