[sugahorse1]

Maybe it's the meds. Maybe it's my body shutting down from all emotions so as not to feel pain. Whatever it is, I don't feel comfortable. I am so tempted to "harass" friends to get some form of attention and not feel lonely. I feel like I am not ale to self-soothe at the moment.

[nannywoofwoof]

Sorry you are feeling bad. If only I had a magic wand I would solve everyone's problems. x

[manicminer]

((((((sugahorse))))) Good vibes headed your way

[sugahorse1]

Thank you. I just want to be in someone's warm, safe arms and be held. I know I'm being irrational, that I am ok, but I'm just not feeling it. Maybe my bottled emotions are trying to get out

[manicminer]

Originally Posted by sugahorse1

Thank you. I just want to be in someone's warm, safe arms and be held. I know I'm being irrational, that I am ok, but I'm just not feeling it. Maybe my bottled emotions are trying to get out

If you weren't half way across the world, I'd come wrap you up in a big ol' hug.

Not sure what riding does for you, but it sounds like some horse time is in order. Something to clear your mind.

you have us.

((((hugs)))))

[sugahorse1]

I am feeling physically ill and ice cold. I feel like I'm about to burst into tears.
I am so frustrated to slowly realize how few of my friends can actually put their own issues aside and be there for me. I do it; I care about others and am there for them, and thought it was normal. The few people I've tried to reach out to, have seemed to be too involved in themselves.
I haven't felt down like this for a while. I want to just climb back into bed and cry myself to sleep.

I even go into catatonic phases for a few minutes at a time. Maybe my emotions are bubbling over. Losing my grandmother and a puppy evidently isn't easy.

[nannywoofwoof]

It sounds like you are grieving. Feeling overwhelmed by sadness is something that is going to happen if you have lost both your Grandmother and your Puppy. So sorry for your loss.
XX

[Clinte89]

Sorry your having such a rough time. But I agree with miner sounds like some riding is in order. Cyber hug

[extremebipolar1]

Originally Posted by sugahorse1

I am feeling physically ill and ice cold. I feel like I'm about to burst into tears.
I am so frustrated to slowly realize how few of my friends can actually put their own issues aside and be there for me. I do it; I care about others and am there for them, and thought it was normal. The few people I've tried to reach out to, have seemed to be too involved in themselves.
I haven't felt down like this for a while. I want to just climb back into bed and cry myself to sleep.

I even go into catatonic phases for a few minutes at a time. Maybe my emotions are bubbling over. Losing my grandmother and a puppy evidently isn't easy.

dear sugahorse, I have only one "friend" that I talk to because of the same reasons. When I found this site I introduced my computer to my bf as my friends. I literally finally have people who understand and are there 24/7. Hang in there and if I could come to Africa then I would do so to come ride and we could both vent and clear our minds. I will be a true friend to you and listen anytime. I hope you feel better soon.

[faerie_moon_x]

I don't think it's irrational at all to need a hug! Physical contact and affection is a basic human need, just like food/water/shelter. You need hugs to live! Even back when I was in high school I learned that for mental healthiness you need to be touched 10 times in a day. Handshakes, pats on the back, hugs, bumps on the arm.... whatever that may be. And the more affectionate the contact the better!

And look at what they learned from the orphan babies in China all those years ago. Even if a baby is clean and well fed, it will die if not cuddled and played with. So, adults are the same way, I think. We are just taught to put up walls and have "personal space" all the time.

It sounds to me like you're starving for contact. I am sorry your friends are not there for you. I know how that goes with friends. They do say animals help, though. Like, patients in nursing homes do better with small pets like a cat or dog to cuddle with them. Or horse therapy, too. I know you love horses. But, not always the best replacement for a human hug.

[sugahorse1]

Thanks everyone. Have just got back from riding my horse. He was full of $hit and took a lot of patience until we were finally on the same page. After that he went like a dream.
I am starved of human contact - I need to get it more out of my bf. I took some Ativans today to cope.

[extremebipolar1]

Originally Posted by sugahorse1

Thanks everyone. Have just got back from riding my horse. He was full of $hit and took a lot of patience until we were finally on the same page. After that he went like a dream.
I am starved of human contact - I need to get it more out of my bf. I took some Ativans today to cope.

I love the feeling when you and the horse feel like one out in the open. I love that so much. Physically I am unable to ride currently so please enjoy and keep riding....you sound much better.

[faerie_moon_x]

Call your bf to come over and right when he walks in, tackle him to the floor! Trust me, he may be shocked but I bet he would like the surprise! Men are very good at expressing love in a physical way and that isn't a bad thing, really. He may not understand or process the "emotional" or "talk it out" side, but the physical side he will get that.

My husband may not always be able to understand when I break down crying for no reason, but he gets that I need to be hugged very tightly for no reason. I always run up and just suddenly am hugging him, even if he's sitting and I"m standing. And, after being alone (like physically alone) for so long being an only child, dad at work all the time, and no mom, I tend to be very huggy with my husband and kids because I was so starved for contact for so long.

[Trippin2.0]

I know I can't pop over to hug you, although I really wish I could, but please know you can Whatsapp me anytime to chat Jackie. Anytime, I mean it

I think tackling your bf is a good strategy at this point, hugs are definitly in order.

Please allow yourself to feel your feelings. I know this isn't easy for you, but you need to experience your grief in order to progress through it instead of letting it fester.

Ps. I have sucky unavailable friends too, so I completely get where you're coming from

[Victoria'smom]

Awe, I hope you feel better soon.

(((((((((suga)))))))))

Tackling sounds good! I so know what you mean about the hug thing... BF's been 3,000 miles away, so haven't had one since visit...a month and half ago. No physical contact of any kind since then, actually. He's coming back this week and I cannot cannot cannot wait. It does feel so very very good just to be held sometimes.

Glad you were able to get into the zone with your horse. I hope you get to feeling better soon, but do give yourself room to grieve as needed too, ok?

Alas they are cyber, but

[sugahorse1]

I crashed my car this morning after too many Atuvan, possibly. It was a pileup, so there were issues up ahead, but I've spent the whole sorting out paperwork, have a hire car, and am having an afternoon snooze cos I can't cope. I feel like an embarrassment to myself and society. I should never have OD, even though it was only 8 tablets

[Trippin2.0]

Are you alright Jackie??

[extremebipolar1]

Originally Posted by sugahorse1

I crashed my car this morning after too many Atuvan, possibly. It was a pileup, so there were issues up ahead, but I've spent the whole sorting out paperwork, have a hire car, and am having an afternoon snooze cos I can't cope. I feel like an embarrassment to myself and society. I should never have OD, even though it was only 8 tablets

Sugahorse, Why did you take so many? I hope your ok. Please contact me if you need to just talk. I will pray for you.

[sugahorse1]

Yes; it was basically a fender bender but the front was pushed in. It's been towered away! And I've organised a replacement vehicle. Slept 2 hours this after to try level out.

[sugahorse1]

I can't keep it together

[sugahorse1]

Can't stop crying. Left work at lunch time to come home and sleep and ignore the emotions.

[sugahorse1]

I've been having headaches/migraines the last few hours, and done a lot of sleeping. I'll be very proud if I make it through a full working day today.

I gave myself second degree burns on some fingers while cooking yesterday. I think I can cope without my thumb for now.
My bf is very unhelpful and very upset that I was using Ativan to numb my feelings. He threatened to leave me