[BlueInanna]

Laying in bed now but on edge, worried, need to sleep but mind won't stop. I took helper meds, but I have serious reason to be seriously worried. Business I've spent my life on is on the brink. I quit the smokes for almost a week, but bought a pack today and just want to smoke them all! I may be hypo but I need it, need super human money manifesting to get me out of this jam. I don't want to lose everything! Almost midnight and relax helper meds not yet working. If only I hadn't been ill, and my kids hadn't been ill, I would already have clean financials and bank loans worked out. I know I could've done better, I didn't do my best, or maybe I did idk... So much on the line and I want to make it happen, I just need a little more time to get the whole portfolio together... Ugghh why did I waste so much time, why couldn't have I just been smarter and more focused and on top of things? I have to wind down, calm down, sleep and wake up early, get kid to school, get to work and figure out financing solutions. I am not in a good position I can keep laying here ancy and wait it out, hope for fresh clear mind and solutions in the morning or get back dressed in warm clothes and go smoke the rest of the pack under the stars, maybe they'll help me manifest the cash... Oh gosh I need to make this work somehow, so much on the line. I've made it so far, young single mom on my own running an amazing business. I need magic mojo prayers money dances. There must be a way to fix this help! I must find an investor, a bank to believe in me, eeeks, help! I could try to stay up all night and work, but my brain malfunctions like that, I'm already mis-reading my name as Bananas! I am going bananas or just realizing I've long time been bananas!!!

[ajmich]

Anxiety is the worst! Somehow I can handle most of the other crap, deep depression, self consciousness, no energy... but when I get anxious, especially when it's that vague kind, you're uptight for no particular reason, I freakin' hate that sh**. Well you have my prayer, for what it's worth. Lousy time to quit smoking, eh? Just quit myself, 2 months ago, and did it all wrong (for a depressive). Killed off a pretty decent period of level mood, almost very good, not quite but hey, I wasn't complaining. Abruptly cutting out nicotine did me in, which I later learned is a known "thang".

Anyway you sure have plenty to trip those antsy wires, there's a domino effect going on here too, yes? Coulda shoulda woulda, etc. All to familiar to me. Don't beat yourself up, get mad but first remember that you've probably been here before, in this mood, and you got through whatever it was that seemed so crappy at the time... we tend to forget those "successes" ya know? Bring one back to mind, take yourself by the hand as if you were comforting a child, because you are doing that very thing... calm yourself with a memory of having come out the other side of some past troublesome event... breathe deep, listen to your breath, be aware of the intake/outflow... have a cig if it calms you, and rest. You'll figure it out. People give a hoot. Relax. Calm. Peace...

[BlueInanna]

I will try, thank you. It's been about an hour since klonopin & half an ambien, did nothing! Grrrr... Can't risk taking more this late cuz it could knock me out too hard and I could miss the wake up alarm. Yea this sucks! To the cig and the stars it is...

(((((hugs)))))

[BlueInanna]

I'm still up, working, organized the 10 months of accounting I'm behind on. I think I might get these financial statements done tomorrow if I can work the full day without interruption, find someone to pick son up from school. It's 3:20am and I have to get him up for school at 7am. I'm starting to feel tired and spaced out. Coughing from too many cigs. But I can do this, I have to. I don't know if I should attempt sleep at this point, might be too hard to wake up if I do. But 3 hrs sleep might help idk. I'm still stressed, worried, mind still going like trying to solve algebraic equations in a jumble. I've painted myself into a corner, waiting for paint to dry.

[dubblemonkey]

hallo Blue C...banana girl...

it's going to be ok honey...

I'm not good at love but you can have a rare moment of mine

[BlueInanna]

Thank you James, I do appreciate rare moments.
I had a soothing hot shower, scrubbed the bad smokey smell off me and snuggled in bed awake watching the clock. Wondering if my mind will slow enough to sleep or not. And wondering if I'll wake up for the alarm if I do fall asleep. Wondering if I will pull off the stellar miracle I'm attempting and wow the pants off the bank in time. I sure hope I can do it!

Blue, I know it might be costly, but have you considered having a CPA go over your work and make suggestions for regrouping and possibly saving your business and your financial status? They might find the loopholes for you that will bring things back in line.

Often, people who are gifted in creating, managing, and planning are not the ones who should be doing the accounting work and advising about what to do to keep things financially secure. I'd see one if you think it can help.

He might recommend consolidating some financial obligations and lowering interest rates and making it possible to borrow additional money until you get your business back on its feet.

There are answers for you, but you need advice from those gifted in the accounting field, in my view.

I've never experienced it, but I imagine that even declaring bankruptcy on
the advice of a certified public accountant might save you in the long run
because it could permit you to reduce drastically the amount of money you have to expend each month and that could give you time to recover the business. I'd ask for advice at this point.

Take care. It can be worked out for you and with your help.

[BlueInanna]

Thanks Gen, yes I have a CPA and with her rate of $500/hr I owe her over $12k which she is kindly letting me pay her back at $500/month for the time being. I need to finish my end of the journal entries so I can have her review and give me more adjustments to enter, then she can prep a pretty and official package for me to present to my prospective lenders. I'm in deep. Life got the better of me for awhile. But I'm still fighting for it. And yes bankruptcy lawyers are the next step if I can't make this work.