mixed state

Anybody on here experience a mixed state. It is crying spells, agitation, rage, feelings of hopelessness, paranoia, racing thoughts, impulsiveness, anxiety, feeling like a failure. Just bad all around.

I'm finding now that I'm out of it I have lost some memory. My family is like do you remember?....and I don't.

Anybody else go through this?

Yes, I've been diagnosed mixed state. I think I have agitated depression which is mixed mania (a form of manic-depression) since 14 and I've seen it in many relatives on my mother's side. I have had incredible racing thoughts over the last 35 years. I can be depressed and agitated and/or excited and/or racing at the same time. I have long history of treatment and tons of ADs (only one which I've had positive response to was paxil for several years), anti-psychotics, benzos, full series of ECT. Presently started ritalin which has eased my agitation which is my biggest problem. Been on lamictal since 2003 and has not done a thing (same with lithium). ADs can cause agitation and/or mania in some BP patients so be careful.

I have mixed states a lot. Or I cycle so fast I can't tell what's up from down any more.

How I feel is that my mind is racing so fast I can't hold on to my thoughts barely at all. I am extremely irritable and aggitated. I cry at the drop of a hat. I feel horrible, both kind of physical and mental feeligns. Like my arms are too heavy, my brain is all foggy, I can't focus on anything. I get so restless it feels like my bones are trying to jump out of my skin. I talk and talk and can't shut up. If I have an episode it usually consists of screaming in rage, crying my eyes out, and then if I don't get a proper calm down, I end up attacking myself... which I am not proud of but it's true.

I hate it.

I'm so sorry you live with this so often do u have a pdoc or T.

Yes. I am sometimes way up but irritated. Or depressed and anxious. I feel like crying. I lash out. I chew my fingers raw. I worry. I hate everyone and get pissed at the most trivial things. I feel rejected and worthless. I bounce. I count. I feel joy. i feel anger. i feel annoyance. I will freak out on my husband out of the blue. I can speed clean the house. Job search effectively. Be lazy. Do things so quickly i forget where ive put them. Have conversations I don't remember. I can go through all these in one day. It's frustrating not knowing what emotion is coming out next.

Yes, I get those. It is hell and I lose sight of it ever ending. It will end though.

If I were to place a bet on my own cause of death, a mixed state is definitely up there.