Will it ever get better???

Dear all,

Since May of 2011, I have been seriously struggling with Type I bipolar disorder. I was in and out of four mental hospitals from the time I was first diagnosed on New Years in 2012 until I was let out of my last visit ever, August 1, 2012.

I am writing this, because I am terribly frustrated... I cannot seem to be stable and healthy for more than a month or so since I had my first depressive episode in May 2011. My illness is like this, I get terribly depressed and sometimes suicidal. I use food and sometimes drugs and alcohol to cope with my feelings (although I'm 7 months sober in AA). I feel life is worth living after a life change (a hospital stay, new school, etc). I ride a good, stable wave for several months and I lose the weight. I finally reach or exceed my desired weight. Then, something happens and lose my routine. I get depressed after an event that really wasn't unexpected or big a deal at all. I eat and eat and eat.

That's where I am at right now. I thought I was over with my bipolar symptoms, but I guess not. At least I'm not drinking or drugging... But, I cannot keep gaining and losing weight. It's embarrassing. I used to play varsity college sports. It's hard to lose weight and I do not want to keep doing it my whole life. I need to learn how to manage my depression without using food to cope. It's a negative circle I get depressed, I eat, I get depressed because I get fat, I eat because I'm fat.

Will I ever be able to learn how to manage my depression without food? I used AA mainly for a food addiction, but now I can't. I relapsed in my mind, but on food, not alcohol.

ED's and bipolar are a hard mix. It will always get better or worse with our cycle until we learn to handle our cycles. are you in therapy? Does your pdoc know? Why can't you use AA? is there an EA in your area? Are you being seen by a nutritionist that deal with ED's?

First off, awesome job on being sober! I struggled with alcohol for a while and it's still hard not to revert to old habits. Second, my therapist told me that it can take months to years to finally figure out the right combination of prescription drugs and psychotherapy to manage your symptoms. I wanted to slam my face on the table when he told me that. I'm guessing from your post that you're not on rx drugs? Which I'm not judging because I'm totally still in that phase where I believe I can beat this out of sheer will, and the idea of being on meds for an undetermined amount of time scares the bejeezus out of me....I have noticed that being on wellbutrin xl has helped out my depression A LOT, though I'm still a work in progress.

in the words of kelly clarkson, " keep your head up, nothing lasts forever"

now if only i could believe that myself, i wouldn't have to post to all these websites.

Several things help manage food use as self-medication. Stop using wheat in your diet. (Read Dr. David Williams' best-seller called Wheat Belly.) As it turns out, wheat, rye, barley (and maybe oats) contain gluten, and gluten has a component in it called exorphins which act on the opiate centers of the brain, creating addiction that leads to demands every 2 to 3 hours for more wheat.

Stopping the use of wheat is less troublesome than stopping cigarette smoking, and it does help stop the over-eating because it stops the signals from the brain to eat more caused by exorphins.

Secondly, adding Omega 3 fatty acids is very calming for the system. I use Nordic Omega 3's because the flavor is pleasant and because they seem to work for me very well. (There are many other brands, though, that I feel are just as effective).

Finally, stop using sugar (if you can)! It's addictive,too, and for me is more difficult to stop than grains were, although grains raise glucose levels much higher than sugar does. Sugar has no nutritional value.

Keeping the fluids and tissues of your body in a slightly more alkaline state has remarkable ability to help your stability.

See sites such as http://www. AlkalineFoods.com or http://www.Acid-reactingfoods.com

Making those changes, if you wish to, will get you off to a good start to help you keep brain chemistry in better shape. It may even enable you later (only with your psychiatrist's permission) to lower the dosage of medications you will need to take.

Finally, try some meditation. Two little paperbacks have helped me along the way:
Keep It Simple and Forgiving and Moving On. The Hazeldon Foundation has a number of helpful publications that assist with giving insight into how to remain calm
and centered.

Good wishes on finding your answers. Stability is possible with self-concern and
dedication to better health.

I take plenty of meds.. 1200mg lithium, 15mg saphris, 75mg topamax, 1mg cogentin. seroquel as needed (which is rare).