[Melmo]

Long story short I dated this guy off and on over the last year, first time was 5 years ago. I broke up with him AGAIN last month because I felt bad for putting him through my issues and I knew I wasn't fit to be in a relationship. He just texted me saying he misses me and his life is boring and bland without me etc. I hate that I'm hurting him

[hamster-bamster]

In what ways were you hurting him?

You mentioned putting him through your issues. How did that hurt him though?

It is always nice to hear when somebody misses us, in my opinion.

[Darth Bane]

of course his life is boring without you... there is always something happening with you when you have bipolar... not always good or bad but life is eventful ....
i normally dont find myself caring if i am hurting others.... because already i am hurting so much due to this bipolar and all... i feel like that only when i am depressed... then i find whatever reason i could and keep beating myself with it.....

[Melmo]

I don't know I guess I felt like putting him through al this **** and breaking up with him over and over must hind of hurt and mess with your head.
I don't know what to do. On one hand I'm thinking that I shouldn't get back into a relationship because it just stresses me out, I am always anxious. When I am single, I am more calm, I guess I just prefer to be by myself. Being around other people takes more out of me, it's kind of exhausting. I also have basically 0 sex drive.
On the other hand, I kind of feel like I should try again because if I don't push myself to try being in a relationship, I won't ever have more kids (Which I really want) And I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, I do want to find someone. If I keep pushing guys away, I may never find anyone who will put up with me. PLUS...he's obviously patient...and says he will accept me no matter what.
Ugh...don't know what to do.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by JustWantToBeNormal

I don't know I guess I felt like putting him through al this **** and breaking up with him over and over must hind of hurt and mess with your head.
I don't know what to do. On one hand I'm thinking that I shouldn't get back into a relationship because it just stresses me out, I am always anxious. When I am single, I am more calm, I guess I just prefer to be by myself. Being around other people takes more out of me, it's kind of exhausting. I also have basically 0 sex drive.
On the other hand, I kind of feel like I should try again because if I don't push myself to try being in a relationship, I won't ever have more kids (Which I really want) And I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, I do want to find someone. If I keep pushing guys away, I may never find anyone who will put up with me. PLUS...he's obviously patient...and says he will accept me no matter what.
Ugh...don't know what to do.

You are very confused.

0 sex drive is your own problem. It does not hurt him, unless he is interpreting your 0 sex drive as something that has to do with him. If he is feeling somehow responsible for your 0 sex drive, this problem is solvable by your telling him that you are on medications, depressed, or whatever the reasons are, and making sure that he understands that he has no bearing or influence on those factors. Then it is up to him to decide what to do.

Your being introverted is your intrinsic feature which is neither positive or negative - it is your feature and you have to work with it. If you do not want to be with him because being with him exhausts you, then do no stay with him in order to save your energy, but be honest with yourself - realize that you are not with him because you do not want to exhaust yourself rather than because you do not want to hurt him. He is an adult man who is able to decide for himself whether he wants to spend his time with an introverted woman.

Basically at this time you are messing with your own head, so you are not ready to think about whether you are messing with his head or anybody else's head. You need to work with your own mind at this time.

Not that all of it has any practical utility, other than that in general being less confused would help you be less anxious, under any circumstances.

[Melmo]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

You are very confused.

0 sex drive is your own problem. It does not hurt him, unless he is interpreting your 0 sex drive as something that has to do with him. If he is feeling somehow responsible for your 0 sex drive, this problem is solvable by your telling him that you are on medications, depressed, or whatever the reasons are, and making sure that he understands that he has no bearing or influence on those factors. Then it is up to him to decide what to do.

Your being introverted is your intrinsic feature which is neither positive or negative - it is your feature and you have to work with it. If you do not want to be with him because being with him exhausts you, then do no stay with him in order to save your energy, but be honest with yourself - realize that you are not with him because you do not want to exhaust yourself rather than because you do not want to hurt him. He is an adult man who is able to decide for himself whether he wants to spend his time with an introverted woman.

Basically at this time you are messing with your own head, so you are not ready to think about whether you are messing with his head or anybody else's head. You need to work with your own mind at this time.

Not that all of it has any practical utility, other than that in general being less confused would help you be less anxious, under any circumstances.

YES, I AM confused. That was the point. Yes, I am messing with my own head...it's not that hard, I seem to do it all the time. I agree about being less confused will help with my anxiety. I think I really do need to stay single.

[Victoria'smom]

can't concentrate enough so this is off the OP. Hopefully it's reverent and I can explain well enough. It's not fair "I broke up... for putting him through my issues and I knew I wasn't fit to be in a relationship."

Lets see If I can say it properly. This should be fun. I've typed this in several old posts but can't find them. So m

You don't get to choose who your friend's date... right?
...Even if their Significant other's are jerks... Right?
You try to do special thing for your friend they are dating jerks so they know they're loved... right?

okay remember this

_____

Your ex is your friend.... right?
And you can't choose who your friends date... right?
He wants to date a girl that's a jerk at times (AKA you).... right?
You can't choose who ex dates remember he's your friend.
At times your friend's SO (you) turn in to a jerk.
You are not allowed to break up with friend's boyfriend's / girlfriend's for them no matter how much you don't like them right?
So your not allowed to break up w. someone "for there own good".
All you can do is the short times you realize your not being the nicest do a quick special thing to tell them you care and they are loved.

So your only allowed to break up with others for their mis-doings. At the same time you have to put into place a time limit so break-ups are not a spur of a moment thing.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by Darth Bane

of course his life is boring without you... there is always something happening with you when you have bipolar... not always good or bad but life is eventful ....
i normally dont find myself caring if i am hurting others.... because already i am hurting so much due to this bipolar and all... i feel like that only when i am depressed... then i find whatever reason i could and keep beating myself with it.....

It sounds here that you're using your disorder as an excuse to hurt others (you're hurting so who cares if you hurt others). I'm sorry you seem to later beat yourself up about it, but it goes without saying that you wouldn't have to go through that if you hadn't hurt people in the first place. I mean we all inadvertently hurt others sometimes, but I personally feel that using the excuse of one's disorder gets no one anywhere.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by ultramar

It sounds here that you're using your disorder as an excuse to hurt others (you're hurting so who cares if you hurt others). I'm sorry you seem to later beat yourself up about it, but it goes without saying that you wouldn't have to go through that if you hadn't hurt people in the first place. I mean we all inadvertently hurt others sometimes, but I personally feel that using the excuse of one's disorder gets no one anywhere.

That would have been a valid point in the presence of evidence pointing to OP's actually hurting others. So far it seems that she is simply conjecturing.

[Darth Bane]

Originally Posted by ultramar

It sounds here that you're using your disorder as an excuse to hurt others (you're hurting so who cares if you hurt others). I'm sorry you seem to later beat yourself up about it, but it goes without saying that you wouldn't have to go through that if you hadn't hurt people in the first place. I mean we all inadvertently hurt others sometimes, but I personally feel that using the excuse of one's disorder gets no one anywhere.

actually i never hurt anyone even if he/she is rude to me... i was comparing the pain i am feeling to the hurt other "normal" people(not as sensitive as me) are feeling.... normally others aren't thinking about you... they are thinking about themselves,caring about themselves... you don't matter much to them... "normal" people forget... so its actually foolish to care much about them...

and that second sentence wasn't much related to the first.... i am pointing out when i am depressed i will keep beating myself for stupid reasons... thinking if i have hurt anyone... whether i hurt someone or not is not at all important in this case... i wont need any rational reason blame myself for something...

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

That would have been a valid point in the presence of evidence pointing to OP's actually hurting others. So far it seems that she is simply conjecturing.

No, I wasn't referring to the OP --but because of that I probably shouldn't have said anything.