[Moose72]

My moms husband has been leaving bots about "load the dishwasher " and such- all printed and such on the counter. I find this extremely offensive.

[AeonDM]

Fine. But don't expect us to feel good about it.

Love,
The Dishes.

[BipolaRNurse]

Tell him to load the damn thing himself if he's so worried about it.

U got me.....I think the sis I don't get along with is passive aggressive. I will b looking on this thread for any responses AS well thanks for posting

[Meisjes]

Originally Posted by Moose72

My moms husband has been leaving bots about "load the dishwasher " and such- all printed and such on the counter. I find this extremely offensive.

leave notes back "yes I can see them" and carry on.

leave a smiley face with have a nice day.

"when would you like to do them?"

or just ask him to stop leaving notes cuz you find them offensive and you're capable of seeing that there are dishes on the counter. Its all part of working out the arrangement till everyone has settled into their niche if possible.

He's probably doing it to avoid confrontation, thinking his notes are a kind way of asking for your help. hopefully he's willing to do his share too.

[Moose72]

He's just an a.s.s.

[Meisjes]

ok hope you find a way to work through this. Can be rough. Good luck.

[AeonDM]

Don't fall into the guilt trap and don't play his game.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by AeonDM

Don't fall into the guilt trap and don't play his game.

You mean just ignore him? This involves my KIDS TOO which royally PISSES ME OFF!!!

[AeonDM]

No... don't play his passive aggressive game. Maybe volunteer a certain time or days you will do dishes...

Do it not for him but for yourself. You can give yourself many reasons why you do it for yourself, eg. like showing an example of responsibility so your kids learn responsibilities from you... kids pick up things from their parents, positive or negative.

[newtus]

i can understand someone i first meet being passive aggressive. but a life long relationship of that........... i cant stand it.....at some point i think people should feel free to be blunt about things....doesnt mean you have to say something in a condenscending tone or the other....but not beat around the bush type of behavior..........................

[Permanent Pajamas]

I'd ignore it.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Permanent Pajamas

I'd ignore it.

That's what I have done, so far. I just don't know what to do about the kids.We'll see if its there when I'm back. I've been out all day as the kids are with their dad this weekend.

[ultramar]

I think sometimes the best way to deal with passive aggressiveness is to confront them directly -which is exactly, unfortunately, what they are avoiding. If you're very angry about it, ignoring it might not be helpful and if you leave notes as well that would just be continuing the passive aggressive cycle.

You can start by asking him to stop leaving you notes.

[liveforfish]

My dad has done this for years. We just laugh at it now.

[Permanent Pajamas]

Ignoring it forces him to deal with it appropriately by speaking to her. Leaving notes is BS. Why should she have to take the initiative here? He is the person with the issue.

Ignore it.

[Moose72]

If I confront him he wants a fight.

[AeonDM]

Originally Posted by liveforfish

My dad has done this for years. We just laugh at it now.

Has he ever told you why he did it?

[BlueInanna]

Confronting the passive aggressive usually turn into a huge fight with them yelling or turning violent. People tiptoe around the passive aggressive person cuz they're like a bomb ticking to go off. I don't know how to deal with them either, my sister is like that, like I never know what I'm being set up for. Sorry he's like that Moose, too bad your kids have to be around it too.

[Moose72]

Think I'm living with evil incarnate. There's a note in the oven of all places now. He even picked up te one on the counter and put it back down like "here it is!!!" L
Lmao

[Permanent Pajamas]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Think I'm living with evil incarnate. There's a note in the oven of all places now. He even picked up te one on the counter and put it back down like "here it is!!!" L
Lmao

This is me talking.

I'd find some excuse to preheat the oven.

[~Christina]

You know, I have thought about this situation more. Sometimes we are put in a position that we don't like or find ridiculously stupid or even passive aggressive, Etc

Since there isn't a way for you to move and he must feel like it's "his" home , I think may need to have to bend more on this situation that you would like.

Maybe just take it upon yourself to load a dishwasher, clean a counter or sink run the Vaccumn... just all that stuff that is causing the problem..

If it were "me" I would just do XYZ without even being asked , maybe I would be furious at first but eventually maybe the pay off would be worth it in less stress ?

I don't know .. just a thought.

[Meisjes]

I'll be honest, I used to be the one leaving notes. Mostly my kids ignored them. Eventually I learned it was pointless and stopped leaving notes and asked them directly to do what needed getting done instead. Things still didn't get done but I learned to be more relaxed about it and I also learned how to be more assertive by using my words.

Don't know if this will work for your mom's h - same thing doesn't always work for everyone.

[faerie_moon_x]

I have an idea. Mabye this is evil, I don't know.

First, talk to your kids and make them part of the plan. Tell them that it isn't righ tof his to leave notes like that, and it's everyone's job to help out. Make a big chore chart and put it where everyone can see. Put yourself, your kids, and your mom and him on there, too. And then every week is someone's week to do dishes every night. Someone to pick up the living room. Etc. etc. Then, you and your kids follow along to the chart and see what happens when it's his turn....