[purpledaisy]

Last night was my turn to host a small group of acquaintances for dinner and a board game.

I always stress out for about a week prior to my turn to host. I make lists of what I'll serve, the ingredients for my shopping list, which stores I need to go to, I creat a to-do list for each day leading up to the event, and how much money I'll spend.

I worry about the menu. I change my mind several times. I look up new recipes. I buy the groceries. I draw how I will display the food in the serving line. I decide that I don't have enough choices for food. I tell myself I do have enough food and remind myself how much food was wasted last time due to leftovers.

So yesterday I did all this, then looked at the food and decided I didn't have enough for all of the invitees.

I went out and spent another $50 on groceries. Turns out, I didn't need to waste my money because so few people showed up. It's always a smaller party when it's my turn to host. I really think these people dislike me and they are the closest things I have to long-term friends, even though they are more like long-term acquaintances because of my crappy social skills and inability to keep friends (so I don't dive into anything deeper).

By the time people began to arrive, I was a nervous wreck. None of them are close friends, although we have been doing this for a few years.

I was really irritated last night. Not sure if I was able to hide this from my guests.

I got back from getting the last round of groceries, pulled my car into the yard by the back door to make it easier to unload, and I left my car there. Fine. It's my yard, so I can do that if I want to.

There is plenty of room to park in the driveway and on the street.

The first person arrived. I peeked out the window. She stopped in the driveway. I went back to putting finishing touches on the buffet line of food. I peeked out the window again.

She had driven into the yard and parked behind my car.

For absolutely no reason.

The next (and final) car arrived, with 3 guests inside.

She drove across the yard and parked behind the other car.

So I had zero cars parked in the driveway and zero cars parked on the street.

Now I have big ruts in the yard because the ground was wet.

I never dreamed they would all park in the yard.

I never thought I would need to say, "Be sure to park in the driveway or on the street when you get here."

However, on the email invitation, I did state that there is plenty of parking available, we can go two cars wide and two cars deep in front of the garage if we need to, and there is room to park on the street.

It just really annoys me and seems disrespectful to do this.

On top of that, two of the guests voiced their disappointment in a couple of dishes that I made.

They quizzed me about the ingredients. "What is that funny taste?" And said they don't make these recipes that way.

So, at one point, I said, sarcastically, "Please feel free to submit your special dietery needs prior to the event." The just laughed. People think I'm funny when I'm lashing out.

Now I'm in a pissy mood and annoyed at the world.

[Chupacabra]

Originally Posted by purpledaisy

.

On top of that, two of the guests voiced their disappointment in a couple of dishes that I made.

They quizzed me about the ingredients. "What is that funny taste?" And said they don't make these recipes that way.

So, at one point, I said, sarcastically, "Please feel free to submit your special dietery needs prior to the event." The just laughed. People think I'm funny when I'm lashing out.

Now I'm in a pissy mood and annoyed at the world.

First off- I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way! And second- I totally identify. I get so worked up trying to put forth the energy preparing for & trying to hold it together for others. Then I think I secretly resent them for it. So becoming quite irritated, I get.

But I quoted all of that- because that was rude as h-e-double hockey sticks!! Who does that?! I would never go to someone else's home, eat their food that they prepared for me, and have the cojones to put down their cooking!

Yeah, I'd be pissy too. Sending a hug.

[Secretum]

You sound like a pretty intense perfectionist. I know that it is hard, but you need to let it go. You can't enjoy yourself if you're worried about tiny little details constantly. And the point of a dinner party is to have a good time and enjoy each other's company, not to serve/eat perfectly prepared dishes and marvel at how clean the house is.

[Melmo]

Im sorry, I would be annoyed too :/
It reminds me of a quote I saw on Face book once that said "People think I'm funny, when in fact I'm just really mean." Made me laugh.
Hope you feel in a better mood soon.

[purpledaisy]

After the first person parked in the yard and came in, I was too wimpy to just ask her to move.

I'm mad at myself for being a wimp.

She was sitting down, watching me put out the cute, color-coordinated paper plates, napkins, and cups, when the second car arrived. I looked out the window and said, to the one sitting inside, "You know what? I'm kind of concerned about the wet ground and these cars making ruts in the yard."

I don't own my house. I rent from a relative, who pays for the yard to be taken care of and a lot of money has been spent to fill in spots and even out the yard so you don't twist an ankle by having a foot slip into one of the small holes as you walk.

So I continued, "____ (relative) is not going to be happy about these ruts. And ____, who lives across the street, will probably tell (relative) that I had guests who parked in the yard."

I was hoping this guest would apologize, grab her keys, go outside to move her car, and then the second driver would then see the error of her ways and move, as well.

Nope.

She said, "Damn her. Damn that nosy neighbor. As if it's any of her business. She doesn't need to run around and tell (relative) anything about what you do over here."

And so she sat.

Then the other guests in the second car came on inside.

At that point, I figured the ruts were already carved into the mooshy ground. Whether they backed out NOW or in a few hours, the damage was done and would be the same amount of damage either way.

So I kept my mouth shut.

I thought about saying something.

Today, I've thought about how I could possibly bring this up with these people. Would it even matter? What would I say? What would I hope to accomplish?

I can't think of anything to do other than when it's my turn to host next time, be clear (which I thought I was doing in the first place) and tell them where to park.

I don't want to rock the boat.

I don't want to lose these acquaintances. It's too difficult to start all over.

I suppose I'd rather have somewhat-friends who put ruts in my yard rather than being TOTALLY all by myself 100% of the time. I mean, I see these people once or twice a month for a couple of hours. That's it. No phone calls, no sharing of secrets as friends do, no relationships being built, no being invited to birthday parties or family events.

I don't have those kinds of friends.

Purple Daisy, how in the world did you meet these "friends"? They are not your friends, frankly. Their rudeness is just gross, and they aren't too swift intellectually, either. They should know better than to drive across someone's lawn or to be critical of your recipes. That's just
uncalled for.

I would make sure that I found other friends who are consideratve and kind. They are out there, and you're knocking yourself out to please a crowd, not a group of friends.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

You don't need to start over. Just get into a group at a small, friendly church and
get to know a few of the pleasant, quiet people who are considerate and thoughtful.
That will easily work for you with your sensitivity, and you will proably fit right in.

You don't deserve to have anyone treat you like this. This group just doesn't know
how to be friends. They're competetive, critical, rude, and ignorant. You far surpass them in your efforts and attempts at friendship.

Forget them and get new and good friends; you deserve good people on your side.

What you describe is almost unbelievable.

[bluemountains]

I am sorry that these events are so stressful for you, purpledaisy. Perhaps it is time to stop being a part of this social group if you really don't enjoy it.
As for the rudeness with the yard, my personality is a bit different, because I would have asked that the cars be removed, explaining that the yard could not handle the weight destruction of the cars.
The bottom line is that you only owe it to yourself to be in comfortable situations. I very seldom have guests at my home because entertaining is stressful for me as well.
Only my very good friends (quite a low number!) are allowed to enter my home. These are the ones that I wouldn't mind telling to move their cars, and they wouldn't care if I asked!
Bluemountains

[~Christina]

Sorry this happened

yeah people can be real jerks sometimes. when it's my turn to be with someone, they just go let's join another group or never mind.

[Dgs2011]

If friends annoy you to the point you have to vent about them in an forum, I think you should distance yourself from them for a while. I have a friend that has been very negative for a while and I just can't get myself to respond to her emails. I will at one point confront her about these issues, but for now distancing myself sounds better as there's plenty of other stress related issues at hand that I need to deal with. Good Luck!

[Darth Bane]

Originally Posted by heyitsme7

yeah people can be real jerks sometimes. when it's my turn to be with someone, they just go let's join another group or never mind.

sometimes? they are like hyenas attacking and eating weak member of herd. if you try to be nice to them,be polite,work hard to make them happy they think you are weak. and then they start demanding more and being mean as if world wont survive without them.

[purpledaisy]

Here it is, Thursday again. Tomorrow will be a week since the incident where I hosted and felt like I could do nothing right.

I have felt even more like a hermit than usual this week because of last Friday night.

I've taken one shower since then. Just one.

Now I'm sitting here trying to think back on the week to determine whether I've had any interaction with human beings.

Nope.

Not unless you count telling someone my order at a drive-thru.

It just seems weird to spend most of my time alone, although it didn't bother me that much prior to my son moving out. I guess that's because I saw him each day.

It's lovely to think that I could die over here and no one would notice.

[BlueInanna]

First off, sorry these people have treated you like this - total jerks.

Secondly, This stuff would make a pretty darn good sit-com series Purple... you could make some money off this. The visuals of these ladies parking on your lawn... then sitting on her *** not moving her car... criticizing the food... then there is the weekend at Bad Bernie's episode... the naughty cat episode... the son's girlfriend and birth control episode... I could see it turning into seasons of shows! write it, sell it! Head for Hollywood baby!

[purpledaisy]

Dang it.

Don't send me off on that wild goose chase.

Since I was a little kid, I've thought, "When I grow up, I'm going to Hollywood to find fame and fortune."

Never did it. Never had the nerve.

Forgot about a lot of the dreams that I had when I was a kid. Then a few months ago, I ran into someone I had been BFFs with in junior high. We chatted for a few minutes.

She said, "Did you ever become a writer?"

Yes.

She said, "Did you ever become a cast member on 'Saturday Night Live'?"

Nope. I had forgotten about that one. Sure, it's NYC instead of LA. But the dreams were there long ago.