[Trippin2.0]

Where to begin????

Ex SIL is still in our lounge and I am sO proud of myself, I have not throttled her (yet), even though she continues to be a nuisance with her "your highness" attitude and acts like we are the vagrants in her house!

EG. She told my mom that my cigarette smoke "affects" her and makes my nephew cough!

My mom politely told her that I smoke in my room (coz I'm the only smoker, I do respect the non-smokers) and she will NOT tell me to go smoke outside after I've been comfortably smoking here for 9 yrs! Also my mom pointed out that nephew's cough started AFTER she started putting him in time-out in our backyard AFTER he's been bathed!

Well that shut her up pretty quickly!

Work is good, but tiring since we have new hires, I'm still expected to carry out my telephonic obligations, but I have alot of admin and Training assisting to do, so I'm kinda spread thin at work, but its not horrible or anything. Just exhausting.

Family is ok, mom is really stressed though and wants "brother dearest" to move that lady out.

Lovelife is blossoming at a much faster pace than I had the audacity to hope for Bf is back to his usual old smitten with Ophelia self, and he is actively trying to be less guarded. Verbally he's not there yet, and that's ok, I need to earn his trust back, but I can see him trying and his actions speak loudly and super clearly!

Jordan... my daughter is the "problem" area, *gasp* real plot twist hey folks? I know you never saw that 1 coming!!!

She has started resenting me for her fatherlessness, even though she doesn't know the words to describe it. I see it oh so clearly.

She gets mad when her friends talk about their dads and gets sad after weekends with her Godfather (BIL) and cousins.

Which leads her to insulting me and putting me down, dissing things I do for her as "not good enough" or crying fits about how bf should have been her dad, that I did that daddy part all wrong...

I've spoken to her and told her that I demand respect, that even though she hurts me deeply, I'm soft on her because I know she's dealing with alot of hurt and loss, but that she cannot be insulting and condescending. She apologized and said she doesn't often think before she speaks, and will be nicer.

She is being nicer, but its Easter weekend, which means family time. Which means seeing all her cousins with their dads... I'm not looking forward to Monday!

Idk what to do, so far the only advice I got from my sister and aunt (who had the same issues with daughters) was that it was all fixed shortly after they got married to other men. I cannot wait for such things that may or may not happen!

On the plus side EX SIL has pushed up my blood pressure considerably, its the first time since I was 14 that it is now within normal range!

General comments and advice on 9 y.o daughers who hate their moms are most welcome

[~Christina]

Hey !

I am so happy things are going well albeit stressful, You are handing it all very well

Oh the joys of an angry child I think she most certainly has to be respectful to you. Of course shes upset and angry, but she can talk to you about it. Just keep talking to her about the reality of things , Yeah Kids understand more than we think. Sneaky things they are lol

You are a fabulous Mom, Don't ever doubt that

[BlueInanna]

I think you're doing great with her too. I'd say just keep talking with her, listen because while she's talking she is processing the hurt, agree with her that she misses having a dad and it's hard to see others with their dads. Keep her in line with proper manners like you are doing. Oh the joys of parenting

[bluemountains]

Hey Trippin,
It sounds like your mom is handling the drama pretty well, yeah!
As for your sweetheart, Jordan, unfortunately (or fortunately most of the time) our children are the ones who can expose our deep love and what that means. You are going to have to toughen up, because I believe this is going to be her "go to" when she gets angry or upset. Yes, we all want the Brady Bunch family, but that is not reality, so just take it when she is upset that she has no dad. (Btw, you are allowed to cry a bit behind closed doors!) How many of us really have the perfect family, anyway? I am guessing very, very few of us here.
Meanwhile, I hope that you and your mom can relieve yourself of this bee..utch soon. Enough is enough, and by the way, you are hanging in there pretty well!
Bluemountains

[faerie_moon_x]

You're a good mom, sis. What your daughter doesn't realize yet is that you are a good mom for not just jumping into some marriage that was wrong perhaps staying with someone who would have been toxic for both of you. It might take a while, but someday she will understand, I think. Because you're a good mom and not a bad mom.

Plus, she's 9. She's starting to hit the pre-teen age. I started seeing it in my 10 year old when he was 9. He's half way to 11 and I am starting to see a teenager coming out in his face, not a little boy any more. This is a scary time for us moms, sis. This is when our little guys and gals start changing on us. I think I'm lucky because my 10 year old is such a nerd, so my first one will be easy. (He was always the easy one.) My 6 year old, though.... I've got to make him sweet and lovey now because he's already a rebel. Ack!

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks for the responses gals
So far so good with Jordan,haven't had the need to have a talk and honestly I don't want to bring it up if she's not being bothered by it atm...

My weekend has been way too bpd, with bf busy with work and family obligations I've been more miserable than I'd like to admit.

Looking forward to work Tuesday Who would have thought???

Pre-teen / teen scares the shyt out of me, I'm not prepared at all

Thanks again ladies, its appreciated

My son is 17 its scaring the hell out of me too.

He went and stayed with his dad for a week and a half. Since he's been back he is hanging with friends and not me as much. He's a late bloomer I guess but I thought we would always be really close. He's pulling away from me, but he's almost a man. I need to let him fly.

If I had a daughter I think it would be more difficult bc oh I'd be so worried. You are handling it well. . Its hard to see when we're in the middle of it though.