do we really know what 'full on' is?

...and can the thoughts establish?
move faster than the drips of pain!?

out of my eyes I don't know why I am so damn upset!...I can do this for days...

I just want to die like this I cannot cope otherwise!

I know nothing but "this and That"

before ever people knew illness!...

I was already sick!...

really damn sick...

like kill me and them sick!

troubled ...and very very anxious about it.!

like MAN!....this aint freaking normal!...I want to die and kill you too!

take me far away from myself and all that does is bring me closer to you!



I walk the streets...I recognise nobody...they are all dead!

how come my mates lied to me...

I never lied to them!

I promised to stick around!..

idiots went and died....sure I even tried to hurt them so bad were they bad yes!
how come they were allowed to go?
I was far worse than them....idiots took too many drugs....has to be deliberate...!

I have sadness and misery....

but hell!

surely not an accident...I can't do that!..

I tried ...

I hate my best mates they beat me to it...killed my love for them...it's not fair...

to leave me here....

after all the idiot complaints!??

why?...how come I am so functional?

I hate being the only one left?

all my efforts have been to no avail!

...and the monkey is still here

Now, now mankey man. Sounds like you're stuck in a heck of a negative thinking rut.

You don't wanna die, you just want relief. And I appreciate how much getting your feeling down in type or print can be a relief.

So if it makes ya feel better, keep it up. NOt sure I can speak for everybody, but I fully understand where you are coming from. Might just post a bit of my dark poetry.

BEst wishes and good luck. You doin ok? Been a super-d-duper poster lately.

I'm sorry your friends left you, ... I feel betrayed by someone who took her life and left me without a grandma, left my poor dad to identify her remains... I feel sad for her but angry too and I never even got to meet her, maybe I am her, maybe that's why I know I can't do that in this life, maybe that's why I don't like trains & rollercoasters. Idk, this probably doesn't help you feel better - nothing can really help, cuz you can't change what you've just beeen through, and then the friends before him. I don't know what I'm saying...