Speed, are things a little better today?

I hope you're feeling better, Speed, and that things are beginning to ease up a bit for you. We're all thinking about you and hoping you are able to do more each week.

Keep following the Devotional messages if they help.

Take care.

I agree. I hope you're doing better and keeping you in my thoughts.

Speedy

Thinking of you too Speed

Oh,

It is 11 am and I am thinking if I should call my PDOC.

My childhood and best friend came over yesterday, not announced. This was the first time since Jason died. I was a mess, in PJ's with my hair all messy. The house is a disaster.

I am so depressed I just could not really talk to her.

After she left it was my worse time of day (for some reason I have not figured out). I thought my husband will be home in a few hours. He will go sit in the sun room have his three fingers of scotch, ask me what is for dinner. Yell at me because I have no idea.

The rest of the night he will sit out there and I will sit in the living room. Then I will go to bed.

Around 3:00 pm I took 100 mg seroquel, 6 mg of Ativan, 100 mg of Benadryl. An a small overdose of my high blood pressure med, cattapres. I take one at dinner, I took 8. I went to bed. I pretty much knew 8 would not kill me. But I did not care if it did. I really do not know why I did not take the whole bottle.

You guys are the first to know this. PLease don't call the police.
I am thinking about calling my PDOC and telling him. But in all honesty, I don't think he will care. I have no desire to get dressed and go to the ER. If my husband finds out he will be pissed off, I think.

I am not a hot weather person, it is going to be 87 today. Last week it was in the 40's.

I just want to cry and cry.

Please be safe Speed, I'm thinking of you <3
Please call your pdoc, or find someone who will listen.

Your pdoc hasn't been there for you recently. Do you have a GP you could call instead? Maybe get a referal or something, I don't know. You need even just one person to be there for you for real.

You need a support system right now. And, you're not getting it from the people you depend on most. I wish I could just send you a dozen angels right now to take care of you until you're through this darkest time.

Please stay safe, Speed. I know you think right now you have no purpose. But, I think you do. Our purpose isn't always clear, especially in the midst of tragedy. I always asked "Why was I put here with a mom who was going to leave me, when I needed her so much?" I still don't have that answer 20 years later. But, perhaps I won't know until after it's completed and I move to the afterworld. And, I think that's true for everyone.

It's not fair that you lost Jason. It's not. And, it's okay to be in pain. It's okay to grieve. This may just be a forum, but we're here for you. Be safe.

My GP is friends with my PDOC. I met him about 10yrs ago when he was one of the medical docs on the Psyc floor, he doesn't do this anymore. I just cancelled an appt. with him for the 3 rd time on Monday. He is harder to reach than my PDOC, he is in a very big practice. He would always refer any Psyc issues to my PDOC.

Yes all my normal supports have scattered away from me. I can't help but think this is a message. The last few days I felt my mothers presence, I can't ever remember feeling this. She seems to tell me it would not be a bad thing to join her and Jason. I get a peaceful feeling when she says this. The way I am living is so horrible and truthfully useless.

I am being honest.... NO POLICE PLEASE... PM me if you feel like you are worried, I will answer you.

Please don't make me regret being honest.

I don't know, maybe your mom is trying to protect you and let you know that someday you'll join her and Jason, but not now.

I don't know, either, Speed. I just hope you keep that good head on your shoulders and continue to fight the good fight.

We're all thinking about you and sending prayers up for your recovery.

Find a new GP.

Find a new Pdoc.

Why do you keep taking these small overdoses?

Speed, I cannot begin to think of your pain. But I need to urge you to hang in there, because you do have a purpose. I know it may be hard to see right now, but have faith. You are on this planet for a reason. Sure, in time you will be with Jason and your mom. In the mean time, we need to find our purpose and hold tightly onto it.

I didn't start this thread!! If you don't want me to answer don't ask.
1. No I like him
2. easier said then done, unless you want to do it for me
3. No ones business

Hugs Speed.
I really can relate. You've had a really tough time. I hope the professionals out there that are meant to be helping you can come to the party.
You are welcome to PM or email me