[BlueInanna]

Yelled at me by my drunk genius 17 yr old. He's mad we don't have a lot of food, he's mad I bought carrots. I'm grumpy just got out of bed to go pick his stranded *** up from town. I reminded him I've helped him out and please be nice. I said I just don't have money. I give money when he does extra chores, he spends on pot alcohol cigarettes. I want him to turn 18 already and move out. Then he says he'll hang himself before he has to turn 18. ... I work more hours than anyone I know, but can't pay myself right now which happens when you own a business sometimes. He's a child he doesn't understand, he is so verbally abusive to me, at least it's no longer physical. Then next thing he'll say he loves me and he's sorry he's drunk. He wants to hang himself and I bit my tongue because cant let him know I'm on the same edge.

He is terribly immature, I'm in a living hell. I want out, there's no way out. I want to be appreciated for how hard I work and having never received any child support. I want out I want it over. But it's not an option... Moving towns sounds more and more like the solution.

I just needed to vent maybe get a hug. Please respond if you've been through this too, I feel so lost and alone.

Please do not respond if you're one of those who's not a parent yet likes to tell poor troubled moms they've not done well at parenting. I hate how judgmental people get on here lately, it doesn't help us.

My rage is bad right now I'd like to burn my house down and drink a bottle of wine, but I'm in bed and trying to ride it out and process these bad feelings.

[Victoria'smom]

Blue I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner. Please no more cash for him have him write stuff he wants and use that for thanks but you need to keep as much $ as you can right now. Explain to him that picking him up at 4 in the morning does not help (when he's calm) and you are trying your best and doing a damn good job at it. Remember he's self medicating sounding more on the edgy up side but do not take anything except "I love you" to heart. I want to write more but am being told I have to at least wait in bed until the sun's up I will PM you before the end of tomorrow. You are a great mom!

[dubblemonkey]

...C

[faerie_moon_x]

You are a great mom. Anyone who says otherwise is ignorant. You've survived more with one kid than most moms will have to deal with from all their kids put together.

As you said, at least he's not physically abusing you any more. One step forward, at least. That gives me hope about him, actually. I think he's just in that "I know everything" stage, I went through that stage.

I agree with MM, though. Make him give you a list of things he wants and when he's done well, then buy him the thing instead of giving him the cash. Let him know straight up that you're not paying him to buy pot or alcohol or anything like that. If he wants cash, then yeah, get a job. Maybe keep the conversation on hold until you're both calm, though.

[winter4me]

If he is addicted, he is sick, (I am a mother, and grandmother, was a sister...) and it is his illness screaming at you---I wish I could say, "Get him into an inpatient treatment center" and think it possible in the system we now do not have...
You would not be doing him or yourself a disservice by getting yourself calm enough to give him a time frame to move out...he may harm himself---he may not, he is obviously terrified of growing up and not having your support, but you cannot let it be okay to be treated badly. The hardest thing is to set the limits, to respond instead of reacting, to not retaliate, yet to not back down. A parent cannot expect gratitude although it may come in time. My concern is, he is sick...I would not give him any money under any circumstances, shelter, food, an ear to hear when he is not abusive, he can "get a job" (or, unfortunately, steal etc) if he wants more...it could be the best thing you do for him is to do as little as possible while maintaining your humanity and acknowledging his.

I hope blessings just rain down you from out of the blue today.

[BlueInanna]

Thank you for the caring suppoort, hugs and pm's

I knocked myself out with several klons, and slept some. No alcohol, still no cigs (can't afford to buy any anyway ha fml). But I'm proud that I accomplish that amidst this living hell.

I need to move to town. The kid relies on me for a ride anywhere, we live up a highway in the woods, 20 min drive from town, no public buses, hitch hiking is illegal and unsafe, he doesn't have many friends. I'm his only source for transportation.

He needs to get a job. We got the paperwork signed off by his teacher so he can now legally work under age 18. If we live in town, he can get to a job on his own.

Problem with town is getting the money to move in somewhere, first, last & deposit, and credit checks, and finding new homes for my animals. Dog & 5 cats, 2 chickens. But an apartment will only allow 1-2 pets. It will be hard on me and the kids to have to choose between our pets, impossible really. The chickens we could possibly eat, because we are getting that hungry.

I will miss my beautiful house and land here, the trees, the veggie gardens, the fresh eggs... oh well it's time to move on. My neighbors hate us and the feeling is mutual so that part will be nice to get away from as well.

Youngest doesn't want to move, he's scared about trying to make new friends. He'll be going into middle school next year, and I don't blame him - kids are cruel. Maybe there's something summer camp in town I could sign him up for so he can meet some kids in sports before jumping straight into class in September.

There have to be solutions i'm just not seeing them all yet. Back to bed now, I'm very tired.

[~Christina]

Blue

Great advice has been given. My heart breaks that your home, your home that is suppost to be your safe haven is just not that right now. Maybe moving is the answer ? but maybe it is not? Who knows if he will get a job and keep it for any lenght of time, job money would most likely go right into drugs.
I agree with others just don't give him any cash. You don't have the funds for anything more than the basics ... I know Pride is a huge thing to get over at a time like this... Contact your local food banks and churchs. They can at least give you food , that would have to help right now.. I know pride, But hey I was in a spot once and they got me through a time that I had no other options.. Once I got back on my feet .I went there and helped them collecting food for others that needed it.

Reach out with an open heart

I am glad you were able to get some rest. Please try to do some self care during these trying times.. Go outside day or nite and just sit , just sit and allow the good in this world to surround you and rest your heart body and soul.

Always here for you.