[hmbfam]

I've been sober for 2 years, and it was not until I was diagnosed bi polar 2 and put on meds that I can really see what a disaster I made my life. I lost all of our money not working and fighting two dui's, I now also see how wild my behavior was over the last 5 years. I had the perfect job and loved it, lots of money, now I have nothing and two kids I have to take care of. Here is the thing, when people get sober they look back and think of how much better it is now. I can't make sense of how I got manic from ssri's and ruined my life. My life is not better than it was, it's worse now from losing the job and all the money. I'm sane and my mood is fine, but I'm 40 and have ruined my future. I'm just living in misery. Sorry its a bumber, but it's true.

[~Christina]

I'm sorry you have gone through all these things ...
I'm sure that you will get responses from other people that have gone through the same issues.

I don't think you ruined your life. Everything can improve given time and self forgiveness.

[manicminer]

What happened, happened. No changing that now. But that doesn't mean you can't get it all back.

I know times are tough for everybody, but with hard work, perseverence, and a positive outlook, there's no limit to what you can accomplish with all the time you have left.

Set attainable goal and strive to live every day to the fullest and make today better than yesterday and tomorrow even better than today.

Best wishes and good luck.

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by hmbfam

I've been sober for 2 years, and it was not until I was diagnosed bi polar 2 and put on meds that I can really see what a disaster I made my life. I lost all of our money not working and fighting two dui's, I now also see how wild my behavior was over the last 5 years. I had the perfect job and loved it, lots of money, now I have nothing and two kids I have to take care of. Here is the thing, when people get sober they look back and think of how much better it is now. I can't make sense of how I got manic from ssri's and ruined my life. My life is not better than it was, it's worse now from losing the job and all the money. I'm sane and my mood is fine, but I'm 40 and have ruined my future. I'm just living in misery. Sorry its a bumber, but it's true.

You can see your past. Your future is yet to come, you have not ruined it---you have two kids to care for who need you sane and in a good space, you can do wonderful things for them by just being healthy and promoting their health...and by acknowledging what happened to you...don't forget you were ill, you were not able to see where you were for a long time---now you can. It hurts, but this is your time, your opportunity. hugs to you and the kids.

[middlepath]

Go easy on yourself. When you KNOW better, you DO better! You can't beat yourself up over the past. At least this is what I have been trying to tell myself, too : ). hugs to you and your kiddos.

[Victoria'smom]

Look everyone has really dark spots in their pasts. It doesn't matter your past or the person you where in the past. Who you choose to be right this second matters. Yes morn you losses but never let past f'ups destroy your opinion of yourself. You don't learn by guilt. Money, and things can't matter because they are things that fluctuate. Faith (whether in god(s) or humanity), family (depends) and self worth are really all we can count on.

It matters that you are trying especially to your children. As children may not enjoy growing up in poverty. As an adult to know your parent loves you unconditionally (we have to love unconditionally to accept ourselves) and they tried everything to be the best person / parent for you despite all their own issues is more than any person can for growing up. Focus on your kids, and yourself everything else changes with our moods and that we deal as it comes with the help of therapy.

You might not like to hear this, but the quality of your future has little to do with your career, even less to do with money. If you can feed your children and give them a place to sleep, I would try not to worry. We live in a sick world where status and money are the stuff we're supposed to fill our lives with. But that is not rational at all.

[catsrhelm]

You are in the mist of a situational depression. Once the situation improves, your mood improves.
So, are you looking for a job? Are you thinking of volunteer work? I just pray that you are doing something to improve your situation.

Originally Posted by hmbfam

I've been sober for 2 years, and it was not until I was diagnosed bi polar 2 and put on meds that I can really see what a disaster I made my life. I lost all of our money not working and fighting two dui's, I now also see how wild my behavior was over the last 5 years. I had the perfect job and loved it, lots of money, now I have nothing and two kids I have to take care of. Here is the thing, when people get sober they look back and think of how much better it is now. I can't make sense of how I got manic from ssri's and ruined my life. My life is not better than it was, it's worse now from losing the job and all the money. I'm sane and my mood is fine, but I'm 40 and have ruined my future. I'm just living in misery. Sorry its a bumber, but it's true.

______________________________________________________

From out of the blue, may showers of blessings rain down on you today.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by hmbfam

I've been sober for 2 years, and it was not until I was diagnosed bi polar 2 and put on meds that I can really see what a disaster I made my life. I lost all of our money not working and fighting two dui's, I now also see how wild my behavior was over the last 5 years. I had the perfect job and loved it, lots of money, now I have nothing and two kids I have to take care of. Here is the thing, when people get sober they look back and think of how much better it is now. I can't make sense of how I got manic from ssri's and ruined my life. My life is not better than it was, it's worse now from losing the job and all the money. I'm sane and my mood is fine, but I'm 40 and have ruined my future. I'm just living in misery. Sorry its a bumber, but it's true.

(((hmb))) I can relate. I'm almost 40, and to be standing at this age, looking back at how bad I've messed up my life does not feel good, to say the least. I too used to be successful financially, kept the house and kids in order, but the past 5 years - knocked down over and over. Bad bad choices, hypo/maic mayhem choices. Dark depressions instead of taking care of business. Can't change it. Life sort of passed me by, ran me over. So today, I'm with you ... in misery. It's a beautiful day - I'm just down the coast from you - but I'm not getting out of bed today, I'm not well and need to rest, I won't be answering calls unless from my kids or my mom today. This is the best I can do today. My main job today is staying alive. Hope a day soon that you and I both will feel better.

[hmbfam]

Thanks to everybody, this really helps