[WrongEverything]

So... Hi. i'm new here...

I made this name a while ago... and i know the feeling.. but it doesn't make sense at the moment.

I was diagnosed depression at 17, bipolar at 20, and schizoaffective -bipolar type at 21 by a shrink who actually spent more than two weeks with me >.>

I quit medication cold-turkey in august 2012 or so and have been stable/happy for the majority of the time.

I'm a college student, and I was pretty unmotivated during fall semester. And then the spring came and i was a new person, bright, bubbly, smarter than most people i ran into, understood concepts in my classes, engaged in conversation... Just an awesome person lol. But now we're nearing the end of spring semester and I think I crossed a line.

For about a week and a half I've been getting short but intense drops into depression where I think I have no future in the industry I'm trying to get into and I'm worthless, and I should just end everything because I don't really have a future.... These last for less than an hour and its happened two or three times.

I don't know if its paranoia but if my dog is sleeping I will glance over every 10 minutes or so and just make sure she's alive/breathing, like she's gonna die any second or maybe she's already dead. She's like 3 years old with no detrimental health conditions, so this seems silly.

I keep talking about everything i can think of. I was with my cousin and in an hour we covered SO many things... Just chaining out of whatever my brain fired off next.

Over the past four months I have:
- inquired about multiple volunteer opportunities/work study
- asked about joining student government at my college
- solicited Radioshack for electronics components
- called casinos for junk circuitboards (for the volunteer project)
- talked to the Vice president about getting more recycling bins at the other campuses
- looked into building a tesla coil
- made it my future goal to decrease worldwide energy use through more efficient circuits on a fundamental level.
- set up an 8week advanced paced AC electronics course (part of my degree major)
- sometimes see flashes of shadows in my peripheral vision, or floating sparkles/lights/shadows.
- not done much for my schoolwork. I'm about 5 chapters behind in two classes, and slacking majorly on my math class.

I don't know. I'm doing so well. I see the signs... and I think I know where they lead. But I don't want medication, and I don't think i need it...

I might be manic... or hypomanic.... but I just feel so good most times.... Thanks for listening, I hope that mostly made sense.

Do I really need medication?? Or can I just power through this?

[pink&grey]

I don't know the answer and would recommend talking to your doctor. I do know this, for every time I felt like I was really kicking ***** and on top of the world, I eventually swung the other way and saw the extreme other side of that. It's hard to see the need for meds when you are feeling good. It sounds like there's something deep inside telling you to be cautious though.

[faerie_moon_x]

It's hard to say. I think if you're concerned to maybe go and discuss it with your doctor and get a referral for a psychiatrist, though, if you don't already have one.

also I can say that seeing shadows from teh corner of your eyes is not hallucinations. Everyone has that. If you're seeing a lot of "floaters" in your vision or flashes of light, you should go to the eye doctor and get a full screening. That actually does have the potential for an eye health issue. I used to work for ophthalmologists a few years ago and those were signs to get an appointment.

The concern with your dog sounds more OCD than psychosis to me, but that's just my opinion.

[middlepath]

Chat with the Pdoc and don't hold back.

Ps.I love the concept of more efficient circuits : )

[Cocosurviving]

I had really bad manic & hyp episodes before I was diagnosed. Since being on BP meds I haven't had one (knock on wood). So I believe in meds for me. There are ppl who post in this forum that do not take meds. From my understanding it takes a lot of discipline and requires a strict regimen. The other non-med option is to ride the wave which is what ur doing now, dealing w/ the episodes as they come. As you think abt what you want to do. Factor in the fact that you have one than one diagnoses, two being serious.

I wish you the best

[WrongEverything]

Thanks all for responses, not sure how to "quote" everyone so let me just kinda go down the list lol.

@pink&grey you're probably right. I just can't for reasons I can't really say.

@deark_heart_x I should go get my eyes checked! Maybe, though i'm not optimistic about it, because sometimes the visuals turn into letters... and lets not go into that much more. lol.

Also I would totally agree that it might be ocd, except that its not a normal thing. I just started this a week or so ago. (when I started experiencing all this bullsh**t I thought I'd left behind.)

@middlepath me too i don't have the expertise to do it myself yet, but that's what i'm in college for.

@Cocosurviving I'm sorry if I didn't post clearly, i only have one diagnosis, depression was misdiagnosed. just Schizoaffective -bipolar type. I've been told its akin to schizophrenia + bipolar, with the possibility of psychosis without mood swings (while in a "stable state).