Work and bipolar....do the two EVER mix well?

BipolaRNurse,

Eight years ago I had to quit working as a courier. I'd been doing it from 1992 and I loved it. On the road all day, sometimes local, sometimes going to NJ, PA or NY. Even with the up and down earnings(the busier you are, the more money you make)it suited me. No boss, no office and every day was a new adventure. But running on adrenaline finally caused my rapid cycling to come flying back like a boomerang. After I left, I worked part time as a store merchandiser, setting up displays and for a couple of years worked part time in a nutritionally oriented pharmacy until they needed to reduce staff because of cash flow problems. Every year, though, I got sicker and by 2010 I could barely work. In 2011, applied for SSDI and got it in two months.

You do whatever you have to do to hold on to your sanity. As others have said, with your experience and skills, you're in a good position to find employment in a less stressful environment. And, you can work even if you get SSDI. I don't recall the name of the program, but you continue to get your full monthly check and you'll have Medicare. The evaluation period is for nine months. I thought about it but I'm only taking Klonopin because nothing else works and it's pretty p*ss poor. I wish you the best and don't let things drag you down. I'm there, and along with a dysfunctional marriage, life is so-o-o great, lol.

I can relate to your job being a part of how you define yourself. I was a social worker my whole life before going on disability due to my illness. Like nursing, there is never a day in social work that is not stressful. I am taking classes now to take me in a different career direction, but don't know that I'll ever be able to work 50 and 60 hour weeks like I used to.

I was a damn good social worker, and I enjoyed that people appreciated me. I now feel like I don't serve much purpose sometimes, but on my better days I don't listen to that self talk.

Long story short, I'm finally going back to work after being out on medical leave of absence for almost 3 weeks. We have had some very challenging times at my assisted living facility over the past few months, and the stress of it finally sent me over the edge into what ladies of a certain vintage used to call a "nervous breakdown".

IOW, I freaked out. Badly. Anxiety attacks so severe that I was eating Ativan tablets like Skittles. I could barely function. Couldn't sit still, couldn't focus, couldn't find my arse with both hands and a traffic cop directing signals. I've had anxiety attacks before, but these were the worst I've ever had in my life. I hid it pretty well from my boss and the staff, mainly due to my inability to be found most of the time (spent a lot of it walking around outside or huddled in the bathroom). Bottom line, I went to my pdoc the Friday after this horrible week and he gave me the choice of either taking time off NOW or going inpatient.

I've settled down now and am pretty much ready to go back (thank you Klonopin and the 2 1/2 weeks enforced 'vacation'). Today I had my follow-up appointment and got my release to return to work, with a few accommodations for my bipolar disorder and anxiety (although he didn't give me an additional dx since he thinks the anxiety is a part of the BP). Of course, now my company will know the whole truth about my illness, and my fear is that they'll somehow use it against me in the future.

Needless to say, this is frightening because I'm almost 55 years old, the economy still stinks, and nobody seems to like hiring older workers, especially not in the nursing profession. It's because our experience forces employers to pay more and we tend to be less physically able to handle the stresses of nursing. Then you throw a mental health problem into the mix, and what you have is a chronically unemployed nurse.

Disability isn't an option; I'm simply not THAT bad off, and I agree with my pdoc that staying home ruminating would only make things worse, not better. But up until recently, I've been quite successful despite having BP, mainly because no one knew about it. I've never made a huge secret of my diagnosis, but only my immediate supervisor and a handful of other managers knew for sure; now everyone in the company hierarchy will know. I can explain away the sudden departure on 'vacation' to my staff and residents (I wasn't feeling well and took some time off to get better---they don't need to know what sort of illness befell me). But here I am, known in my community as a vocal advocate for the mentally ill....and yet I'm ashamed to admit to my superiors that I'm bipolar.

Work is integral to my sense of self; nursing isn't just what I do to pay the bills, it's a huge part of who I am. And I'm afraid of losing that part of me before I'm ready to hang up my stethoscope for good.

If you made it this far through my whiiiiiine, thanks for reading.

I got fired today.

I knew it was coming. I was going to turn in my notice anyway, but the powers that be got there before I did.

Still not sure how they can do an end run around ADA.......although I was fired for being unable to do the job anymore, I was unable to do the job because of the stress levels which were due in part to my mental illness. I know they have lawyers who figured it out somehow, but I'm certainly curious as to how they did it.

I'm relieved in a sense. There are too many residents with too many problems for one nurse to manage well, and I just got overwhelmed. It's been sucky for the past six months, and I knew it wasn't going to get any better anytime in the NEXT six months. I'd have wound up going inpatient within weeks if I'd stayed on, and that is obviously not a desireable option.

Thank you all for being here. I'm glad somebody understands this stupid illness and what it does to a person.

Long story short, I'm finally going back to work after being out on medical leave of absence for almost 3 weeks. We have had some very challenging times at my assisted living facility over the past few months, and the stress of it finally sent me over the edge into what ladies of a certain vintage used to call a "nervous breakdown".

IOW, I freaked out. Badly. Anxiety attacks so severe that I was eating Ativan tablets like Skittles. I could barely function. Couldn't sit still, couldn't focus, couldn't find my arse with both hands and a traffic cop directing signals. I've had anxiety attacks before, but these were the worst I've ever had in my life. I hid it pretty well from my boss and the staff, mainly due to my inability to be found most of the time (spent a lot of it walking around outside or huddled in the bathroom). Bottom line, I went to my pdoc the Friday after this horrible week and he gave me the choice of either taking time off NOW or going inpatient.

I've settled down now and am pretty much ready to go back (thank you Klonopin and the 2 1/2 weeks enforced 'vacation'). Today I had my follow-up appointment and got my release to return to work, with a few accommodations for my bipolar disorder and anxiety (although he didn't give me an additional dx since he thinks the anxiety is a part of the BP). Of course, now my company will know the whole truth about my illness, and my fear is that they'll somehow use it against me in the future.

Needless to say, this is frightening because I'm almost 55 years old, the economy still stinks, and nobody seems to like hiring older workers, especially not in the nursing profession. It's because our experience forces employers to pay more and we tend to be less physically able to handle the stresses of nursing. Then you throw a mental health problem into the mix, and what you have is a chronically unemployed nurse.

Disability isn't an option; I'm simply not THAT bad off, and I agree with my pdoc that staying home ruminating would only make things worse, not better. But up until recently, I've been quite successful despite having BP, mainly because no one knew about it. I've never made a huge secret of my diagnosis, but only my immediate supervisor and a handful of other managers knew for sure; now everyone in the company hierarchy will know. I can explain away the sudden departure on 'vacation' to my staff and residents (I wasn't feeling well and took some time off to get better---they don't need to know what sort of illness befell me). But here I am, known in my community as a vocal advocate for the mentally ill....and yet I'm ashamed to admit to my superiors that I'm bipolar.

Work is integral to my sense of self; nursing isn't just what I do to pay the bills, it's a huge part of who I am. And I'm afraid of losing that part of me before I'm ready to hang up my stethoscope for good.

If you made it this far through my whiiiiiine, thanks for reading.

if you dont need disabiity then whats the problem? why dont you work harder on it. You think bp 2 is bad ?

Had a good, productive session with my pdoc today, and he told me he believes I absolutely CAN continue to work as a nurse, as long as I stay away from the 24/7, management-type jobs where you're never able to get away completely and can't leave work AT work. He says my bipolar does constitute a disability, but I am not disabled. There's a big difference. And I'm good with that.........I really DON'T want to be seen as "ill", and I don't want it to get in the way of finishing up my career on a good note.