[BlueInanna]

My 5th grader stayed home today... mainly it was my fault, just felt exhausted and gave the alarm clock the middle finger this morning.
I just can't do it everyday... so many "fires" to put out, one thing after the other. So some days I just can't pull off school and work and need rest.

I know it's important for him to get to school and have good attendance. Working on it... but this isn't mainly about attendance.

So my son talked to some friends on the phone tonight. Told him that a group of boys were making fun of him, saying he stayed home cuz he's so fat and doesn't want to run the mile. Our school takes pride in calling itself "the jogging school" ... holy cow ... not everyone is a runner. He's athletic in fun sports like volleyball, football, soccer, basketball, kickball. But he does despise running. I was the same way, I would do it cuz I was in sports, but it's a bore for me.

Additionally, the teacher joined in. My son's friend told him, even the teacher sarcastically joined in and said, "Of course he's absent today, he's always absent on the mile day!"

I'm appalled --- in my opinion the teacher joined in on bullying and making fun of my son. This is the same teacher who had my son suspended and wanted to charge him with sexual harrassment for allegedly calling a girl in class a b-word.

I'm fuming mad and called my gf who is a 5th grade teacher, asked her if she would ever say something like that about a child, or allow other kids to... She said yes she would. She works at a different school but says she's annoyed at how the "bigger" kids avoid the mile and that everyone has to run and it's a 5th grade state requirement. She said that parents even get mad at her that she takes too tough a tone with the kids, but she feels it's in the kids' best interest.

Teacher friend does agree with me that a sexual harrassment charge and suspension are absurd and unbelievable.

I think it's horrible. I think it's bullying. There has to be a better way to help a kid, a heavy kid, if they think he's avoiding running. He also gets made fun of for being in special ed cuz he has a bit of a speech impediment and a visual processing disability. He has an IEP and I plan to first talk to the special ed teacher on Monday for advice.

Am I overreacting? Am I going to make things even worse for him in class with this teacher if I make a stink about it.

Teacher friend says tell son not to let what other people say about him bother him..."Who cares what other people think" ... Easy for her - she's sooo perfect - the hot petite blonde who is gregarious and has every man in town chasing her, an ex husband who pays child support, both parents alive, a huge fun extended family. She has no clue about having depression or anxiety or bp or a weight problem. I've tried to explain these things to her and she doesn't want to hear it.

Why is it ok for these people to become teachers. I feel this has to be addressed with the school. My son and all the other bullied kids out there need us adults speaking up for them.

But sanity check please - is this me overreacting, my rage button pushed, the crazy lady of the picture perfect bs town??

[Aphrodites_Muse]

Ok now that I read this your reply to my post is oh so much clearer. The sexual harassment thing way outta line. This situation is tricky though. I think it was inappropriate for the teacher to join the children, however I know these comments fly between the teachers. However, though it was wrong of the teacher, I'm not sure making a stink about it would be in your son's best interest. I know it sounds hard but you should take your friend's advice. Teach your son that what he knows is true of himself is all that matters in this world. You will be setting him up in life with the strength and confidence to face adulthood that you were not.

Oh, and a mile for 5th graders as a requirement, see why I say the requirements are the bs that push teachers to the breaking point.

[wildflowerchild25]

I am a teacher and I would never say something like that in front of the students. I don't think you are overreacting. However, I might have to agree with AM up there; raising hell might make life harder for your son in school. But at the same time I think it NEEDS to be addressed! I just think you shouldn't expect anything to happen to the teacher - especially if she is in the union. At best she might get a write up. How much longer do you have of school? Because at least you know this teacher won't be his teacher for much longer.

As an aside - running the mile as a requirement in fifth grade is ridiculous. Making it a requirement at all is ridiculous - I HATED running and I would have never been able to do it! I just straight refused in 9th grade. and I was stick-thin at the time. I just hate running! Not everyone is a runner!!!

[Victoria'smom]

My school had that requirement too. Asthmatics and physically handicap had to walk around the track until everyone was done. If you can have iep put it in that he runs the mile privately or has the same accommodation as the asthmatics. I'm hoping he gets out in May and never has to deal with that teacher again.

[BlueInanna]

Yes he ends with this teacher in 5th. And then onto middle school which is same campus so he'll have different teachers but they talk and I already have the bp stigma there because of my 2 teens both dx'd bp went there. The school refused to test my little son for services when he was struggling because we have "trouble at home". None of their biz, it's a law they had to test him, I fought it.

I worry about kids after him too. And I worry about 3 more years my son needs to be at this school. I've tried so hard for them to like us to no avail. They all know about my older kids Sui attempts and all the many times had to call police. PTA pres is my next door neighbor and doesn't speak to me.

I don't want to rant too much. I just have my strong beliefs about this and bullying. And I have to do my part and speak up. Thanking God that my friend isnt his teacher. I feel so bad for her students.

I can't really, but I want to run away move away, wish I lived in another country like Sweden. Everyone knows they have best school model but America still refuses to change.

Anyway in my experience if I tell the school I was having a bad time and that's why he didn't go... They'll just judge him even worse.

I can't sit by silent though. Teachers need to be accountable. His sped teacher last year had a little rage during class, threw some books and scared the kids. I let him know my concern. At first he denied it, but then came back to me and admitted and agreed it was a really bad moment he wasn't proud of and was sorry. He felt bad scaring the kids and would be apologizing to them. This same man used to come to my house to try to teach older son 5 years ago, so he's seen my son rage and my destroyed house. But that's a different teacher. My son might have him again for sped next year, I like that teacher.

I had teachers like that who would frequently make unnecessary offensive comments about other students (and sometimes other teachers). It wasn't funny. I used to be a bit sensitive as a child and had to learn to develop a thick skin. But I have to say I'm glad I learned that during my school years and didn't have to face upsetting comments for the first time in a professional setting.
It must be so irritating and I'm not sure talking to the teacher about it would bring anything. I hope you can help your son get over this incident. There will always be teachers who don't care much about doing a good job. Unfortunately I don;t think you can protect your son from all future harsh comments and unfair behaviors by teachers or fellow classmates. Maybe you can tell him how proud you are of him and how much you believe in him. Explain that it doesn't matter what others say. Strengthening his confidence might make it easier for him to not get bothered by future comments by his insensitive teacher.

by the way..i had a teacher who threw books and chalk at us..I don't know why none of us ever went to our parents about him.

[notALICE]

Blue -

I'd be hoppin' mad too. I think that was a horrible thing for the teacher to say period, but the teacher saying that in front of other kids encourages even more separatism for your son and certainly does not promote unity between classmates, and sets a poor example for ALL the kids in the classroom. It sends a message that putting others down is ok, and yes, promotes bullying in my mind.

I would go to the principal first, see if they can accommodate him to do his mile privately, like you suggested, like an IEP. Also address the teachers comment with the principal. Extremely inappropriate behavior from a teacher, in this moms opinion. Emotion and protection for your child is a powerful thing. When you go in, try to be calm & confident with the principal.

Childhood obesity is a problem in this country, with Michelle Obama promoting programs to address that. (Not talking politics, I abstain). Just saying it's a hot topic these days. As you pointed out he participates in other sports, that seems more crucial to me than running a mile. Team sports, working & playing with others.

I didn't know about the B word incident. Harsh punishment for a word he probably didn't even know the meaning to, and probably just knew it was a negative word. My 5th grade daughter has heard my husband call his grown son a douche bag often - it's a of a joke between them. I was at my mothers and my daughter called her 9 year old cousin one. In front of my mother. I about fell out. She didn't know what it meant. Try explaining that one. My husband is a sailor and has to watch his mouth. His response - douche is the French word for wash.



Man you've had a dramatic chock full couple of weeks.

Many many

[notALICE]

PS I've been saying for a few years I wanted to move to Sweden. Healthcare, good schools, etc.

[BlueInanna]

Thanks.

He goes to middle school next year but it's same campus, small community or perfect people...

this one isn't about child obesity though, as wildflower said above, and i was stick thin too (was haha), some kids just aren't runners. and it's encouraging bullying and low self esteem. Why doesn't the teacher use it as an opportunity to promote unity and tolerance amonst the students. There has to be a way. "Hey guys we're a team, let's cheer them on while they complete the mile. People have different strengths , how would you feel if someone was making fun of you?"

I haven't decided yet about talk to teacher or go straight to principal - who is a major B word herself. My experience with my older kids was that the principal didn't want to hear about it unless you'd already tried to work it out with the teacher to no avail. So i have a couple days to wrap my head around it.

The whole suspension / sexual harrassment thing was before you were here So don't worry it's not your memory lol. I fought the sexual harrassment charge and they agreed to not put that in his file. He was just angry - other girl knows how to push buttons too well, and he blurted out the B word. That's all - nothing sexual - he's so innocent about that stuff - he didn't even know what the term meant.

So this mountain guy I know - has kids my age - the most rough hillbilly type told me once, "C, it's your job to teach your children, it's their job to socialize them." I told my son last night, and we'll talk more today, you're a great guy and just because these people say these things about you does not make it true, kids and people can be pretty mean, so remember you know who you are and you're a good guy i love you!

On the side but related, principal asked my son a couple weeks ago to help watch out for some bullies on the bus, to speak up for a certain kid who's being teased. My son is big and has a loud voice, likes to defend the underdog. So now he's in the underdog position - who's going to speak up for him... I could go straight to principal, but if the teacher gets a backlash, he may take it out on my son worse, and he may vent to other teachers who will also take it out on my son worse.

Horrible feeling that this is a law I must send my child here daily! Homeschool not a good option, I have a 3 yr contract with selling the business, I need to be able to work.

But next year when he's in middle school, I'd like to arrange my schedule to go at least once a week and volunteer. Let the teachers and other parents see me there being involved. They won't dislike me if they get to know me, or maybe they will, but I'm really not so bad and I'm smartical and funny. And main thing, my boy will see me there, backing him up. And they let mom's who volunteer in cafeteria give their kids free food, so they get to feel all superior. But you know me, I'll bring some cash and just buy food for the kids standing there feeling left out and lonely, or too poor to buy the food they want. It'll only be a day a week prob, but i think it will help.

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

Thanks.

He goes to middle school next year but it's same campus, small community or perfect people...

this one isn't about child obesity though, as wildflower said above, and i was stick thin too (was haha), some kids just aren't runners. and it's encouraging bullying and low self esteem. Why doesn't the teacher use it as an opportunity to promote unity and tolerance amonst the students. There has to be a way. "Hey guys we're a team, let's cheer them on while they complete the mile. People have different strengths , how would you feel if someone was making fun of you?"

I haven't decided yet about talk to teacher or go straight to principal - who is a major B word herself. My experience with my older kids was that the principal didn't want to hear about it unless you'd already tried to work it out with the teacher to no avail. So i have a couple days to wrap my head around it.

The whole suspension / sexual harrassment thing was before you were here So don't worry it's not your memory lol. I fought the sexual harrassment charge and they agreed to not put that in his file. He was just angry - other girl knows how to push buttons too well, and he blurted out the B word. That's all - nothing sexual - he's so innocent about that stuff - he didn't even know what the term meant.

So this mountain guy I know - has kids my age - the most rough hillbilly type told me once, "C, it's your job to teach your children, it's their job to socialize them." I told my son last night, and we'll talk more today, you're a great guy and just because these people say these things about you does not make it true, kids and people can be pretty mean, so remember you know who you are and you're a good guy i love you!

On the side but related, principal asked my son a couple weeks ago to help watch out for some bullies on the bus, to speak up for a certain kid who's being teased. My son is big and has a loud voice, likes to defend the underdog. So now he's in the underdog position - who's going to speak up for him... I could go straight to principal, but if the teacher gets a backlash, he may take it out on my son worse, and he may vent to other teachers who will also take it out on my son worse.

Horrible feeling that this is a law I must send my child here daily! Homeschool not a good option, I have a 3 yr contract with selling the business, I need to be able to work.

But next year when he's in middle school, I'd like to arrange my schedule to go at least once a week and volunteer. Let the teachers and other parents see me there being involved. They won't dislike me if they get to know me, or maybe they will, but I'm really not so bad and I'm smartical and funny. And main thing, my boy will see me there, backing him up. And they let mom's who volunteer in cafeteria give their kids free food, so they get to feel all superior. But you know me, I'll bring some cash and just buy food for the kids standing there feeling left out and lonely, or too poor to buy the food they want. It'll only be a day a week prob, but i think it will help.

Volunteering is a good idea. They will get to know you and you will have a presence.
warm thoughts

[middlepath]

Hi BlueInanna, Just a few quick comments since I had my own classroom for more than a decade: the sexual harassment thing is wild...! bummer for you and your son to go through all of that. seems like the term "sexual harassment" got slung around at something that only had one tiny resemblance to SH, but no intent or malice. I would strongly caution you about using the term bullying to describe what happened with the teacher. That term is used very loosely now, too. The teacher, IMO, did not engage in the most professional behavior, but it was also not off-the-charts unacceptable or bullying. It is something that could possibly be presented directly to her. This is all hear/say after all, right? I would just confirm and give her a chance to describe her view of the events. The most important thing is to have your son in a class where he feels safe, happy, and eager to learn. I would try and find a path that could help direct you to that end. Please disregard opinion as necessary : ) best wishes.

[bluemountains]

Hi Blue,
I started to pm, but since this is an opinion question, I'll chime in here. I am on both sides of the fence with this one, Blue. As you know I teach fifth grade. Also, we both have identified children. For me, 3 out of 4 have meds/iep's or 504 plans. I teach in the same county but at a different school. It's the largest county in the state, so fortunately, labels don't follow my children.
Your son's teacher acted inappropriately. Children pick up on a teacher's attitude towards other students, and act in the same manner. I don't think that you can show that any laws were broken, however, you should meet with her and the principal to express your thoughts.
I absolutely hate bullying! I was always afraid that other children would find out my circumstances as a child, and now I wear my heart on my sleeve with my own children. None are "popular" in the way that it matters in middle school and high school, but only one has been really bullied by other children, and I never got anywhere with the administration that year. It was awful, but I just tried to reinforce his positive feelings each evening, and kept his brothers on the lookout. One time he was even pushed into a desk so hard that he had bruises, but no adult saw this, and it was claimed to be an accident.
Okay, enough description, I am now in tears for all of our children!
Btw, I hated running the mile, too, and my children inherited that gene!!!
If you can volunteer, I think this will help a lot, and give you peace of mind, as well.
Bluemountains

[bluemountains]

I had to share one more thing. My boys are now in seventh grade. One son's science teacher told them that they shouldn't have sex at a young age because she did, and regretted it, and also she had each child feel a tampon. This was during their human growth and development unit. I am not sure what else was shared, but my son was very uncomfortable with knowing too much about her. Btw, this is my bp son who sees everything in black and white.

My point is that you should watch out for the middle school teachers, it has been my experience that many consider the children much more mature than they are, or try to be their buddies.

Bluemountains

[notALICE]

Blue - you've inspired me to become more involved & volunteer in my daughters 6th grade class after the summer. Thank you for that

Let me know how this all turns out. Lots of wise women/moms in this forum & BTW - you're a great one.

[faerie_moon_x]

In my experience, gym teachers are bullies. I never had one that wasn't. But the absolute worst was my junior high gym teacher. She was mean. The worst thing about her was that if you didn't do well at a sport, she wouldn't allow you to participate in the activities you were good at. So, since I was terrible at football and volley ball, I couldn't participate in archer. Instead, I had to go to the library and write a paper on archery instead. And then she would mark you off for not participating. It was very demoralizing, and it really made it obvious what you were bad at and never what you were good at.

I hated gym.

If and when you decide to talk to the teacher about this, keep in mind you heard this information via your son who spoke to his friend who says such and such happened.

I'm a teacher and mom of 3 sons, so I've seen it all from both sides. You really can't be certain what you heard about what the teacher said is completely accurate. I'm not saying anyone would intentionally lie; I'm just saying sometimes things get a bit mixed up in translation. So, approach it with this is what was reported to you about your son's absence, and that if that was what happended she should discuss any concerns about your son's absence directly with you rather than with her students. I'd kind of leave it at that at this point. I wouldn't go as far as to call it bullying, but it would certainly be inappropriate for a teacher to discuss a student with other students, particularly when they aren't present. I don't even let my students discuss other students who are not in the room.

I feel your pain about the running thing, but that really isn't a new fitness goal. I clearly remember running a mile each and every day when I was in 5th grade forty years ago. Hated every minute of it. All three of my sons did mile runs in 5th grade. We all live through it, but yes, it was miserable every step of the way.

[BlueInanna]

Thank you teachers, friends, moms, all. I know well enough how to approach something diplomatically and professionally. I greatly appreciate the opportunity to receive advice from you all so much. I have had such a tough time with this school. And this event brings up a lot of history of disappointment for me. Before I found you guys, before I knew that my 2 olders and I had bp dx, I fought the school for help. They ignored me. The director of special Ed and superntendant of school laughed at me 5-6 years ago when my now 17 yr old boy was in 5th grade, I needed help I suspected bp and asked school for help. We already had a clinical depression dx from a private psych after he tried to hurt himself with some pills at age 11. That guy, with no special Ed degree nor education laughed at me, "I've worked with so many children and I know what I'm talking about. You're son is not bp. He's really bright. He just needs more discipline at home." (12 hospitalizations and lost count of SI and Sui attempts with my older baby, many dx's of bp later).

Yea I'm hurt I'm still outraged at the lack of care. . I will not let this happen to my now 11 yr old baby. I'm sorry, real sorry that teachers have a hard job. My job is hard too. And being a bp mom of 3 (2 dx'd bp so far) with no help from their dads has been real hard too. They just look at me and see a young single mom who must not keep enough order at home. Where is the compassion? I've always worked paid taxes been a taxi service. I didn't plan to have no fathers for my children. I really wanted a family and believed that was the deal. That's real nice if they don't have to suffer bp and raise bp children on their own. That's good cuz no one should have to.

I can't tell them I'm the reason son didn't get to school. I tried that sort of honesty and asking for help from the school 5 years ago with my older 2. They saw my weakness and preyed upon it. I'm not a stupid woman. I was a Latin scholar and a math wiz at one time. But they lied about testing and IEP's for my older kids. I didn't know my / our rights. "We don't test kids when there are problems at home." Lie, illegal. "Your child won't apply for any services unless they are 2 grade levels behind." Lie, illegal. And so they sent my 2 olders to high school where they both attempted several sui's, SI, hospitlizations, trying to get "meds right".

I'm angry it's injustice and it's happening to a lot more children than just my older 2. I was depressed I was lost , I didn't know I had bp too , we were outcasted, chastised. One teacher of my 17 yr old son, when he was 12, very "Christian" lady, told other families that there was darkness around my son and they best keep their child away. Other kids told him this. He had no friends left, no wonder he cut himself all up.

He's going to be ok. He has me. He has a heart bigger than his body. Friend tonight told me he's so handsome he could be a model. I said, well no not really because of all the scares from cutting all over his arms and body. She's the teacher friend who thinks it's ok to be harsh on kids whom I mentioned in OP. she said she couldn't talk about that or comprehend that and that cutting is the stupidest thing anyone can do and that's what she would say if it were her child. I said, you could say that but then your child will shut you out and not tell you anything. People who cut are in serious emotional pain and your relationship, your bond with you child is the most important thing that can save their life. I believe this, I told her this. She apologized and walked away said she can't even stand thinking about it.

So that description above is the type of person allowed to "care" for our children most of the day. She views depression, self-hatred, cutting, as weakness, as "stupid" her words. I'm heart broken, not much more to say right now.

[notALICE]

Yeah, I get afraid of CPS knocking on my door, even though my house is clean, stable & loving. Mostly when the 17yo was here, thieving, lying, and suspected drug use. I won't admit my BP diagnosis as I'm in the middle of a custody case with the 11yo's deadbeat dad. She's a happy child. Little hard on herself in the self esteem department, but normal otherwise.

[bluemountains]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

Friend tonight told me he's so handsome he could be a model. I said, well no not really because of all the scares from cutting all over his arms and body. She's the teacher friend who thinks it's ok to be harsh on kids whom I mentioned in OP. she said she couldn't talk about that or comprehend that and that cutting is the stupidest thing anyone can do and that's what she would say if it were her child. I said, you could say that but then your child will shut you out and not tell you anything. People who cut are in serious emotional pain and your relationship, your bond with you child is the most important thing that can save their life. I believe this, I told her this. She apologized and walked away said she can't even stand thinking about it.

So that description above is the type of person allowed to "care" for our children most of the day. She views depression, self-hatred, cutting, as weakness, as "stupid" her words. I'm heart broken, not much more to say right now.

Wow, Blue, I am surprised that your teacher friend doesn't understand why cutting happens. I was a cutter in middle and high school. I was very unstable then, but nobody noticed. My parents didn't care (alcoholics) and the teachers just viewed me as a kid who did very well academically.

I have worked with some pretty unprofessional teachers as well. In my last school, the CCR teacher (spec. ed) would make fun of mental illness. She didn't know I have bp, and she was constantly making very mean remarks about bp people.

Administrators, and some teachers, are not supportive when you are seeking services. I know this as a parent. I had to have one of my children tested privately because they said she was just being lazy in math because she understood the material. It turns out that she has a problem with processing speed and anxiety, so when she was being pressured to learn her multiplication facts, she was always sick to her stomach. Part of the problem is that special services requires more personnel, more paperwork, and federal laws that must be followed and documented.

I am sorry you are feeling such anger right now. I agree with Chris, make sure that you know as much as possible about the comments when you go in to discuss the situation. I am sure that past events are a part of your anger. You might outline other concerns as well.

Good luck!

Bluemountains

[middlepath]

Geez Blue, I teared up reading your post about what your friend said. I am sorry you had to hear that from someone you hold dear. I hope that your words to her were like a little seed that will grow in her heart and someday a flower of compassion, concern, and caring will bloom. I am still new here, but you sound like one heck-of-a awesome momma. Kuddos to you.

[notALICE]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

In my experience, gym teachers are bullies. I never had one that wasn't. But the absolute worst was my junior high gym teacher. She was mean. The worst thing about her was that if you didn't do well at a sport, she wouldn't allow you to participate in the activities you were good at. So, since I was terrible at football and volley ball, I couldn't participate in archer. Instead, I had to go to the library and write a paper on archery instead. And then she would mark you off for not participating. It was very demoralizing, and it really made it obvious what you were bad at and never what you were good at.

I hated gym.

In my experience - I swear this is true - most of the female gym teachers were kinda butch. I'm not stereotyping, that's really my experience. Hated gym, except climbing that rope to the top of the ceiling. Monkey me.

I know

OK, WHAT THE HELL? I didn't read the entire post yet because I'm angry! WHY would your friend think that is anything even close to OK? It's not. It never will be. It's WRONG. And anyone who thinks such a thing is even half an infinity close to OK need to be reprimanded for being so damn WRONG it's probably a danger to society. I'll tell her what's in the children's best interests, it's her GETTING HER OPINIONS FIXED and realizing how cancerous her attitudes towards troubled children are. She should not be a teacher.

Sorry if I offended you with my angry words, but your friend here indirectly offended me. A lot.

Edit: "Who cares what other people think" Oh my God... Maybe, perhaps, just possibly children who are bullied care? And maybe they can't just decide to be unaffected by other people? At least us bipolar people have a response to this, right? Normal people barfing out "who cares what other people think" OBVIOUSLY care so much more than I ever do when I'm hypomanic. They have no idea what they're talking about. They were just dealt an easy hand in life and take pride in that because they lack depth of emotion and are unaware of their ignorance. They mistake luck for true achievement, and they think their silly cliches are hard-earned experience and showing of their depth of character. In other words, the flat, stagnated character probably thinks he is round and sees his lack of development in all areas as a sign that change is not needed. Not in him, at any rate. This is not me trying to analyze the mind of your friend, by the way. This is just a general rant, although I do think it is relevant to how your son's gym teacher behaved. I do not understand how anyone could ever think that it's OK to make snide remarks about kids. It tells of serious flaws in their personality and attitudes.

Also, this is me overreacting. You're a concerned parent, so strong reactions on your part are perhaps not overreactions.

[BlueInanna]

Thanks Mandrec I was sobbing during much of my posting on this subject. I don't know what the answer is. I'd like to see teachers trained in depth in the topics of bullying, self-esteem, and FORCED to understand that depression, anxiety, bp, bpd, sui risks, etc. are REAL!!!

I do think I planted a seed with the friend teacher... I've been planting these seeds of truth and compassion with her for years though.

I did email my son's teacher yesterday morning:
Hi Mr. W,
Some kids told (son) that D and others were making fun of him about running, he's fat, etc. They also sad you joined in with a sarcastic comment, "Oh of course (son) is absent on mile running day!" Can you please let me know what happened?
(Son's) absence on Friday was for a personal reason. And it was not his fault.
Hope we can work this out. Thanks very much.
Sincerely,
C

Teacher's generalized not much responsibility taken response as expected (Mr. W is main 5th grade teacher, Mrs. B is the gym teacher):
Hi C

I spoke with (son) about the boys who were teasing him and he said it occurred over the weekend when he was on skype talking to some of the other boys in class. I will speak to those kids about teasing (son) and told him to tell me immediately if it happens in class. As for the comment, I believe one of the students misunderstood a conversation I was having with Mrs. B. Mrs. B and I were discussing the students' mile times, which we do once a month, and she had shared that (son) has missed 4 of the last 5 miles we had ran and that its difficult finding time for him to make it up. Privately, I was told by (son's friend) that (son) had extremely sore muscles and had trouble moving and that was why he had stayed home. I will be sure to speak to the students about teasing as it is not allowed in the class or at school and we need to be encouraging of our classmates instead of putting them down.

(Yes he makes a larger font here in the email...?)
On a side note, (son) has been producing very good work in class especially his math work. He has taken great strides in how quickly he can do math and the amount of work he can do at one time. He continues to speak out in class but now he will work by himself in the POD so he does not become a distraction and it helps with his concentration. We are beginning our Colonial Project and he seems excited, he has chosen to be a blacksmith.

Mr. W
5th Grade Teacher

So, I wrote back with a generalized positive "thank you so much, for clarifying" response. Pretty much a brown nosing move on my end, but I need him to like me and my child, so my child can have a chance to get nice treatment and possible education from this man. I can tell this is how he operates. We just have to make it through about another month until summer break.

I asked my son last night how he feels about being sent to the pod to work alone, he said it's very embarrassing. We talked about him trying to not talk out during class to avoid "the Pod". We talked about his anxiety running the mile again today - he ran it yesterday, about just doing his best even though it's such a bore, and that I'm so proud of him.

He's having a lot of anxiety about this jogging fundraiser they're doing Friday... my son often goes extra slow during any PE running to stay at pace with his best friend with autism who is also overweight. I may keep him home that day. I think it is pretty humiliating for the kids who are not great runners - it's a huge event, all families come, people from the community come. The jogging fundraiser mainly supports Mrs.B's job... she's been very mean to my son over the years, and to my older children when they were there. I don't really feel like supporting her job security, I want her gone tbh.

I can wait and make a monetary donation to the Middle School instead, perhaps I should inform the superintendant or principal why I am doing it this way (I've known the super for years now, she's very progressive, formerly a counselor) ... idk yet... as a parent, you definately have to worry about stirring the pot too much, because they will take it out on your child.

Next year he goes to the middle school, same campus, different PE teacher. Middle school PE teacher is a toughie, but she was one of the only supportive teachers when older son with bp was there 7 yrs ago- she still asks me how the older kids are doing when I see her.

Prayers & good thoughts gratefully accepted!!

[faerie_moon_x]

I will be thinking of a good outcome for your son in this, Blue.

My pre-teen and early teen years were the worst. I wasn't an overweight kid, but I was a target. And I wasn't athletic, either. I had 0 backing from teachers and administrators. At one point my dad actually went and talked to a kid's family on my behalf because of the teasing. The family was known by my family. That didn't help, of course.

Even now, when it is clear the bullying isn't just something some kids are "too weak" to ignore, or whatever, Or that bullies aren't just kids who are "jealous" and if you "ignore them" they go away. I think even now people don't get it. The only people who get it were ones who were bullied for real. And, you know, at some point all teachers were kids, too. And you can tell who was bullied, who wasn't, and who was a bully just how they handle a bullying situation. Bullies tend to side with bullies, because they see things in that way.